


The Fake Aziraphale

by clearinghouse



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clones, Fallen Angel Aziraphale (Good Omens), First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Mystery, Romance, Smut, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-07 19:41:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 77,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20314954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clearinghouse/pseuds/clearinghouse
Summary: Aziraphale is worried that he will Fall. Crowley insensitively tells him that he might as well Fall and cut off his old ties for good. Crowley didn’t expect that Aziraphale would be so offended by this that he would leave in the middle of dinner.Crowley, inevitably, drags himself to the angel’s bookshop to apologise. What he finds there when he arrives, however, confuses and shocks him so solidly that he is frozen at the threshold of the shop.There is one Aziraphale, reading at his familiar desk, his nose enthusiastically buried in an old book, his presence feeling bright and angelic as always.But there is also another Aziraphale, a darker one, crouched at the foot of a bookcase in the corner, sadly hugging himself. His ram-horned head is half-hidden behind his own knees.And neither looks up at the sound of the bell that rings above Crowley's head.





	1. Day 0-1

**Author's Note:**

> No beta, so all mistakes are mine. Rating has gone up to E as of chapter 4.

With every fibre of his demonic being, Crowley had held onto the hope that Aziraphale would stay with him in his flat, after the events of Armageddon were done and over with. 

It was incredible that Aziraphale had accepted Crowley’s invitation to stay with him that one night. Although Aziraphale’s own home was gone and he had nowhere to go, Crowley hadn’t really expected the angel to choose to stay with him. Aziraphale was his friend, sure, but Crowley wasn’t going to delude himself. He knew the angel well enough to know he wasn’t the type to get too friendly with Crowley.

Aziraphale had surprised him by accompanying him to his flat. It was a very good thing that he did. Aziraphale’s decision had saved their lives. The time they had spent practising each other’s mannerisms in each other’s bodies had turned out to be the key that allowed them to survive the next day. Of course, they had also squeezed some lazy drinking and idle small talk into their long nighttime hours of practising. 

Crowley had relished the pleasantness of sharing Aziraphale’s company in the comfort of his own home. Crowley had gone to some lengths to ensure that the angel felt comfortable there, and Aziraphale, in turn, was very kind and warm about the whole thing.

But then the threat was gone, and Aziraphale’s bookshop was suddenly alive and well again, and Aziraphale didn’t come back to Crowley’s again. 

It broke Crowley’s heart. Quite by accident, he had let himself get his hopes up. Now he was paying the price.

Even though the Arrangement was over, there was no great change in the way Aziraphale treated Crowley. Polite, but distant. Friendly, yet cautious. No more, and no less, than companionable. All of Crowley’s hopes of finally seeing an end to the status quo between them had come tumbling down. They’d been pushed apathetically over a cliff, and had splattered on impact. It hurt Crowley like a vicious stab to the heart, but what could he do? 

That was just how it would always be with Aziraphale, Crowley thought. He couldn’t help the dark clouds of disappointment that fogged his mind. It didn’t seem to matter that Aziraphale was finally free of his role as Heaven’s representative. Even when Heaven had no control over Aziraphale and the two of them were on their own side for the first time ever, insufferable old Aziraphale kept to his insufferable old habits of keeping Crowley at arm’s length. Aziraphale was still afraid.

Crowley didn’t understand what Aziraphale was so afraid of. The inability to understand annoyed him endlessly. It bothered him constantly. That’s not to say that it kept him from enjoying the time he spent with his angel. The meals, films, and conversations that he shared with Aziraphale continued to be the brightest highlights of his dark existence. Aziraphale would throw all of his passion into their debates, and regularly showered him with a pure and affectionate kindness that most demons would never know. However, even the best moments between them were haunted by the unspoken questions that Crowley did not dare to ask, lest he risk scaring away the friend dearest to him.

Couldn’t they have more than this? Crowley longed to shout at him. Couldn’t they be with each other most of the time, rather than just occasionally? It made him so happy merely to be around Aziraphale, and he regretted leaving him every time they parted. Did Aziraphale feel the same way?

So, when, on one fateful day, Aziraphale opened up a tiny bit about the true nature of one previously undisclosed fear, Crowley inevitably made the mistake of letting his frustration rise to the surface.

They were eating at a restaurant. The time was flying by quickly for Crowley, as it always did when he was having fun with his angel, yet he could tell that Aziraphale wasn’t quite his joyful, talkative self. Crowley had commandeered the conversation somewhat, trying to find some topic that would lift Aziraphale out of his bad mood. 

Then, out of nowhere, Aziraphale said, “Is it all right for me to tell you that I’m afraid of Falling?”

Crowley was completely caught off guard by the personal question. He’d never heard anything like that from Aziraphale before. It was hard to imagine someone as sweet and pure-hearted as Aziraphale landing Downstairs. It took Crowley a few seconds to rally his thoughts, and find his sarcastic place. “You’re asking me?” he quipped, while his eyes hidden behind dark shades locked onto Aziraphale.

“I know, it is insensitive of me to say such a thing to you,” Aziraphale said quietly. He hesitated to say more. “Dear me, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Forget I said anything.”

Crowley was sorely tempted to provide a snide remark, or to smirk, or to laugh. But that temptation was weak in comparison to the sweet luxury of hearing Aziraphale reach out to him in this way. He felt himself grow soft. “Sure, you can tell me about it,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale looked at him in awe. “Are you certain?”

That kind of appreciative reception made Crowley feel good. It was also a little uncomfortable, though. It meant that Aziraphale thought Crowley was being nice. Crowley didn’t take too well to being called nice. Right now, though, he would take it. He’d do anything if it meant Aziraphale would finally open up to him. “It’s no bother, really. It’s not like it can scare me, after all.”

“Ah. Well. That is very generous of you.”

“I would have guessed,” Crowley added, putting on a show of flippancy, “that every angel would be afraid of it all the time. It can come without warning, and all that.”

“Not every angel is as disobedient as this one,” Aziraphale said.

“Hm.” The seriousness with which the angel had spoken was unnerving to Crowley. “Well, it’s not like you gotta be disobedient. it takes less than disobedience, you know,” he said, “much less. It just takes… uh… ” He twirled his fingers around in the air, searching for the right word. “… a bit of a disagreement, or something.” 

Unfortunately, these words seemed only upset Aziraphale. “Does it?” he whispered to himself.

“But, uh, I haven’t heard of it happening to anybody in forever, so…” Crowley tried to think of something comforting to say. He wasn’t about to make any promises he couldn’t keep, however. He came up empty, and gave up. “Anyway, you said you’re afraid of it.”

“Yes. I am.”

“Well, what for?”

“What do you mean, what for? How can you say such a thing? It’s a very big deal!” Aziraphale retorted sharply. Then he breathed deeply. “I’m sorry, that was not kind of me. Please, don’t take it personally. Only, I’m rather fond of staying just the way I am. It’s part of who I am. I realise that it’s no longer my job now, but it still means something to me. I may not be on speaking terms with the others Upstairs at the moment, but that doesn’t mean I want to lose—” He bit his lip, cutting himself off. He was gazing sympathetically at Crowley. “Let’s just say I’m afraid of changing, after so long,” he allowed.

Without warning, a spark of rage flared through Crowley’s nerves. He loved his angel to pieces, but Aziraphale was as stubborn as a mule. He hardly let anything change. Not his clothes, and not his friendships. When it came down to it, Aziraphale was afraid of nothing but change itself. Why couldn’t Aziraphale just let things change?

“I don’t like admitting it,” Aziraphale said, “but if disagreement is all it takes, then I feel I’m overqualified.”

“I still don’t see what the big worry is,” Crowley said, too loudly and too rudely.

“Yes, I know you don’t,” Aziraphale said, sighing.

“Who cares if you’re Fallen or not? It’s not like that would stop you from being all goody-goody anyway. It’s not like it alters your personality or anything.” 

“Yes, I know, but all the same…”

“Besides, we’re barely an angel and demon these days. We’re more like people now. We don’t have to think of ourselves as an angel, or as a fallen angel, or as anything but superpowered people.”

“That is not true. You and I both love people, in our own ways, just as we love this planet, but we are not people. We’ll always be very different. I am an angel, and I am very glad to be one. It is a blessing that I don’t take for granted.”

“Falling would be a blessing to you,” Crowley snapped back abruptly. His frustration was boiling over its too-feeble pot. “You’d be done with Gabriel and the others for good. You could go around disagreeing as much as you want and not have to worry so damn much about the consequences. You could just let things change for once!”

Aziraphale’s face fell. He didn’t reply. His features were marked by complete devastation. He was now looking at his food—which he hadn’t touched for a few minutes now—but he wasn’t really looking at it. An uncomfortable silence descended over them.

Crowley felt something ugly build in his stomach. He didn’t like this at all.

“I’m sorry I mentioned it. Thank you for the lovely meal,” Aziraphale said. His voice was totally dead. He stood up. “Excuse me.”

Someone might as well have twisted a knife in his gut. It would have felt better than how it felt to see his angel react this way. Too late, Crowley realised he had made a very big mistake. “What?” He got up. “No. Wait. Angel.”

Aziraphale did not wait. He walked away.

It should have been simple to run after him, to stop him from leaving, to do something, anything. He almost did. But he was terrified of making things worse. After a while, Crowley collapsed back into his seat and chastised himself over and over for being so stupid.

* * *

Crowley wasn’t very good at apologies. So, he turned to cheating. There was no better cheat than flowers. Under one arm, he had a hyacinth bouquet. His phone had told him that hyacinths were good for apologies, when he’d asked it. His phone had also kindly informed him that roses were good for apologising to one’s beloved. Crowley did not thank his phone for that extra tidbit.

Crowley stood face-to-face with the door of his angel’s cherished bookshop. He had given Aziraphale the night to cool down, and it was late morning now. Aziraphale would be too kind to turn him away without listening to him, and Crowley was eager to make things right between them as soon as possible. The knowledge that he had hurt Aziraphale had been eating him up inside since dinner. He wasn’t prepared to leave until he saw that sweet, beloved smile return to Aziraphale’s soft expression.

He didn’t care that the shop’s sign read, very loudly, closed.

Crowley banged his fist on the door. “Aziraphale,” he shouted, “it’s me, doing that thing where I make up with you for saying something stupid. I’m coming in.” He didn’t wait for an answer. He snapped his fingers, and there was a sound of a lock twisting open. The door, however, he handled in the human way. He preferred doing things the human way, when he could. He liked the sensations that it involved. He opened it without a second thought, and sauntered inside—

—and froze. He froze so hard that the world very nearly froze along with him. The hyacinths fell to the floor.

There was a very big problem here.

The problem wasn’t the Aziraphale who was reading peacefully at his desk, dressed in his waistcoat and shirtsleeves. That particular Aziraphale was as bright, inviting, and normal as ever.

The problem was the other Aziraphale, crouched pitifully on the floor in the shadow of a bookcase. That Aziraphale was undoubtedly also Aziraphale, if the body was anything to go by. His hair was just as light-coloured, as were his well-worn clothes. However, he was fully coated, as if he’d just come in from outside. Moreover, this Aziraphale was sulking like a miserable child, something Crowley had never seen Aziraphale do, and he would have liked to have never seen it. It made his chest ache with a tender feeling. The lightness of the clothes did very little to lighten the dark, murky air that this Aziraphale gave off. On his head—

Crowley did a double-take.

On the top of his head, there were two ram’s horns. They were short and curly, like his hair. 

A feeling of dread filled Crowley. He didn’t want to believe that this was real. This couldn’t be real. Alarm overtook him so rapidly that time seemed to slow down. He shouted, “Aziraphale!”

Both Aziraphales finally slowly looked up at him. “Come to apologise?” they asked in unison. The Aziraphale at the desk sounded casual, and possibly irritated at being interrupted. The Aziraphale on the floor sounded horrible, as if he were terrified that he’d been found.

An unpleasant shudder went up Crowley’s spine. He moved forward, but then he couldn’t decide which Aziraphale to move towards. “What happened? Why are there two of you?”

“Two of me?” each Aziraphale asked in disbelief. One was dismissive. The other was trembling, at best.

Crowley groaned. “What, are you blind? Look!” He threw one hand in the direction of each of them.

The two Aziraphales obeyed. They followed the path of Crowley’s hands, and looked at each other—

“Good lord!” The normal, bright-looking Aziraphale jumped to his feet, and now he sounded terrified, too. The book that he let go of slammed down on top of some other books. Hesitantly, he moved around his desk and approached the crouching figure, though he did not get too close. “What in the world…?”

The dark-looking Aziraphale was frightened beyond speech. He watched his counterpart with wide eyes. It didn’t escape Crowley’s notice that those wide eyes were dark in colour.

“Who are you?” Bright Aziraphale demanded. “What are you?”

Dark Aziraphale answered very quietly. “I am—” His voice cracked. “I… was Aziraphale.”

“No, I am Aziraphale! Who are you, and why are you mocking me in that way?”

“Can’t you see he’s scared,” Crowley heard himself say. Every inch of him begged to ease the Dark Aziraphale’s obvious agony.

But Bright Aziraphale was having none of it. “Crowley, please, don’t play along with this. He’s clearly pretending. That’s an imposter. That’s not me. I’m me.”

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale whispered. “Help me, please.” 

“Stop this tomfoolery this instant, faker!” Bright Aziraphale cried angrily. “Stop it! You’re confusing Crowley!”

Tears fell down Dark Aziraphale’s cheeks. “Oh. I see,” he murmured. “So that’s how it is. I am in Hell. This is my punishment. Crowley will ignore me and choose the old me. That’s how this will go. Isn’t that right?” His tears came down in an appalling torrent of despair. He bowed his head again. “All right. I understand…”

Crowley’s body shifted into automatic. He strode towards the crouching Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale wasn’t approving. He began, “Crowley, be careful.”

But Crowley ignored that. He stubbornly offered a hand to Dark Aziraphale. “Come on,” he said. “You don’t belong on the floor. Get up.”

Dark Aziraphale raised his head again. He was confused. A glint of hope sparkled behind the wet sheen of his night-coloured eyes.

Crowley, despite himself, wished that the other Aziraphale wasn’t here. What Crowley longed to do right now was to take this scared creature into his arms and to comfort him. Real or not, this Aziraphale looked exactly like the dearest friend whom he loved to the point of madness, and he’d be damned if he would let any version of his kind angel suffer alone. He also knew that this transformed Aziraphale would be desperate for that kind of warmth and support right now. But Crowley couldn’t let Bright Aziraphale see him be too openly affectionate to his doppelganger, either. “We aren’t Downstairs,” he said.

“We aren’t? Then…”

“I’m really Crowley. Not that I can really prove it. But I guess…” He glanced between the two. He wasn’t the only one with that problem right now.

“You can’t be serious,” Bright Aziraphale said. “This is preposterous. Do you mean to imply that you can’t tell which of us is the real Aziraphale? The answer should be very clear.”

“Who’s to say either one of you is real?”

“What?”

“The Aziraphale I know would never whimper in a corner,” Crowley said bluntly. “Nor would he ignore the suffering of someone right in front of him. The way I see it, you’re both miles off.”

Bright Aziraphale knitted his brow. “What? The suffering of…?” A deep shame entered into his voice. He looked down at his counterpart again. He whispered, “But I told you,” he insisted without any energy at all, “he’s fake…”

Dark Aziraphale, to Crowley’s surprise, was also ashamed of himself. “Ah… yes…” He laughed sadly, and Crowley would be very glad if he never had to hear that sound again for the rest of eternity. “How weak of me. I must make a pathetic sight. I shouldn’t let you see me like this. If this really isn’t Hell, then…”

“Aziraphale,” Crowley said. “Er, Dark Aziraphale,” he corrected himself. “Shut up. Worry about all that later. All you gotta do is take my hand already and get up.”

Dark Aziraphale did not seem to appreciate the name. 

Bright Aziraphale wasn’t too happy about it, either. “That’s a rubbish name. Just… call him Aziraphale. Might as well play along,” he grumbled, “since this imposter is going to be so stubborn about it.”

Crowley glanced at Bright Aziraphale. 

All he got was a dismissive wave of the hand. “It’s fine. I’m sure it will be obvious whom you mean.”

That system of nomenclature was undoubtedly going to turn disorienting very quickly. Crowley didn’t take the time to worry about it, however. “Whatever you say.” With his free hand, he pointed at the lenses of his glasses with two fingers, and then pointed at Dark Aziraphale. “Aziraphale,” he said. If that wasn’t clear, nothing would be. “You’re coming with me. With us,” he amended. “We gotta figure this out.”

Dark Aziraphale didn’t move. He looked between Crowley and Bright Aziraphale. Crowley rather got the impression that he was being seen as a piece of cheese, and Bright Aziraphale was being seen as the waiting bear trap.

Bright Aziraphale must have got that impression, too. He shifted his balance between his feet anxiously, and sighed. “Well, what are you waiting for?” he said, after a long pause. “You ought to do as Crowley says.”

The glittery hope doubled in Dark Aziraphale’s eyes. “But…?”

Bright Aziraphale held his hands up, as if showing that he was unarmed. “I promise I won’t hurt you,” he said.

Crowley frowned pointedly. That wasn’t saying very much. Judging from the deer-in-headlights look from Dark Aziraphale, that one seemed to agree, too.

Bright Aziraphale groaned. “All right, all right.” He clasped his hands together. “Listen… you, whoever you are. Don’t think I believe you for a second. I don’t. But whatever’s going on here…” He shook his head at himself. “Crowley is right. I have to give you the benefit of the doubt. It is possible… ” He was reluctant to finish his thought. “It is very possible that you genuinely believe that you are me. If you are genuinely in distress, then…” Every word was strained. “I won’t let you remain in agony like this. I could never do that. We’ll both help you. All right?”

That was a great relief to Dark Aziraphale. He took Crowley’s hand, and weakly stood up. It was weak indeed, since Crowley felt himself do much of the lifting to get the job done. When he was at last standing on his two shaking legs, Dark Aziraphale did not let go of Crowley’s hand for several seconds. But eventually he tore himself away, ashamed of himself, and Crowley grimaced as his own heart tore in two. 

Crowley wanted very badly to get Dark Aziraphale alone. Dark Aziraphale needed comforting right now, and Crowley was borderline desperate to give it to him. After all, Bright Aziraphale was fine. It was this Dark Aziraphale who needed Crowley the most. Crowley would gladly tell him all the sweet, affectionate things that he needed to hear. Crowley’s brain began to chug, searching for some excuse to get Bright Aziraphale away from here. It was a cruel line of thought, however necessary it might be. He wasn’t proud of himself for pursuing it.

“Um, excuse me a moment,” Bright Aziraphale said abruptly. “If we are going out somewhere—and I assume we are—then I must get my coat from upstairs. It might—” he swallowed. “It may take me a little while to find them, in this mess of a bookshop,” he joked. The humour was unconvincing. “Several minutes, possibly.”

Crowley blinked. He could have sworn that he had seen Aziraphale’s coat on the coat rack when he’d come in. He was clever enough to stop himself from turning around to check the coat rack. Besides, he knew it would be empty now.

“Excuse me,” Bright Aziraphale said to the other two. He turned on his heel and marched away at a very brisk pace.

“Uh…” For a long moment, Crowley’s mind went blank. He couldn’t make heads or tails of either version of his best friend. Was this some sort of bizarre instance of Bright Aziraphale being kind?

As soon as the bright one was gone, Dark Aziraphale let out a shuddering exhale. Apparently, he’d been holding it in. He quickly moved away from Crowley, in the direction of a tall wall mirror further inside the bookshop.

Crowley considered keeping him away from the mirror. There was no point, however. Sooner or later, Dark Aziraphale would see the truth.

Evidently, the truth was not pleasant. Transfixed by the horror of his own reflection, Dark Aziraphale touched the corners of his wet eyes. He gingerly felt the texture of his curly horns. “Oh, dear,” he murmured. “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…”

“Calm down, you look fine,” Crowley said. It came out of him like a reflex, a twitch after being poked. He followed Dark Aziraphale. “It’s not like those things hurt, right?”

Dark Aziraphale thrust a palm his way. “Stay back! Please.”

Crowley was struck by the extreme change in Dark Aziraphale’s reception of him. “Eh?”

“Can’t you see what I am, Crowley?” Dark Aziraphale rasped. “What’s happened to me?”

Crowley wasn’t going to be the one to say it. “I can guess.” It was the understatement of the year.

Dark Aziraphale returned to his reflection in the mirror. “It turns out you were right,” he said bitterly. “All it took was disagreement. Isn’t that what you said last night? I was so afraid that you were right. And now it has happened. It’s so awful. I feel so awful. I hate this. I hate this so much. But… ah, thank goodness.” Dark Aziraphale’s fists clenched. A sad smile quirked at the corners of his lips. “Yes, thank goodness, that I’m not the real one.” There was that awful, miserable chuckle again. “I haven’t really Fallen. I’m still an angel. The real me is still an angel. He’s not cut off. I’m just a fake. Oh, thank goodness for that, thank goodness!”

“If you don’t quit it with that shit right now, I’m gonna kick your arse.”

Dark Aziraphale, startled, stopped.

While it was of interest that Dark Aziraphale had the memory of last night’s conversation, Crowley set that analytical thought aside for the time being. “I don’t care that you’ve got horns now, if that’s what’s got you so worked up,” Crowley said. “I care more about how unsettling this must be to you. I should know. Falling is never easy. And we’re supposed to be a team, now, right? I can’t have my partner breaking down on me. You gotta give me a chance to help.” He was itching to beg passionately for the chance to do so. He restrained himself. “All I see here is that my best friend is scared. So I’m here to help him.”

He couldn’t have prayed for a warmer reception. Endless gratitude washed over Dark Aziraphale. “My dear, you are always there to help me,” he whispered wonderingly, “aren’t you?”

Always have been and always will be, Crowley thought to himself. He reached out. “Aziraphale. Take my hand again. Come here. You don’t gotta overthink it.”

Dark Aziraphale stared at the overture. He stepped back. “I mustn’t,” he said. “I can’t. No, I won’t. I won’t. I won’t ruin things for the real one.”

The increasing distance between them pained Crowley fiercely. He didn’t understand why Dark Aziraphale would do that, or what he was talking about. If only he could simply pull Dark Aziraphale to himself, but things could never be so simple as that.

“Crowley…” Dark Aziraphale looked away from the outstretched hand, back to the pathetic shadow of the bookcase from whence he’d come. “I can’t ask you to help me. You shouldn’t. You should go back to the real Aziraphale. I can deal with my problems on my own. I can…” But he couldn’t go on. The anguished tears rebounded, and speech failed him. His face fell into his hands. 

This was horrendous. Crowley felt like he was going to die. Not discorporate. Die.

“I’m so sorry,” Dark Aziraphale sobbed.

Powerful emotions that Crowley refused to name pushed him forward. He moved to embrace Aziraphale. Embracing someone he cared about was something he’d never done before, too. Perhaps that signaled that he was a fake as well? He stopped himself, just as his arms were swinging around his friend, before they had made contact. No, he couldn’t force himself like this. He had to back off. Right now. Back off. Come on, Crowley thought to himself, take your arms back and back off— 

But then Dark Aziraphale melted into his embrace. “Oh, Crowley,” he wept. “Crowley.” While Crowley’s experience with hugs was next to nil, Dark Aziraphale seemed to have the hang of it. Dark Aziraphale hugged him tightly, his head pressed against Crowley’s chest. “Crowley. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Simultaneously, Crowley was overjoyed and devastated. The closeness was wonderful, and terribly sad. The parallel emotions intertwined inside of him so powerfully that he felt he could explode. His arms sort of wandered into place on Dark Aziraphale’s body, trying to learn how his body was supposed to hug the other’s. His position gave him the perfect vantage point of viewing the back of Dark Aziraphale’s horns in the mirror. “Stop saying sorry.”

“I shouldn’t be doing this. You have to push me away. You still have a good one. I won’t hold it against you, if you push me away.”

Via the mirror, Crowley watched as his own expression turned positively feral with anger. He would have liked to slam his fist right in that mirror’s face. “You are good,” he hissed. “Don’t talk like that. You’re still as good as you’ve ever been. I’m talking helping-old-ladies-cross-the-street good. Why should I push you away? Falling doesn’t change a damn thing about you, or about us.” 

“No, no, it changes everything.”

Crowley only wished that were true. “It really doesn’t,” he said, though he secretly hoped with all his soul that it eventually would. “Well, yeah, I know the love sensing stuff is gone, so I suppose that’s different. I know you can’t feel the light from Upstairs anymore, either. Listen, I know it sucks at first—”

“How do you cope with it?”

The answer to that question was easy. Simply put, Crowley had a very different source of light, one that was in his arms right now. But he didn’t say that. “It’s not as bad as it seems at first. You get used to it. If anything, I mingled with humans more in person because I didn’t have that, and it worked out all right for me. Spent a lot of time with humans.”

“No wonder you make for a better human than me,” Dark Aziraphale said.

“Nah,” Crowley drawled, “That’s all thanks to my sense of style. I’m just fundamentally cooler than you.”

Dark Aziraphale laughed into his shirt. The noise and the tightened feeling of the hug were glorious. If only for a moment, Dark Aziraphale sounded amused and at ease.

Crowley could have sighed with relief. The heavy angst in the pit of his stomach dissolved into weightless air, leaving him only with these splendid feelings of joy and intimacy. “Don’t take it personally,” he added, greedily seeking more of that lightheartedness from his friend. “I’m cooler than everybody.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” the other sniffled. “Very.”

For the first time since he’d entered the bookshop, Crowley smiled. This was more like it. The hug was beginning to be less awkward now, too. Crowley had always been a quick study, and in the manner of hugging, he was quickly mastering the exercise. This was nice. There were far worse fates than hugging Dark Aziraphale like this, reassuring him and consoling him.

Dark Aziraphale’s weight grew heavier against his body.

While he looked into the mirror, Crowley fantasized about stroking the bright, curly hair lying beneath his chin. Somehow, Dark Aziraphale seemed more bright now. Not completely, though possibly halfway back to normal. Even the horns were brighter. Crowley hadn’t realised it before, but the horns were the same light beige as Dark Aziraphale’s coat. It suited him rather well, in Crowley’s opinion. “Aziraphale—”

Unfortunately, in an instant, things turned bad again. Dark Aziraphale collapsed completely against him. His arms and legs went entirely limp. He would have hit the ground beneath him, if Crowley hadn’t reacted fast enough to keep a steady hold of him.

It took Crowley a couple of seconds to register what had happened. “What?”

Dark Aziraphale was out cold.

Panic welled up inside of Crowley. “Aziraphale?”

There was no answer.

Crowley was at a complete loss. This wasn’t right at all. From what he could remember, suddenly losing consciousness was not part of Falling. He didn’t sense that this was the doing of anybody Downstairs, and that left only one other possibility. Gently, he lowered Aziraphale onto the nearest rug. He was about to check to see if the body still had a pulse, but when he felt a breath against his hand, he didn’t bother. The feeling of the breath relaxed his panic considerably. “Wait here,” he murmured to the sleeping form. He held up one finger. “One minute. I’ll be right back.” Then he turned and ran.

There was only one person who could explain this. He went upstairs. Not Upstairs, of course, but upstairs. 

He quickly found Bright Aziraphale. He was in a room that was probably once a bedroom, but had taken on the character of a small warehouse. There were books piled in boxes everywhere. To the side of the room, Aziraphale was standing in front of the wardrobe, thumbing idly through old clothes. He was already wearing his coat.

“Angel,” Crowley said without thinking, and immediately he decided that it was the perfect name for Bright Aziraphale. Actually, it was the only name left available, all things considered. Crowley only had two names for Aziraphale.

“Oh, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said, uncomfortably. “Hello. I was just coming down.”

“The other one’s unconscious,” Crowley said.

“Unconscious?” Bright Aziraphale was unsettled. “He fell asleep?”

“I’m not sure. He just,” and then Crowley made a popping noise with his lips, and parted his hands dramatically. “Fainted dead away. As quick as that. For no reason.”

“Oh, dear.” There was real worry in Bright Aziraphale’s manner. “That sounds…”

Crowley wasn’t sure how to feel about Bright Aziraphale’s concerned reaction. “Bad? Yeah.”

Bright Aziraphale nodded. “I don’t sense any trouble from my end,” he said. Nevertheless, he wasted no time in leading the charge back downstairs.

However, even as Bright Aziraphale and Crowley approached, Dark Aziraphale stirred back to life. Crowley was thrilled to see it. Dark Aziraphale sat up, and rubbed his head, bewildered and disoriented—until the starkness of the horns met his touch. If he had awoken into a horrible nightmare, his face could not have grown more pale and stricken. “Oh…”

“Hey, sh.” Crowley moved forward to hug Dark Aziraphale again. The presence of Bright Aziraphale, however, was a factor, so Crowley settled on kneeling kindly in front of Dark Aziraphale. “Just chill,” Crowley said. “It’s all good. Your cool friend’s here, you know.”

The sweet, beautiful smile that Dark Aziraphale answered with was full of shy, yet profound, gratitude. 

A strange, enticing feeling of possessiveness shivered through Crowley’s body. He longed to comfort Dark Aziraphale even more, to be closer to him. He sternly willed himself not to let his feelings show. He couldn’t let them show. He certainly wasn’t about to favour one version of his friend over the other.

At least Bright Aziraphale wasn’t voicing any complaints about this.

“I hate to ask this,” Dark Aziraphale said, “but how did I end up here? I seem to recall falling asleep just now. Did I pass out?”

“Yeah, you did.”

“I don’t suppose you can tell me why? Is it… normal, for that to happen? To new demons?”

“No. I kind of thought that you might know why. Uh, maybe you’ve got low blood pressure,” Crowley suggested.

Dark Aziraphale gave Crowley a fond, long-suffering glance for that incredibly mundane idea.

That hefty dose of familiar fondness soothed Crowley’s soul like a healing balm. Crowley shrugged, but he grinned, too. “Hey? You never know. It could be.”

“I think I would know if that were the case,” Dark Aziraphale said, and the tone he used was absolutely sardonic.

Crowley grinned even wider. There was no doubt about it. Crowley was terribly besotted. It always did weird things to Crowley’s insides, whenever his friend let even a tiny piece of his inner bastard show.

Bright Aziraphale coughed once into his hand. “Um.”

That fake cough hit Crowley oddly hard. Had Crowley offended him by joking with Dark Aziraphale? This emotional balancing act he was performing between the two of them was proving difficult. This situation was so confusing. 

“Well, whatever happened, it seems it’s over with, and we are all ready to go now,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I’d like to know where you supposed we might go, Crowley. Were you thinking of asking that nice witch lady for help?”

“No way. Never even occurred to me to do that.” Crowley shuddered to think of crawling to Anathema for help. The worst part of it was that she probably could help them, too, even if she was just a human. Yet Crowley didn’t want her, of all people, to see them like this. This was a personal matter.

“But who else is there, who could make sense of this?”

“We don’t need any meddlers. We can handle this ourselves,” Crowley said. “That’s what we do these days, right? We get by well enough on our own. That’s exactly what we’re gonna do. Here’s the plan. You’re both gonna tell me, in elaborate detail, precisely what’s happened since the last time I spoke with either of you.” He paused. “By the way, when was that, for each of you?”

“At dinner last night,” both Aziraphales said without delay. They glanced in surprise at each other.

Crowley smirked. That was very fascinating and useful information, he thought. It simplified matters considerably. Maybe it would be possible for him to solve this mystery after all. “Okay,” Crowley said, “so that’s a small window of time. We’ll have a chat about everything that’s happened since then. Yup, that’s what we’ll do.” He got up, turned to the exit, and nonchalantly made his way out.

The other two didn’t follow him, except with their eyes.

Crowley looked over his shoulder. “Do I gotta pull you two, or what?”

“But where are we going?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

“We can talk here, you know,” Bright Aziraphale said.

Crowley didn’t answer right away. At the threshold, Crowley picked up the dropped hyacinths that he had totally forgotten about until just now. An idea popped into his head, and he went to work right away. He unwrapped the twine from around the bundle at the bottom, bit off one half of it in the middle, and rewrapped the flowers into two smaller bundles. After he whispered a stern command or two to the plants to straighten up—they were nothing but pruned branches, but they were still alive enough to understand fear—he returned to where the two Aziraphales now stood like unmoving marble pillars. He offered them each one set of flowers.

The Aziraphales were stunned.

“I was an arsehole at dinner,” Crowley said. “To, uh, to both of you, I guess. So I’m giving you both flowers. To make things better.” He all but pushed the bouquets into their faces.

The awestruck Aziraphales slowly accepted the gifts, at the same time, in the exact same way. They didn’t make any indication that they noticed this, either. It was very strange to see.

“I realise it’s really, really stupid that I’m saying this now,” Crowley went on, “and I mean, so incredibly stupid that I’m pretty sure it would be better if I kept this bit to myself. But I came here to say it, so screw it, I’m gonna say it. Here’s the thing. I shouldn’t have talked that way to you about Falling. I was already well aware of how much you like—or, uh, liked—being an angel. I never meant to say that you being an angel or not didn’t matter. It matters to you, so that’s that. It matters. I was being cataclysmically stupid when I said that Falling was a blessing. I didn’t mean that. Believe me, I’d give fucking anything to take it back. What I was really trying to say didn’t come out right.”

“Then what were you trying to say?” Dark Aziraphale asked gently.

Bright Aziraphale watched and waited silently.

Crowley shoved his hands in his pockets. He could hear the pulse of his own heart. He didn’t know if he was about to frighten away either Aziraphale with his honesty. He always did move too fast for Aziraphale, who had always preferred to let their relationship progress at less than a snail’s pace. However, he believed that Dark Aziraphale, at least, would welcome the heartfelt words. That thought gave Crowley the courage he needed to finally let them out. “What I was trying to say was this. If you do Fall, I’ll be here to catch you. If you don’t, I’ll be here with you all the same. So there’s nothing for you to be scared of. Nothing.”

A great, adorable smile burst out all over Dark Aziraphale’s features. “Thank you, Crowley, of course I forgive you,” he said, and Crowley’s spirit was flying somewhere up high in the skies. “Oh, thank you so much. That is very kind of you. I appreciate that very much.”

But Bright Aziraphale’s reaction was uncertainty itself. Actually, Crowley thought he was embarrassed, or perhaps frightened, by the strength of his darker version’s response. “Ah, yes,” he said stiffly. “That is kind of you. I forgive you.”

Crowley tilted his head curiously at him.

Bright Aziraphale made a peculiar grimace that was probably supposed to be a polite smile.

Incredibly, Dark Aziraphale wasn’t bewildered by his double’s lukewarm behaviour in the slightest. He couldn’t have missed it, and yet he affected not to notice. Instead, he focused on hugging his flowers and sniffing away at them with happy abandon. 

In the deepest, darkest corner of Crowley’s mind, a new, attractive idea presented itself. Although he cared very much about how difficult this must be for the two Aziraphales, wasn’t it possible that this… didn’t this have the potential to be… couldn’t this be fun? Wasn’t he, in fact, looking forward to what might come of this extraordinary opportunity?

Didn’t this whole mysterious scenario reek of the marvellous promise of change?

“Angel,” he said to the angelic one. “Aziraphale,” he said to the other. “Get in the car. We’re going to finish that dinner properly this time.”


	2. Day 1

Crowley couldn’t even get the two Aziraphales out of the bookshop without considerable trouble. 

First of all, Dark Aziraphale was hesitant to go outside at all. He mentioned that he regretted that he no longer had the white top hat that he had favoured a hundred and fifty years ago. That was when Crowley realised that it was the horns that were the problem. Crowley could have slapped himself for not thinking about it. 

Unfortunately, though, a top hat would not fit his horns, which curled out a little too much to the side. Crowley proposed that Dark Aziraphale tell people that he was cosplaying, but Dark Aziraphale didn’t understand what he was talking about. So Crowley pulled up some photos on the Internet of people wearing fake horns, and showed him. Dark Aziraphale wasn’t especially happy about it, but he reluctantly accepted that it would have to do for the present. He found doing nothing preferable to Crowley’s other idea, anyway, which involved wearing a hooded top.

Secondly, Bright Aziraphale had to make sure that the hyacinths were stored in vases with plenty of water. He ran around the bookshop, looking for vases, but he found only one vase. Neither Bright Aziraphale and Dark Aziraphale took it. Eventually, a somewhat irritated Crowley took matters into his own hands and miracled the one vase into two smaller vases. When both Aziraphales looked at him with blatant admiration, Crowley pretended not to notice.

As far as locking up the shop went, the task fell to Bright Aziraphale without discussion. The matter had worked itself out easy enough. Dark Aziraphale very pointedly did not pick up the keys, and was the first of the two to leave the bookshop, making it clear that he wasn’t about to stake any claims of ownership on his beloved building. It didn’t sit well with Crowley at all.

Finally, at long last, they were standing by the Bentley, all set to go to dinner. This brought them to their third problem, in what would no doubt be a very long list of problems.

The issue here was that Aziraphale always sat in the passenger seat. 

“We both have to sit in the back,” Bright Aziraphale said firmly. “It’s the only fair thing to do.”

“No, you should sit in the front,” Dark Aziraphale said gently. “I’ll sit in the back. I don’t mind.”

“If the two of you don’t plant your arses in the backseat right now,” Crowley said, sardonically, suppressing an urge to punch Dark Aziraphale in the arm, “neither of you gets any dessert.”

“Isn’t it too early for dessert?” Bright Aziraphale said, missing the joke.

“Isn’t it too early for dinner, for that matter, too?” Dark Aziraphale added.

“If you thought that, then you shouldn’t have walked out on dinner before it was over. We’re redoing dinner right now. It just happens to also be morning.” Crowley opened the backseat door for them. “Hurry up, then. Get in.”

The two Aziraphales glanced at each other.

“After you,” Dark Aziraphale said.

“No, after you,” Bright Aziraphale said.

“I insist, you first.”

“I really couldn’t. Please, you first.”

Crowley groaned loudly. “I am this close,” he pinched his fingers, “to putting you both in the passenger seat and calling it a bloody day. Tell me, which of you wants to sit on top of the other?”

The threat was wildly effective. The Aziraphales scampered into the backseat of the car. Bright Aziraphale made it first, and scooted down the seat to make room for his counterpart.

That was better. Crowley snorted to himself as he dropped himself into the driver’s seat. One Aziraphale could be indecisive enough at times. Managing two of them was a real challenge. On the other hand, Crowley was sure that he would meet this challenge and pass it with flying colours. The Aziraphales didn’t seem to be getting any better at negotiating with each other, whereas Crowley was quickly adapting to leading two Aziraphales around instead of one.

While he drove, the two of them were quiet. Peeking at them through the rear-view mirror, Crowley saw that Bright Aziraphale had his hands in his lap, and was looking down at his hands, or out the window. Dark Aziraphale kept touching the base of each of his horns. Crowley bit his lip, holding back the comforting words that were on the tip of his tongue. For a while, Crowley let his favourite music fill the empty space of the car. 

That was, until Crowley had a brilliant idea. 

Grinning madly to himself, he slammed his foot on the accelerator.

Both Aziraphales jumped in their seats at the sudden increase in speed. They held onto whatever they could get their hands on. They shouted in unison, “Crowley!”

Crowley turned down the music. He replied innocently, “What?”

Bright Aziraphale groaned. “There’s no need to go so fast!”

“Yes, you are going too fast. Please, do slow down!” Dark Aziraphale said.

“Why should I?” Crowley said. “We’ll get there faster this way. I’m saving time.”

“My dear, you know very well that this is very dangerous,” Bright Aziraphale said. “It’s not as though you haven’t hit anyone with your car before!”

“Hey, if you’re referring to the incident with the witch’s bike, that one doesn’t count. She hit me.”

Bright Aziraphale groaned. “And that was on an open road! We’re in the middle of the city right now!”

“Yes, there is traffic all around us,” Dark Aziraphale agreed. “This is far too much. Please, drive more carefully, Crowley!”

Crowley made a show of adjusting the rear-view mirror, making it clear to both of them that he was looking at them through its reflection. He looked at Bright Aziraphale, and spoke very slowly. “Well, I would expect this kind of lecturing from you, Angel. But you, too, Aziraphale?” His gaze slid over to Dark Aziraphale, whose midnight eyes went wide. “You’re saying you don’t like this speed? But you’re supposed to be like me, now,” Crowley laid it on thick, “aren’t you?”

Dark Aziraphale was shocked, and flustered. “Um… Um...“

Bright Aziraphale was shocked, too, and furious. “Crowley, you can’t talk to him like that!”

“It’s almost as if,” Crowley said loudly, cutting them both off, “switching sides doesn’t change who are you in the slightest. On the inside, you’re always the same old stuffy Aziraphale, nagging me about what to do.” He sent his most charming smile through the mirror. “Funny how that works, huh?”

The expression of astonishment on Dark Aziraphale’s face was exquisite. He was speechless. Behind his astonishment, there was a hint of grateful, unmitigated delight.

“You agree, don’t you, Angel,” Crowley said, shifting his magnetising attention back the other way. “You two are absolutely the same, on the inside.”

It was great news simply when Bright Aziraphale didn’t argue. He even nodded, hesitantly, awkwardly. When he thought Crowley had stopped watching him, he looked sideways at Dark Aziraphale, as if seeing him for the first time.

Satisfied with himself, Crowley turned up the music again, and did them the kindness of slowing the pace of his vehicle back to being slightly too high instead of absurdly too high. No one said a word for the rest of the short ride.

Crowley took them to the same restaurant as the previous night. He told the Aziraphales that they might stumble upon a clue for this mystery if they retraced their steps. They even took the same table as they had before. They didn’t find anything helpful, but oh well, it was worth a shot.

This brought them to problem four, and this was when Crowley decided to stop keeping track of the number of Aziraphale-duplication-related problems. Last night, Aziraphale had sat at a ninety-degree angle to Crowley’s side. This was impossible for two Aziraphales. Having them each sit at different ninety-degree angles was also no good. That would mean one of them would be privileged to take the original Aziraphale’s seat. He couldn’t have them both sit on that side, either, since one of them would be closer to Crowley than the other. There was a short-lived mental image in Crowley’s brain of stacking one Aziraphale on top of the other.

Dark Aziraphale motioned to his original spot, and said to Bright Aziraphale, “You can sit—”

“You finish that sentence,” Crowley said, menacingly, “and I punch you in the arm.”

Flustered again, Dark Aziraphale bit his lip. “Oh. Um.”

Crowley wondered if it would be cool for him to point out how adorable that was. He opted to shelve it for now.

“We’ll sit across from you,” Bright Aziraphale said. He pulled up a chair, so that there were two chairs facing Crowley’s. Bright Aziraphale sat in one.

Dark Aziraphale quickly sat next to him.

This put Crowley in the unusual position of being confronted with the sight of two nearly identical Aziraphales looking back at him, once he too had sat down. “Er, all right,” he said, leaning back lazily against the back of his chair. “Why not.”

When the waitress came over to take their orders, Crowley was fairly certain he knew exactly what she was going to say before she said it. He was completely right. “Oh, are you two twins?” she asked with excitement.

“Yeah,” Crowley answered nonchalantly for them, “they’re twins.”

“You two look so adorable,” she squealed. “You’re even sitting on the same side of the table. You two must get along really well. You are even dressed the same! Ah, mostly.”

Dark Aziraphale looked away, ashamed.

“Ah!” Crowley tutted. “Looks like you’ve embarrassed him. He is self-conscious about his horns, you know. He spent so much time making them, too, but he doesn’t think they’re any good.”

Dark Aziraphale stared sharp daggers into Crowley, and Crowley treasured every one of them.

“That’s just silly,” the waitress said. “They look adorable. You made those yourself? I have a sister who makes costume parts like that, too. She’d be so jealous of those. The curly part is so pretty.”

“Yes, I think so, too!” Bright Aziraphale said suddenly, cheerfully. “They match the colour of our coats. See?”

Dark Aziraphale’s jaw dropped.

Crowley laughed out loud. He hadn’t expected that at all, and he was thoroughly impressed. This was too much fun. 

Bright Aziraphale seemed pleased with himself, too.

“So they do,” the waitress said. “How cute!”

Poor Dark Aziraphale didn’t know what to do with himself. He shyly avoided eye contact with the other two. “Oh, uh, thank you kindly.”

“You two are just the cutest! Oh, are you two going to be sharing something to eat, then?”

“Nah,” Crowley drawled. “That’d be cruel. Wouldn’t want them to starve.”

Bright Aziraphale pouted indignantly at him. “Come now, we eat a perfectly normal amount,” he said.

“Hey, you should be thanking me for being so considerate. Something tells me you wouldn’t be too happy with half a plate.”

“We’ve got plates sized for two, though, if you’d like,” the waitress said.

A slow, evil grin stretched across Crowley’s features. “Oh, do you, really? Because,” he leaned forward on his elbows and cooed, “that would be super adorable.”

“No, no, that’s quite all right!” Dark Aziraphale said hastily. He was completely out of sorts by now. “That really is not necessary.” 

Bright Aziraphale agreed. “We’ll have separate plates, thank you.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Crowley said, shaking his head dramatically. “I bet it would have been absolutely precious.”

Neither Aziraphale graced that comment with a response, though they both seemed more than a little amused.

Crowley ordered the lunch size of the same dish that he’d had last night. Bright Aziraphale did the same. Dark Aziraphale did, too, which meant that he had to endure more charmed comments from their waitress about how cute and identical the two of them were. The waitress brought them their drinks and then went away, leaving the three to puzzle over the mystery that had been dropped onto them without warning.

“Okay,” Crowley said. “I’ll just wait for someone to start, ‘cause we all know that I can’t choose between you.”

“To start what, exactly?” Bright Aziraphale asked.

Crowley gave a Bright Aziraphale a judgmental tilt of the head. “You really gotta ask? For starters, how ‘bout what happened after you left the restaurant last night.”

“Well,” Bright Aziraphale answered, “I did very little. I walked home. It took a while to make the trip, I suppose, though not excessively long. I remember stopping to help one particular old lady—”

Crowley chuckled gleefully.

“—move her groceries to her car,” Bright Aziraphale said, frowning pointedly. “I’ll have you know that some of us on this planet aren’t ashamed of helping others.”

“You got that right,” Crowley said. “You’re so awfully consistent about it, too. I think it’s great, really. Don’t take it badly. It’s one thing I like so much about you.”

That appeased Bright Aziraphale a little. “Ah. Well, thank you,” he said.

“The lady needed help moving bottled water into the boot,” Dark Aziraphale said.

This caught Bright Aziraphale off guard. “Um, yes, that’s right.” He turned thoughtful, and Dark Aziraphale didn’t continue the story.

“What happened after that?” Crowley pressed.

“I went home,” Bright Aziraphale said, “and I read the next book I’ve had on my list. That’s all I did.”

“I did plan on reading,” Dark Aziraphale said quietly. “I didn’t make it that far.”

Crowley didn’t like the way he said that. “Go back to when you entered the bookshop. Tell me exactly what happened. Be very specific.”

Bright Aziraphale tapped his chin and raised his eyes in remembrance. “I stepped to the door, unlocked it with my key, went inside. It was all very typical. Although, I suppose I was a little… upset.”

“Naturally,” Crowley said on their behalf. 

Dark Aziraphale nodded. “I remember doing those things, as well.”

“What happened when you went inside?” Crowley asked.

“I…” Bright Aziraphale pouted. “To be honest, I stood there, for a little while.”

“You stood there?”

“I told you, I was upset. I wasn’t sure what to do.” Bright Aziraphale paused for a long moment. “I was… thinking. About what you had said. Actually, I had been thinking about what you had said for the entire time I was walking, too. I couldn’t get it out of my head, until I had it resolved one way or the other. In any case, I eventually decided that you were wrong, and that I would go read my book, and put the whole thing out of my head. I hung up my coat, sat at my desk, and read.” 

Dark Aziraphale’s gaze dropped to his lap. “I decided that you were right.”

Crowley and Bright Aziraphale both stared at him in horror.

His voice grew smaller. “I decided that I might as well Fall, as Crowley said. That things might even be better, if it ever happened. But then…” Dark Aziraphale smiled sadly. “Somehow, I did. Right there, in the shop.”

Crowley swallowed thickly. The implications of that were excruciatingly severe. The pain that this Azairaphale had suffered, it couldn’t be… Crowley’s fault, could it? All because of that stupid thing he had said to Aziraphale about Falling being a blessing? It was too terrible to imagine. 

“Were you in the bookshop the entire night like that?” Bright Aziraphale said suddenly, aghast. “It’s not as if I was looking down at my book the entire time. How could I not have noticed you?”

“Somehow, I didn’t notice you, either,” Dark Aziraphale murmured, still avoiding their gazes.

Crowley remembered that the two Aziraphales hadn’t noticed each other until he pointed them out to one another. Even when they had both spoken aloud in the same room, it had taken Crowley’s interference for them to become aware of each other. It had been very strange at the time, and it still seemed strange. But Crowley didn’t care about that right now.

Bright Aziraphale said, “Crowley, what’s the matter?” 

Crowley wondered what had given him away. Usually, his glasses did a good job of making him hard to read. “So you decided that I was right,” Crowley said in a dreadful monotone. “Aziraphale.”

Dark Aziraphale didn’t say anything. Maybe he had arrived at the truth, too. He, too, had realised that all of his misfortunes were because he had been tempted by the words of his long-time fallen angel friend.

Bright Aziraphale glanced between the two of them. “What is…?” Then he spoke to Crowley. “I don’t understand. You’re not… feeling guilty about what happened, are you?”

“It’s not a feeling, Angel,” Crowley said miserably. “It’s a fact. You heard him.”

Bright Aziraphale sat up straight. “It’s not a fact. That could be a coincidence. We don’t know what the cause of this was.”

“Coincidence? You disagree with me, you stay an angel. He agrees with me, he Falls. If that’s a coincidence, then that’s the biggest fucking coincidence I ever heard.”

“And I suppose you have an explanation for why there’s even two of us at all?” Bright Aziraphale demanded. “Your theory would be much more credible, if I wasn’t sitting here, too!”

Crowley grew quiet. No, he couldn’t explain that part of it. Corrupting one angel into Falling, that was within the scope of possibility. Corrupting one angel into cloning himself into a Fallen angel, however, was a pretty big stretch, even for him.

The waitress served them their food. She tried to make small talk with them again, but this time all three were so far from being receptive that she went away very quickly, looking very confused by the change in their attitudes.

The food was disgusting to Crowley. The dishes on the other side of the table seemed abhorrent, too. At this moment, all the food in the world revolted him. How could he eat, when he was at least partially responsible for what had befallen his beloved Aziraphale?

Dark Aziraphale picked slowly at his food. He was the only one eating.

Bright Aziraphale, like Crowley, didn’t touch his plate yet. “Come, there’s nothing for you to feel guilty about,” he said. “Think about it logically. You may have said something stupid, but I wouldn’t say you were malicious. And you apologised for it later. We both forgave you for it. Don’t you remember that? Even if he agreed with what you said once, he doesn’t anymore. There’s nothing more for you to rectify.”

“Are you sure he doesn’t?” Crowley said.

Bright Aziraphale blink. “I beg your pardon?”

“Are you sure he doesn’t…?” He hesitated. This was silly. They were talking about Dark Aziraphale as if he wasn’t here. 

Bright Azirphale sighed. “Aziraphale,” he said sternly, before Crowley could continue. It was weird to hear him use that name. “Tell Crowley that his head’s not screwed on straight. Tell him you changed your mind about that nonsense he said. About Falling being a blessing. I can’t believe I’m even asking you this. Surely, you couldn’t believe that still, after what happened to you.”

Dark Aziraphale didn’t answer. He kept eating.

Crowley’s heart plummeted down into the jagged, rocky mantle of the world. “Oh, Aziraphale,” he whispered.

“No… no. You’re wrong, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale hurried to say. “That doesn’t mean what you think. He’s just being shy. He can’t possibly still believe that there’s anything good about Falling.”

“Yes, it’s as you say, Angel,” Dark Aziraphale finally said. It took the form of a murmur to his plate. “I couldn’t possibly still believe that.”

In his long life, Crowley had never heard a more bald-faced lie from Aziraphale. So, it was true. He’d been corrupted by Crowley. This was all Crowley’s fault. One way or another, Aziraphale had fallen because of Crowley. He was the one who had hurt his angel. He hated himself for it.

“See?” Bright Aziraphale said, taken in by Dark Aziraphale’s lie. He was so unbearably thick, Crowley could have screamed at him. “He’s moved on. You shouldn’t waste any more time feeling guilty about things, Crowley.” He even smiled sweetly. “You ought to feel proud, instead. You’ve been very supportive through this whole episode. If I were him,” he said kindly, “I would be very grateful to you.”

“Oh, yes, I am,” Dark Aziraphale murmured. “I’m very grateful to you, Crowley.” His dark eyes glanced up with warm, earnest affection at Crowley.

Crowley’s insides churned in agony. This was untenable. How could there still be any affection for Crowley in those eyes, after what Crowley had done to him? For the second time in one day, Crowley felt like he would die. The realisation that the Aziraphale whom he corrupted would still have so much fondness for him—well, that realisation made him feel as unworthy as he had ever felt. This was a nightmare. And he had thought today would be fun?

“Then we are all on the same page, as the saying goes,” Bright Aziraphale said. “But then, why do you still look so bothered, Crowley?”

“I think he’s upset that you’re not eating,” Dark Aziraphale suggested.

“Oh! I see. Of course.” Bright Aziraphale didn’t think twice about it. He picked up his fork and joined his counterpart.

Crowley didn’t say anything. He did nothing but sit there and feel like shit.

* * *

The ride back to Aziraphale’s bookshop was long and tortuous. Crowley kept the music turned up so high as to prevent discussion of any kind. It was clear to him that his feeble pretence at not being in a bad mood was not working. Bright Aziraphale was suspicious now. If Dark Aziraphale knew why Crowley was taciturn, he didn’t let on that he did.

After Crowley had parked the Bentley by the bookshop and the two Aziraphales had let themselves out, Bright Aziraphale made his opinions on the situation known before they even left the pavement.

“This is getting ridiculous,” he said. “Crowley, something is clearly bothering you. I want to know what it is.”

“Eh. Who knows?” Crowley said.

“That’s not very helpful.”

“Sorry.” Crowley wasn’t free to say anything more. He wouldn’t give away Dark Aziraphale’s lie.

Bright Aziraphale tried again. “Why don’t you come in for a nice cup of tea? Or coffee? We can talk inside.”

“Actually, I think maybe I should go.”

That came as a disappointing shock to Bright Aziraphale. 

“Oh, you’re going home?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

Crowley wondered how Dark Aziraphale could stand talking to him. “Yeah. Home. Tired, I guess.”

The two Aziraphales both looked sorely disappointed.

“I’ll come ‘round later, or something. See ya.” Crowley turned back to his car. He hated his reflection in the driver's seat window. It showed him the face of the demon who had ruined Aziraphale’s life.

“Wait. Crowley.” It was Dark Aziraphale who had spoken. “Before you go…”

Crowley turned his head. “What?”

Dark Aziraphale clasped his hands anxiously. “May I please come with you?” he asked, plaintively.

For Crowley, time slammed to a halt. In this instance, it had nothing to do with miracles or magic. He was completely stupefied. He never expected any Aziraphale would want to come to his flat again, least of all this Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale narrowed his eyes in confusion. “If I hadn’t made it clear,” he said, “you’re very welcome to stay at the bookshop with me. There’s plenty of room for the two of us.”

But Dark Aziraphale shook his head. “I never expected you to throw me out.”

“Hold on. It’s not my place to throw you out of our bookshop. It is ours. It belongs to both of us.”

“That’s very kind of you to say. All the same, I would like very much to go with Crowley today.”

“But…” There was a vague impression of bewilderment and rejection about Bright Aziraphale.

“Please, don’t take it the wrong way,” Dark Aziraphale said. “It’s not that I have any quarrel with you. There are some things I need to talk about with Crowley. Some things… you wouldn’t be interested in.”

“No, no, please, don’t feel that you need to explain yourself. It’s all very plain to see. Crowley has been very supportive to you. In fact, I think your idea is a very good one. You should go with him.”

“Then you are not offended?”

“No. Certainly not.” Bright Aziraphale wore a half-forced smile. “Go with him. I insist.”

“Thank you. I am so glad to hear you say that.” Dark Aziraphale turned to Crowley. “May I come with you?”

Crowley’s brain was smoking. “Uh… sure.”

“Thank you very much.” Dark Aziraphale did a little appreciative bow with his head, then moved immediately to the passenger seat of the Bentley.

Crowley’s thoughts struggled to keep up with reality. He had wronged Dark Aziraphale so terribly, and yet Dark Aziraphale was the one who was coming home with him. It made no sense. It should have made him wonderfully happy, and deep down, it definitely did. The weight of his guilt, however, was squarely on top of all other feelings inside him.

Bright Aziraphale said, “Goodbye, Crowley.”

Crowley wondered why this Aziraphale seemed kind of sad. “Uh, you can come too. If you want.”

“Not today, thank you.” Bright Aziraphale gave him a nice, friendly wave. “Goodbye.”

“Yeah, sure, see ya,” Crowley said. He ignored the familiar frustration that he felt from Aziraphale’s denial. He should be used to it by now. He opened the car door and slithered back into the driver’s seat.

The shadowy, ram-horned presence of Dark Aziraphale welcomed him into the car. “Thank you for letting me come with you,” he said. “I am very grateful.”

The huge difference between Bright Aziraphale’s rejection and Dark Aziraphale’s acceptance was almost comically staggering. Crowley removed his dark glasses. “Why don’t you hate me?” he asked desperately, now that they were finally alone together. He wasn’t going to last another five minutes without the answer.

Dark Aziraphale hesitated. “Hate you? Why would I hate you? You’ve been very kind to me.”

“I made you Fall,” Crowley said, and his tone was savage. “I poisoned your head. You spent the night in pain because of me. You lost your identity because of me. Of course you hate me.” His heart was bursting with self-loathing. “Just get it over with and say you hate me, already!”

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said softly. “I don’t hate you. And you didn’t make me Fall. If anything, I walked down that path myself. I chose it. Your words were only a drop in the bucket of words that I’ve told myself. I was a fool to think that walking down that path would be easy, though. It was terrifying. When it happened, it was all so overwhelming and sudden. I hated the horns, and I hated that I couldn’t feel all the love in the world. I’d never felt like such a failure before. I didn’t think I could bear it. When I saw that there was an angel version of myself with you, I was certain that you wouldn’t want me with you anymore. And yet, you helped me come back to my senses. You didn’t push me away. You saved me. You made me feel so… welcome. I can never thank you enough for that.”

Crowley held his breath. He was hanging on the edge of every word.

“I’ve made it, Crowley. I Fell, and thanks to you, I survived it. I’m finally done with Gabriel and the others, like you said. I don’t have to concern myself with consequences from Heaven, and I’m not afraid of losing what I used to have. I gave it all up, because you were right. It was holding me back. It made me afraid of change. I’m not afraid anymore.”

Crowley couldn’t stop himself from feeling a golden sense of hope. “Aziraphale? What are you saying?”

“Crowley, I—” But Dark Aziraphale froze mid-speech. His eyes fluttered closed, and he collapsed against the back of his seat. His head rolled back, utterly limp.

Horrified and furious, Crowley swore at the top of his lungs. He nearly kicked his precious car. Of all the unlucky times for this Aziraphale to faint!

Crowley’s only recourse was to get out of the car and go into the bookshop and fetch Bright Aziraphale, once again. 

Clearly, Bright Aziraphale hadn’t been expecting to see him again so soon, but Crowley quickly explained what had happened, and they quickly went together to remove Dark Aziraphale from the Bentley.

As soon as Bright Aziraphale opened the passenger door, however, Dark Aziraphale woke up.

A dark epiphany dawned on Crowley. “You two can’t be apart!”

“Ah.” The idea was deeply disturbing to Bright Aziraphale. “But I was perfectly fine.”

“It doesn’t matter. He can’t be away from you.”

“That means…” Dark Aziraphale gasped. ”Oh, dear. I can’t… I can’t go with you, Crowley.”

Crowley had realised that too. It was brutal. It made Crowley absolutely furious with the universe. He finally had an Aziraphale who wanted to be free with him, and the universe had cruelly dictated that he wasn’t even able to take him home.

Dark Aziraphale was devastated, too. 

Until Bright Aziraphale said, “Then I will come as well.” 

Crowley sighed. This was the worst. “Angel, that’s not the solution to this. No one wants you to be where you don’t wanna be.”

“It’s not asking very much of me. I won’t be uncomfortable,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I think your flat is very nice. I won’t make a nuisance of myself. Perhaps I’ll read a book. That’s the only way he can come with you, yes?” Bright Aziraphale smiled kindly. “I’ll remain nearby so that you two can talk. I think I can do that much for you.”

“That is very generous,” Dark Aziraphale said with sincere appreciation. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Please, not at all,” Bright Aziraphale said, already leaving to fetch himself a book. “You would do the same for me.”

Crowley was still against it, but he apparently had been outvoted on this matter.

* * *

The less said about the ride to Crowley’s flat, the better. Crowley couldn’t shake the feeling that Bright Aziraphale did not want to come. The angel was too kind and nice to do anything except come, but it stung Crowley that Bright Aziraphale would be in his flat only reluctantly.

Crowley distracted himself by imagining what Dark Aziraphale was going to say to him.

When the three of them were in Crowley’s flat, Bright Aziraphale said, “I will stay here in the living room. Perhaps the two of you could go upstairs?”

Crowley frowned. This was so stupid. Everything about this situation felt so wrong. 

“Yes, that might be best,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Once again, thank you for doing this for me.”

“Of course. I will be here, then,” Bright Aziraphale said in a conclusive sort of way. He found a chair and started reading. 

Dark Aziraphale spun to Crowley, waiting to be led away.

Crowley didn’t like this at all. He didn’t want to leave behind either Aziraphale. Yet, Bright Aziraphale had made his choice. Crowley didn’t understand it, but he would do his best to respect it. With a flick of his head, Crowley led the way to find some suitable place for them to talk upstairs.

However, Dark Aziraphale stopped at the stairs. His fresh optimism swiftly crumbled. “Oh… Oh dear…”

Crowley was afraid to ask. “What?”

“I feel it happening,” Dark Aziraphale said. “My vision is going black. I think I will pass out if I go any further.” He took several steps back. 

“You can’t be serious.” This was really bad. They definitely weren’t out of earshot of Bright Aziraphale yet. “Why so soon?”

“So soon? What do you mean?”

“You held out alone in the car for much longer than this.”

“Um, I suppose you didn’t see, but I saw that the other me remained outside for as long as we talked. It was only when he went inside the shop that I lost consciousness.”

Crowley was floored. Bright Aziraphale had stood around that entire time? “But the first time,” he said. “When he went to get his coat upstairs. We were there alone for several minutes. Why did you last so long then—?” Crowley stopped himself. Dread entered his voice. “Oh. Oh.”

Dark Aziraphale was worried. “What is it?”

Crowley didn’t reply, however. A hot wire of anger coursed through his veins. He marched right back through his flat, into the living room, towards the angel sitting on one of his chairs.

The book that Bright Aziraphale had brought was already lowered. Fear was written all over his face. He had heard everything. He knew exactly what was coming.

“You eavesdropped on us!” Crowley hissed. “At the bookshop!”

Bright Aziraphale gripped his book very tightly. He could be remarkably dense sometimes, but in this case he was smart enough not to deny the accusation. “Yes, I did,” he said weakly. “I am sorry. I know it was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Bright Aziraphale said, ashamed. “I meant to leave you and him alone. You were being everything he needed, and I… I was getting in the way.”

“Let me know when you get around to answering my question.”

Bright Aziraphale flinched. “I’m… I’m not sure. I don’t know. I must have been curious.”

“Well, it’s a bloody good thing you’re so curious,” Crowley raved, “because that other Aziraphale passes out whenever you can’t see or hear him. So we can’t do a damn thing without you.”

“Don’t be upset. We can work around this. You two could write messages to each other—”

“No!” Crowley cut the air with his hands. “Fuck it. We’re not playing this game anymore. You’re involved now.”

Bright Aziraphale was not comfortable with that at all.

“Wait.” There was a small voice from behind Crowley. “Please, Crowley, don’t do that.” It was Dark Aziraphale. “He doesn’t want to be involved.”

“Why not?” Crowley demanded. He was so frustrated that he was close to tears. “Why, Angel? Why does it have to be like this? You listen on us from afar, you watch us from afar, but you don’t come forward. Why do you do that? Are you afraid of me? Why do you have to Fall before you’ll let me be close to you? Was it something I did? If it was, tell me! Whatever is, I’ll fix it. Just tell me what it is. You gotta tell me what it is. I’ll fix it!”

If Bright Aziraphale was uncomfortable before, he was distressed now.

“Crowley, please, don’t talk like that,” Dark Aziraphale’s sweet voice said.

Crowley froze. Two gentle, tender arms had wrapped around Crowley from behind his back. He felt Dark Aziraphale press against him from behind, hugging him tightly.

It was some small relief that he was treated to a great view of Bright Aziraphale’s best scandalized face.

Dark Aziraphale’s voice was soothingly soft and familiar. “Please, don’t be too upset with him. It’s nothing you did. He is scared. I was scared, too, before my Fall. I was afraid of being close to you. There were so many things to be scared of. I thought you might grow bored with me, or I might disappoint you, or that Heaven or Hell would find out, but worst of all, I was scared I wouldn’t be an angel anymore. I loved being an angel. If I stopped being a good angel—if I sinned, or if I Fell—what good was I to anyone, then? That’s why it became a habit of mine to keep you at a safe distance. I knew you wanted more. I wanted to give it to you, but I couldn’t risk it.”

Crowley let the words wash over him. He looked down at the other Aziraphale, who seemed very lost.

“That other me is not free,” Dark Aziraphale said. “He’s too afraid of ceasing to be an angel. But… I think it’s all right, my dear. Because I am free, and he’s me, and I want to help. He doesn’t have to let go of being an angel, for you to get what you need. It’s enough that I let it go.” He released Crowley and moved to his side, where held Crowley’s hands in his a strong grip. He was full of adoration and sweetness, and his dark eyes were sparkling. “I’m sorry that I made you wait so long. You don’t have to be so frustrated anymore. You can let it all out. I’ve done it. I’ve caught up to you.” His cute smile was impossibly angelic. “I love you.”

Crowley was weak to that smile. He melted. “Aziraphale,” he whispered, ”Fuck,” the word came out half-choked, “I love you so damn much.”

That made Dark Aziraphale very happy. He raised his head and kissed Crowley innocently on the cheek.

The sweetness was too much. It was everything he had longed for, and more, but Crowley was so terribly conflicted inside. Tears ran down from Crowley’s crinkled eyes.

He found himself being pulled in for another loving embrace. “My dear, sensitive Crowley. I love you,” Dark Aziraphale repeated kindly. “I love you. I am so happy to finally say these things to you. I want you to know that, If I could, I would live here with you. We would eat breakfast together every morning, and you would talk to me whenever you were lonely. I would always be available to you.”

“Please stay,” Crowley pleaded.

“That’s not for me to decide, my dear,” Dark Aziraphale gently reminded him.

Crowley didn’t want to look at the other Aziraphale. He didn’t want to let go of this beautiful dream.

“Don’t worry, Crowley. I’m never very far away. Whether or not I’m here with you, you can call me whenever you like. We don’t call each other very often, do we? We ought to make a habit of it, don’t you think?”

“I’d love that,” Crowley said. He would gladly take Aziraphale however he could get him.

From somewhere far away and yet very close, Bright Aziraphale said quietly, “I’ll stay.”

Crowley counted, one, two, three seconds. Then he pulled back from Dark Aziraphale without letting go completely, and reluctantly looked at the other one.

The Aziraphale sitting down was a nervous wreck. He was holding onto his book like a lifeline. “I see how happy he makes you, Crowley.”

“He’s you,” Crowley tried to argue, but he already knew that it was futile. There was no getting through to this angel. No matter how much he loved Bright Aziraphale, any affection that came back was never allowed to be too much.

“Exactly,” Bright Aziraphale whispered to his book. “You’ll be very happy. I am glad.”

An insult would have been kinder. The heart in Crowley’s chest was splitting in two. “But… but…”

“Don’t be sad, my dear,” Dark Aziraphale said. He took Crowley into his mind-numbingly warm and pleasant embrace again. “He is genuinely glad. There’s no reason to worry. Everything will work out. I promise. I will make sure it does. That’s why I am here. That’s why I came into being, I think. I’m here to be of use to both of you.”

Just as getting through to Bright Aziraphale was futile, convincing Dark Aziraphale that he was real was futile, too. Crowley considered crawling into a corner somewhere to have a good long cry. His greatest desire had come true, and it felt so good, yet it hurt so terribly, too.

There was so much sympathy in Dark Aziraphale’s touch. “Please, don’t be sad. I don’t wish for you to be sad. You should be happy. We all have what we want. All three of us will be so happy, this way. You can count on me. I will do my very best. This is my chance for me to make up for all those times you saved me, Crowley—all those times you stayed by me when everyone else abandoned me. Let me show you how grateful I truly am to you.”

“You don’t owe me anything for all that,” Crowley murmured. 

“I know,” Dark Aziraphale said, “but I want to.”

Crowley had dreamed so many times of hearing Aziraphale talk to him like this. How could everything be so perfect, and yet so wrong? Crowley looked at Bright Aziraphale one more time. Crowley didn’t want things to end this way. “You don’t gotta be such a good angel,” he pleaded. “You don’t have to be of use to anybody.”

But Bright Aziraphale was now smiling at him with sweet and unconditional understanding, and Crowley couldn’t stand it. “He is right, Crowley. I am glad. He will be good for you. As your friend, I assure you that you have my complete support. You would like to remain friends with me, of course?“

No matter what, Crowley wouldn’t let things end this way.


	3. Day 2-4

The old Arrangement was thus replaced by a new Arrangement.

The rules of the Arrangement came into power without being spoken about. They had been self-evident from the start. After all, Bright Aziraphale still had his bookshop to attend to, and Dark Aziraphale enjoyed the bookshop as well, so it was only natural that they would return there during business hours. The remaining hours, however, were given to the new relationship between Dark Aziraphale and Crowley. 

The problem of transportation was initially a tricky one. One a scale of one to ten, how miserable would it be if Crowley regularly picked up the Aziraphales in his car, one willing and one reluctant? Crowley rated it a strong nine—ten, if the Aziraphales each insisted that the other sit in the passenger seat. In his mind, he could already hear Bright Aziraphale saying that he was merely a necessary accessory and belonged in the back, while Dark Aziraphale insisted that he was only a fake stand-in and could never take the real Aziraphale’s place.

Thank Satan, Crowley was spared that particular agony. Rather than travel by car, the two Aziraphales resorted to taking the bus. Of course, they had no choice but to travel together. So that’s how they travelled. 

Although, on one of the first days of the Arrangement, Dark Aziraphale had cheerfully made one terrifying suggestion to the two others. “Perhaps I ought to stay here with Crowley indefinitely. I am merely unconscious when the two of us are not in proximity. I will go to sleep when the other me leaves, and wake up when he returns. That could go some way towards simplifying matters considerably.”

“If you do that, I can’t call you on the phone,” Crowley had said, managing to successfully suppress how badly he wanted to scream at Dark Aziraphale for being so self-sacrificing. 

Dark Aziraphale had been so dreadfully supportive of him. “Oh. My apologies, Crowley. I assumed you weren’t ready for that yet. You haven’t called me yet.”

“Well I’m ready now,” Crowley had answered sharply, not because it was true, but because he would say anything to be counter to Dark Aziraphale’s suggestion.

Bright Aziraphale, being his irritatingly helpful self, had followed this up with his own stupid, self-sacrificing idea. “Crowley could stay at the bookshop,” he had proposed. “I could make some space upstairs for living quarters. I’ve been told there are small storage facilities where I might move all of my books to.”

Crowley had deferred the proposal. “Maybe some other time, Angel.” It had felt strange and not altogether great to be the one to turn down an invite. Usually, it was the other way around. Nonetheless, Crowley refused to live in a bookshop with an Aziraphale who did not want him there.

In this fashion, the details of the Arrangement were quickly settled, and the friendship that had long existed between Crowley and the Aziraphales was irrevocably changed.

The visits to Crowley’s began simply and platonically enough, but that was out of consideration for Crowley, who was still fighting with himself to adjust to the new state of things. That first night they spent at Crowley’s, Dark Aziraphale had mentioned that it might do them all some good to watch some mindless television together. They did so, and they all discovered that the two Aziraphales had virtually identical opinions about the content. This discovery did wonders in helping put Bright Aziraphale into a more calm mood. 

Afterwards, they had all got pleasantly sozzled. They kept the conversations to safe topics. Dark Aziraphale was relatively free with his innocent physical displays of affection, but he toned it down whenever Crowley grimaced too much because he thought Bright Aziraphale would be uncomfortable. But both Dark Aziraphale and Bright Aziraphale had an easy demeanour about it. Their easiness confused Crowley to no end.

In the first days of the Arrangement, the Aziraphales returned to the bookshop in the evening. Crowley guessed that Dark Aziraphale would have preferred to stay the night, whereas Bright Aziraphale did not. This left Crowley with about six to eight hours daily to make the most out of their company. It was much more time than Crowley had ever spent with his friend, so he was too busy being grateful for this new gift to resent their early departure.

On their second day over, Crowley went crazy.

“Put your coats back on, B and D,” he cried, when the two had arrived at his flat. He struck an overly stylish pose, tilting his head and pointing up to the roof. “We’re all going shopping!”

The Aziraphales were thoroughly dumbfounded and confused.

Crowley drove them to a shopping centre. He himself wasn’t sure what he was accomplishing with this. All he really understood was that he wanted to have fun with both Aziraphales again. 

He started by taking them to an upscale boutique. Almost frantically, he flipped through the most excessive garments, searching for something that could express the powerful emotions he was currently enduring. He chose a dark, short, thick scarf and thrust it into the face of the man behind the till. “This,” he’d stated shortly. He’d walked out with the scarf around his neck and his old thin necktie in his hand, which promptly fell into the rubbish bin. “Always hated that thing,” he told the Aziraphales. “You like anything?”

“Thank you, Crowley, but I’m very fond of my clothes,” Bright Aziraphale said politely.

Dark Aziraphale looked down and considered his attire. “Perhaps a change would be good,” he said.

Crowley tilted his head. “Oh?”

“Well, these clothes are important to me. I do have fond memories of them. But, um, I’m sure it’s only reasonable to assume that only one of us has the real version of them. Yes, my dear, a change would make sense for me.”

“You probably shouldn’t have said that,” Bright Aziraphale murmured.

The warning went over Dark Aziraphale. “What do you mean?”

“Look at Crowley.”

Dark Aziraphale looked, and saw that Dark Crowley was sporting his most stoic, disapproving frown. His dark shades only added to his threatening atmosphere. Quickly, Dark Aziraphale shifted tone. “Oh! Um! Well!” he clapped his hands together anxiously. “I’ve changed my mind. I’m not interested in changing the clothes. I am very fond of my clothes. That’s not what I meant to say. Yes, change is good, but, I meant to say… um… oh!” a burst of cleverness saved him at the last minute. “I’d like a new hat, possibly.”

The fire behind Crowley’s calm exterior was permitted to cool down. “That’s what I thought you said.” 

Dark Aziraphale sighed in relief.

However, Bright Aziraphale wasn’t so sure. “A hat…?”

The hesitancy from one Aziraphale seemed to spark sudden recollection in the other. “Oh!” Dark Aziraphale reached up to feel his horns. “Oh, I, um…” His hands dropped. He smiled politely. “A hat won’t fit me, will it? How silly of me. These horns are a bit big, aren’t they? I’m a little amazed that people don’t stare at them.”

Theatrically, Crowley spun his arm, and pointed down the giant hall of the shopping centre. “This way, D,” he said. “I know just the place for you.” On that note, he marched away.

Behind him, he overheard one of the Aziraphales ask the other, “What does D mean?”

“I’m not sure,” replied the other. “I think I’ve heard the expression b-and-d before, but I can’t remember what it means.”

“Don’t look that up!” Crowley startled the two by shouting back at them. He was irritated with himself for not realising that coincidence sooner. He’d have to go back to their normal titles.

The next shop that Crowley brought them to was not a hat shop, but rather an accessories shop. The place was full of ribbon and rhinestones. In the midst of that sanctuary of sparkles and glitter, the black-dressed Crowley stood out horribly. Normally, he wouldn’t be caught dead in such a shop, but he was here for a friend. 

The Aziraphales, who both matched the decor quite well, were all curiosity as they followed him.

“Here. This one’s perfect.” Crowley selected some fake flower pins, adorable and brightly-coloured, from a bin. He turned to Dark Aziraphale, said “Hold still for a sec’”, and applied one pin to the hair at the base of one of his horns.

Dark Aziraphale blinked. “What… What are you doing?”

“Needs more flowers,” Crowley said. He picked out several more pins and stuck them all around the horns, encircling the front of them.

Much to Crowley’s delight, Bright Aziraphale was astonished. “Oh, my,” he said, his eyes wide. “That’s very… pretty.”

“They are?” Dark Aziraphale quickly hurried around to find the shop’s closest mirror. He came to a halt in front of one. He, too, was extremely surprised. 

Crowley leaned back against a wall, making the effort to look extra cool and stylish. “You like it?”

“Why, I look like a magical creature out of some fairy tale,” Dark Aziraphale whispered reverently. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty good, all right,” Crowley nodded, not letting his immense pride in himself show. Perhaps Dark Aziraphale could finally see how beautiful he was, now. Crowley tilted his head at the other one. “Now, for you.”

The attention came as very unexpected to Bright Aziraphale. “Me? What about me?”

For no other reason than to get a rise out of him, Crowley picked out a fake angel’s halo headband and gave it to Bright Aziraphale. “This has your name all over it, Angel.”

Bright Aziraphale struggled to form a coherent answer. “You… Why… That’s absurd!” He crossed his arms. “I am not wearing that.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Crowley agreed unhelpfully, “it’s too lame, even for you.” He prowled through the entire shop, searching for something that would do the trick. The other people in the shop studiously avoided him.

The two Aziraphales hovered behind him at a secure distance. “I’m quite fine without anything,” Bright Aziraphale said, as Dark Aziraphale stayed silent. “Frankly, if this is an instance of you trying to be fair, it is a misplaced sense of fairness.”

“Shut up,” Crowley said. He picked out a light pink hair bow, and held it above Bright Aziraphale’s head like a designer judging the correct placement of an art piece. “Hm…”

“Cut it out!” Embarrassed, Bright Aziraphale swatted it away. “You’re…” The tiniest smirk of delight peeked out ever so briefly through the angel’s loud show of indignance. “My dear, you’re being ridiculous,” Bright Aziraphale stated firmly. “I am not a dress-up doll.”

There was no way Crowley was going to stop now. “You can leave anytime you want,” he said casually. He turned back to the rows of accessories, and picked a giant yellow flower headband. He raised this item to Bright Aziraphale’s head as well. “No, yellow is not your colour,” he said in a professionally serious manner. 

“My pocket watch chain is yellow.”

“It’s gold.”

“That’s a kind of yellow.”

“It couldn’t be more different.” Crowley next tried a fuzzy hat that was in the shape of the head of an anthropomorphic panda cub. He plopped it on top of Aziraphale’s head. “Now that’s just adorable,” he drawled.

Bright Aziraphale could not dignify that with a response. Robotically, he removed the article from his hair and placed it back in his proper place. All the while, he totally failed in his efforts to keep down a flattered smirk.

To the side, Dark Aziraphale played with some small fascinator hats. There was a miniature top hat in his hand, which he was evaluating seriously. “What about this one?”

A veneer of betrayed anguish passed over Bright Aziraphale. “Really!”

Crowley didn’t hide how pleased he was to have a partner in crime. This was exactly the kind of fun that he’d been missing. However, he shook his head. “Not bad, but it’s black. Black’s no good for Angel.” He picked up a princess crown and fought with himself over trying it, until deciding that the sharpness of the crown’s points didn’t suit any version of Aziraphale. He went back to the hair bows. He picked out a light blue one, attached to a light blue headband. “Put this on.”

“That clashes with my bowtie.”

“No it doesn’t. And I’m not putting a tartan bow on your head. Besides, it matches your shirt.”

Taking Crowley’s side, Dark Aziraphale chimed in, “It reminds me of the bow that Belle wears.“

“Yeah, exactly, why not,” Crowley said, not understanding at all whom Dark Aziraphale was referring to.

Bright Aziraphale, forever slow and indecisive at heart, vacillated for a little while. His eyes roamed the shop, searching for something less humiliating, but if he was searching for something like a baseball hat or a newsboy cap, he was in the wrong shop. “Fine,” he huffed at last, “since it seems to mean so much to you, that will do. I will wear it today. Only today!”

Crowley did a thumbs-up. “Sold.”

Yes, the whole exercise was incredibly pointless. Yes, it was inconceivable that Bright Aziraphale would keep the hair bow after today. But it was all worth it, for the adorably flustered expression that Bright Aziraphale gave him.

Crowley couldn’t help himself. He loved both Aziraphales. He wanted to make them both happy.

Once the items were purchased and his two Aziraphales were thusly adorned, Crowley brought them to a perfume shop. He spent the better part of half an hour assaulting them both with various scented sprays, begging them to give them a sniff and tell him what they thought of them. Their opinions were always the same, so he efficiently took turns with each for every other perfume.

Eventually, Bright Aziraphale had the bright idea to exact revenge and spray some things at Crowley. He very specifically chose scents of the soft and delicate variety. However, if it was a move calculated to offend Crowley, it didn’t work. He merely covered up the smell of flowers on him with heavy doses of hardier cologne, his cool grin daring Bright Aziraphale to try better next time. 

Crowley led them out of the shop when their noses could no longer distinguish any scent amongst a hundred different scents that they were covered in.

He brought them to a few more shops after that. There was another clothing boutique, a shoe shop, and a makeup supplies shop, where Crowley purchased some hair styling cream. By then, Crowley was growing tired of the shopping and had turned his thoughts toward plans for dinner.

He tempted them to join him at one of the nearby restaurants. Both of them eagerly accepted.

Dinner went as well as it could have gone. All along the way, several people complimented the Aziraphales on their remarkable appearance. The Aziraphales were told over and over about what a cute image they made.

The three of them took a booth table. The Aziraphales sat together. Unlike during the disaster of their first shared meal at a restaurant, there was no talk about the mystery of the Aziraphales' cloning, or of the terrible temptation of Falling that Crowley had accidentally wrought upon the original Aziraphale, thereby unintentionally giving rise to this whole ordeal. Crowley stuffed those thoughts as far down in his head as they would go. Instead, he resolved to enjoy his time with the two. He asked them who that Belle person was. They answered him in great, passionate, and engaging detail.

By the time they had returned to the well-cared-for seats of the Bentley, Crowley was in a blissfully satisfied mood. He wasn’t bursting into song, but such an act would have adequately captured the happiness he was feeling.

“This was a lovely trip, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said from the back of the car.

“Thank you so much for the nice day,” Dark Aziraphale added, from the other side.

It shouldn’t have been possible, but Crowley was sure that he fell in love with Aziraphale just a little bit more. “Sure. Don’t mention it.” As he shifted the car into reverse, Crowley didn’t switch on the music. There was no need to. It would have only detracted from the feeling of general contentment that filled the car from front to back.

* * *

Whenever the three of them were in private, the metaphorical gloves came off of Dark Aziraphale. He was anxious to be affectionate. The combination of his closeness and Bright Aziraphale’s distance made for some of the most overwhelming and confusing circumstances that Crowley had ever found himself in.

On the third day, for example, Crowley was chilling out on the sofa, being lazy and passively enjoying the presence of the two Aziraphales who were in his flat, when flower-headed Dark Aziraphale asked if he could join him. Crowley moved over, and Dark Aziraphale sat next to him. The hug that Crowley received was secure and relaxing. It made Crowley’s brain cheerfully dump all rational thought and go completely blank. 

“I love you.” Dark Aziraphale nuzzled him, like a devoted puppy, if the puppy had curly horns decorated with fake flowers and was taking care about where he put the horns and the pins. “I love you very much. This is so nice, Crowley. It’s very nice to sit with you. Are you enjoying this, too?”

Crowley’s throat went dry. “Yeah.” He couldn’t help doing what he did next. He glanced at the other one.

From across the room, Bright Aziraphale was not paying attention to them. He kept his book squarely in front of himself. He wasn’t wearing the blue hair bow.

“My dear,” Dark Aziraphale said sweetly. “I would like to do even more for you. Do you like to kiss on the lips?”

A spark zipped through Crowley’s nerves. “Uh… uh…” His mouth flapped ineffectually. Again, he caught no sign of a response from the other Aziraphale. This situation was completely messed up.

Lovingly, Dark Aziraphale stroked Crowley’s cheek. “I’ll give you anything you like, Crowley. I want to. I want to show you how important you are to me.”

“O…Okay.”

“Yes?” The hopeful, enthusiastic smile on the face of his long-time best friend gleamed back at him. “You would like a kiss?”

Crowley heard his own breathing pick up. He longed to say Aziraphale’s name, to whisper it with worship and devotion. That didn’t seem like a good idea, though, when considering present company. “Yeah,” he said roughly, “you know, if you do, too.”

Dark Aziraphale positively beamed. The enormous magnitude of his enthusiasm was intoxicating to Crowley. “Certainly!” His other hand came up to rest gently on Crowley’s neck. The touch burned dissolved the tension in his body wonderfully. “Ah, your eyes are so pretty,” Dark Aziraphale said softly. “Yellow is a very good colour on you. I love looking into them.”

Fuck it. “Aziraphale,” Crowley all but whimpered. He willed himself to forget about the other one, if only for this moment. He had waited so long for this. “Please.”

“Don’t worry. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.” With dark and half-lidded eyes, Dark Aziraphale moved ever so slowly forward and gently pressed his lips to Crowley’s.

Crowley was swept away by the intimate dance between their mouths. Dark Aziraphale used his hands on Crowley’s head to achieve the best possible angle for kissing, and it was euphoric. Crowley’s head was swimming. Every caress from this Aziraphale was infinitely tender and caring. Crowley couldn’t get a grip of himself. He wanted so terribly to drown in this feeling. A couple of times, when Crowley thought Dark Aziraphale was about to give it a rest, the kiss only grew deeper and more passionate. With their sensuous movements, the lips on his own told him that he was loved and desired.

After a little while, Dark Aziraphale pulled back just enough to endow several chaste kisses on Crowley’s cheek.

“Aziraphale,” Crowley breathed, his hearting pounding like crazy, “what are you doing to me.”

“I’m kissing you.” Dark Aziraphale stroked affectionately underneath Crowley’s ear.

“You’re,” Crowley shuddered pleasantly, “kissing me…” 

“It makes me very happy to kiss you. You are very handsome, Crowley, on the inside and on the outside. I’ll give you anything you like, my dear.”

Crowley clutched the shoulders of Dark Aziraphale’s clothes. “More kissing. Please.”

“Of course. As much as you like.” Dark Aziraphale brought their faces together again and wrote a heartfelt story of love with his mouth on Crowley’s. A rush of exhilaration, and a thrilling sense that he was truly desired, electrified his body. Although Crowley never forgot about the presence of the third person in the room, he came very close to it.

They kissed for at least an hour. It was amazing, and it passed by too quickly. Despite his best efforts to keep himself contained, Crowley let out a hungry moan more than once. He didn’t know how he we would be able to look Bright Aziraphale in the eyes after this was over.

Later, when the three of them shared a takeaway dinner which was delivered to Crowley’s flat, everything was like normal between them again. Dark Aziraphale was happy. Bright Aziraphale was companionable, and, to Crowley’s total astonishment, happy. He behaved as if nothing extraordinary had just occurred on Crowley’s sofa, or perhaps even as if something good had happened. He looked into Crowley’s eyes with astonishing ease and friendliness.

Crowley, for his own part, was a fabulous mess. He was elated, and dumbfounded, and bewildered. He wondered just how long this bizarre Arrangement was going to last.

* * *

Despite being famous aficionados of detective novels, the Aziraphales were remarkably uninterested in solving their own mystery. They seemed content to leave it to Crowley’s judgement. To be honest, Crowley was partial to letting the mystery go unsolved. The Arrangement between the three of them was far from perfect, but it was a much better deal than what he’d had previously. On the other hand, it was exactly that kind of selfish thinking that had brought this problem down on Aziraphale in the first place. Therefore, it was for guilt’s sake that Crowley looked into it. 

There was no precedent for the cloning that he could discover. The only great hint he had to go by was the first point of divergence between them. Dark Aziraphale had decided that Falling might be a good thing, while Bright Aziraphale had decided the other way. As far as Crowley knew, their beliefs had not changed in the last few days. That presented an interesting possibility. 

If their beliefs were changed to be in harmony, then would they return to being one Aziraphale?

The consequences of that idea were profoundly unattractive. Either Dark Aziraphale would have to despise Falling, or Bright Aziraphale would have to welcome it. Crowley couldn’t see either thing happening, and he certainly did not want to have to persuade either of them one way or the other. If his idea was wrong, and their harmony did not reunite them, then he would have done substantial damage to at least one of them for no benefit.

Out of fairness, Crowley presented the idea to them on their fourth day over. As soon as they arrived, he fetched something to drink from the kitchen and asked them to sit and listen to his theory.

“I don’t understand,” Bright Aziraphale said, once Crowley had finished his explanation. “We are not out of harmony on the matter of Falling. Neither of us would choose to Fall! I would not choose it, and it goes without saying that the other me did not choose his fate.”

“Yes, I did not choose it,” Dark Aziraphale said, his soft face becoming suddenly hard like a wall.

Crowley bit back a groan. They were never going to make any great progress if Dark Aziraphale didn’t admit the truth to his counterpart. On the other hand, it put off one very big problem that Crowley faced. That problem was that if Dark Aziraphale confessed that he still believed Falling was a blessing, then it was likely that Bright Aziraphale would never forgive Crowley for putting such a cruel belief into Dark Aziraphale’s head.

It was comical how badly Bright Aziraphale misunderstood Crowley’s hesitance. “You’re skirting around the truth, aren’t you? The real disharmony between us is on the matter of you, Crowley. That’s what you meant to say, isn’t it? You needn’t mince words with me. We can all be mature about it.”

Maturity and Crowley didn’t mix. He dared to meet Bright Aziraphale with a straight face. “I didn’t think there was any disharmony about me,” he said. “You mean you don’t think I’m handsome, too?”

Bright Aziraphale flinched. “What? I… Why should that matter? You know perfectly well what the disharmony is. It has nothing to do with your appearance.”

Crowley tilted his head to the other one. “Hey, Aziraphale.”

There was a quiet pleading in Dark Aziraphale subdued manner. “... Yes?”

“You said I was handsome.”

“Yes. You are.”

“Great. Did you think I was handsome, oh let’s say, five days ago? Or is it a new thing?”

“Oh, no,” Dark Aziraphale was quick and happy to say. “Ever since we met in the Garden, I’ve always thought you were handsome. I found your red hair to be very gorgeous.”

The result was a delicious sight. Bright Aziraphale was humiliated and furious. 

“Seems like you two must be in perfect harmony about me,” Crowley said smugly. “Unless, you’ve changed your mind recently?”

“I wasn’t talking about that!” Bright Aziraphale exclaimed hotly. “I’m talking about how we interact with you! Goodness, Crowley, you’re making this difficult on purpose. You should know as well as I do that there is a very sizeable difference in our… inhibitions.”

That choice of word gave Crowley a fresh sliver of hope. Bright Aziraphale could have said there was a difference in their feelings, but he didn’t. The difference was in their sense of freedom. It wasn’t new information, really, but it was a welcome reminder that Bright Aziraphale did care about him, deep down, underneath his asinine fear of ceasing to be an angel.

The air around Bright Aziraphale shifted. It turned painfully murky. “Oh.” He bit his lip. “Then. Does that mean, if I behave differently towards you—?”

“No!” Crowley shouted.

Bright Aziraphale froze.

Crowley would rather cut off his own arm than make Bright Aziraphale feel obligated to behave differently towards him. “No, that’s not it. That’s not what I’m getting at. That’s not where everything started. If you forgot, then let me remind you. You two were the same, until that moment when one of you decided Falling was fine and the other one decided it wasn’t. Everything that came afterwards happened because of that. I’m suggesting that, even if you don’t know it, maybe deep down, unconsciously, one of you believes that Falling is A-okay, and that might be enough to keep the clone thing going.”

Dark Aziraphale looked at him.

Crowley held that gaze. “It’s possible that you’re the first angel in all of creation who accidentally opted into Falling. Maybe that’s what screwed up everything. Maybe you Fell, ‘cause you chose it, but you also didn’t Fall, because you hadn’t earned it.”

“Do you have any evidence for any of this?” Dark Aziraphale said aloofly.

Not a single shred. “Hey, believe me,” Crowley said. “I like it even less than you do. I really, really don’t like it. You remember who it was who put those stupid ideas in your head in the first place. But it’s all I bloody got to go on right now.”

A heavy silence fell among them.

“How many clones do you propose the angel of the pair can make?” Bright Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley didn’t want to answer that. He’d already had that thought. There was no reason to examine it.

When he didn’t get a response, though, Bright Aziraphale continued. “If I repeatedly opt into Falling, and split myself into two, then there will always be one angel left who can repeat the process. However, if I opt into Falling and nothing happens, then we will know that your theory is incorrect. That’s very easy to test, is it not?” He rose to his feet, and cleared his throat.

Alarm hit Crowley like a bus. “Wait!” He stood up. “Angel, wait. Don’t—!”

“I choose to Fall!” Bright Aziraphale said, loudly and clearly.

Terrified, and extremely livid that Bright Aziraphale could so casually take such a risk, Crowley went still and waited for something to happen. 

This was in great contrast to both Aziraphales, who barely batted an eye.

They were right to do so. Nothing happened.

“See?” Bright Aziraphale sat back down again. “No harm done.”

Crowley’s pulse was through the roof. “You’re unbelievable. You meant it, didn’t you,” he whispered breathlessly. 

“You’re overreacting, Crowley. It was never going to do anything. It was good of you to look for a theory, but it’s likely we are missing too much information to get anywhere. Whatever caused this cloning incident, it wasn’t something as simple as opting to Fall—which neither of us actually did, by the way.”

“That’s true,” Dark Aziraphale allowed himself to say. “I never actually expected it to happen, my dear. I only accepted that it could happen.”

“I’m afraid the only course left to us, if we wish to solve this problem, is to send messages to the old offices,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Perhaps someone will know something.”

There was no way Crowley was talking to anyone Downstairs. “What? We can’t do that! After all the shit we pulled? We’d be lucky if they don’t try to kill us. Forget about getting any answers from them.”

“Yes, I quite realise the difficulty involved.” Bright Aziraphale spread out his hands in a motion of surrender. “In that case, my dear, we simply have no options left, except to wait and see.”

Crowley wasn’t ready to agree with that. He knew they still had one option left. He wasn’t about to admit it to either Aziraphale, though. In his opinion, it was a rather demeaning option. He would have to send a message later to that human witch, he decided. And he would do it by himself.

“Uh, wait,” Crowley said, suddenly. “I have one other idea.”

Bright Aziraphale said, “What is it?”

Crowley got up, strode over to the Aziraphales, lifted their hands, clapped their hands to one another’s, and waited to see if anything extraordinary would happen.

All he got for his trouble was two very amused Aziraphales. All things considered, though, that wasn’t too bad.


	4. Day 5-6

On the fifth day, Crowley finally worked up the nerve to call Dark Aziraphale on the phone.

One of the Aziraphales picked up the phone. Judging from the sound of his voice, he was delighted to hear from Crowley. “My dear! How are you?”

“Which one is this?”

“Ah. This is Aziraphale.”

In other words, it was Dark Aziraphale. That should have been obvious, but it never hurt Crowley to cover all his bases. “Is this a bad time?”

“Oh, not at all. When there’s two of me running this place, no time is a bad time. It was never particularly a handful to begin with.”

“Can Angel hear me through this?”

“No, I don’t believe so. Why do you ask?”

Crowley fell back on his sofa, and ran his fingers through his hair. He wondered what they did, exactly, for all those hours when Crowley didn’t see them. “Just asking.”

“I’m very happy that you called. It’s very nice to hear from you. Nothing’s wrong, is it?”

Crowley took a deep breath. “I miss you.”

“Oh, my poor dear!”

“But, uh, I can’t talk long.”

“Whyever not?”

“I can’t. Angel sees you’re talking to me. Sees he’s being left out.” Crowley was thankful that the other one didn’t hear him say this. It made it easier to say. “I don’t like it.”

“Oh, that’s very sweet of you, Crowley. Say no more, I understand completely. I know how much you love him. You hate to keep anything from him.”

“I hate to have it rubbed it in his face,” Crowley groaned. “Damn it, everything that’s happening is so weird. Wait.” He sat up. “Did Angel hear you say that?”

“Yes.”

A prickly web of anxiety ran through Crowley’s body. This had been a very bad idea. “Does he… Does he look upset?”

“No. Do you want me to ask him?”’

“No! Just… Let’s talk about something else.”

“What would you like to talk about?”

“I dunno,” Crowley said.

“Why don’t you tell me how you are doing?”

Well, that was an interesting change of pace, if anything. Crowley thought about it. “I’m fine, I guess.”

The voice on the other line was tantalizingly gentle. “I would have thought you’d be feeling more complicated emotions than that.”

“Okay, yeah, you got me.” Crowley snorted. “You’re gonna be here in a few hours, and we’re gonna make out again, and Angel is gonna be around for it, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to fucking do.”

“Oh, dear. I’m sorry to hear you’re so upset about that. Which part of that bothers you? It’s not the kissing, is it?”

It was awful knowing that the other Aziraphale was listening to every word from Dark Aziraphale. Crowley tried not to think about it. “The kissing is bloody fantastic, Aziraphale,” he said. “The problem, it’s… it’s about Angel!”

“What about him? The kissing doesn’t bother him.”

It was like they were talking two different languages. “What? It has to bother him! There’s no way it couldn’t bother him. Me kissing you in front of him. How is that not the worst? How is that not the cruelest thing I can do to him?”

“It’s certainly not. He’s—”

“Shut up,” Crowley said quickly. “Stop. Sorry, but you're gonna say something, and then Angel will hear you, and that will be bad.”

“Then what would you like me to do, my dear?”

“Use some other names. Pretend we’re talking about cars, or something.”

There was a pause while Dark Aziraphale considered it. “How about ducks?”

Crowley gave a short laugh. “Sure. Fine. Pretend to talk about ducks.”

“All right.” Dark Aziraphale paused again. When he spoke, it was with extreme care. “You know the ducks in the park that I like to feed sometimes? You and I see them, we both like them, we both like being around them. However, you don’t feel like feeding them. You’re always around when I feed the ducks, and you like to see them fed, but you don’t feed the ducks yourself. Do you understand?”

Crowley nodded to himself. “The ducks mean me, right? And the me in this story is really Angel? And the food is kissing?”

“The food signifies many things, but yes.”

“Okay. I think I got it. Good metaphor. Keep going.”

“Right. It doesn’t matter that only one of us is feeding the ducks. The ducks get their food, and we are both happy to see that the ducks are happy. We both care very much about the ducks. Unfortunately, as much as you would like to feed them yourself, a lot of people will be very cross with you if you do so. They told you that feeding the ducks was a very bad, very depraved thing to do. Being a good person is very important to you. And what if the ducks don’t like the way you feed them? It is much safer to not find out. Yet I am free to feed the ducks. You’ve always wanted the ducks to be fed, so you are overjoyed to see them finally satisfied. It’s even better than that, because you can feed the ducks vicariously through me. You remain good, and you also get to enjoy feeding the ducks, in a way. It’s a very, very good circumstance for you. Does that sound cruel?”

Crowley didn’t reply, at first. It was a lot to process. If Dark Aziraphale was right, then Bright Aziraphale was far from annoyed by their romantic behaviour. It was the opposite. He was enjoying it. Immensely, or so Dark Aziraphale was implying. The more Crowley thought about it, though, the more he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He asked, “Did the duck thing work? Did he buy it?”

The line went silent for an upsettingly long moment. “No,” Dark Azirpahale said. “Um. I don’t believe it worked. I… um… might have upset him. A lot.”

Crowley slammed a fist into the sofa. “Ah, fuck!” he shouted. “Tell him it’s fine. Everything is fine. Tell him I’ll sort it out when you two get here. Get here soon, if you can.”

“We can be there in three-quarters of an hour,” Dark Aziraphale offered.

“It’s forty-five minutes, Aziraphale. Get with the times. Okay. Love you. Bye.” Crowley immediately ended the call. He held his mobile to his chest, and covered his face with a splayed palm. 

He had forty-five minutes to come up with a plan.

* * *

Crowley was pacing around his flat when an ominous chime resounded from his door. He took one last look into his hallway mirror, glared at himself in his yellow snake-eyes, and told himself that everything would be fine and not to screw it up. Then he played it cool. “Door’s open,” he called out.

The door creaked, and Dark Aziraphale’s curly-horned, flower-crowned head popped in. “Ah, Crowley,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure that I can come in.”

“Why not?”

“Well, as you know, if I am too far away from Angel, I will lose consciousness, and I’m not sure that he wants to come in.”

“Angel!” Crowley shouted heatedly. “You have until the count of ten to get your celestial arse in here, or so help me, I am dragging you in here by your ear!”

Dark Aziraphale glanced behind himself. Then, he opened the door fully and led the way inside.

Bright Aziraphale was a wreck. He was fidgeting, scratching his neck, and altogether avoiding Crowley.

Crowley, however, wasted no time. He was very direct with Bright Aziraphale. With no care for personal space, he came right up to him. “Angel, we’ve gotta talk.”

The closeness agitated Bright Aziraphale even further. “I was of the understanding that Aziraphale already told you everything,” he quipped in an unfriendly, unpleasant manner. “There’s hardly anything more that I can add.”

“Not even gonna deny it?” Crowley said crisply. He didn’t want Bright Aziraphale to notice, but Crowley was really probing the waters, trying to verify the information he had.

“It would be foolish of me to deny anything, not as long as you have my double to keep you perfectly informed.”

“It’s a good thing I do, because you sure won’t tell me anything. Where’s the book?”

“I didn’t bring a book.”

“Then what else are you going to pretend to do,” Crowley asked calmly, “while what you’re really doing is listening to me moan your name and beg for more?”

Bright Aziraphale, mortified and looking incredibly miserable, opened his lips to speak, but Crowley wasn’t done.

“Oh, wait, that’s right,” Crowley said, snapping his fingers dramatically. “That won’t work this time, since I know what you’re doing. I guess that means you can forget about the book and just sit there and enjoy it properly, like you should have been doing from the bloody start.”

That unexpected ending took the steam out of the angel’s defences. Bright Aziraphale’s face went through several different contortions of afraid and confused. “What?”

Crowley walked forward, making Bright Aziraphale backpedal, until Crowley had him against the wall. “You know, if you love being an angel so damn much, then that’s your choice. I don’t blame you for it. I get that you wanna be good. Angels are supposed to be the good guys, right? Nothing better than being an angel. I can’t compete with that. If you think that getting too close to a vile demon like me means you won’t be an angel anymore—that you won’t be good anymore—then I guess I can’t do one bloody thing about that.”

Bright Aziraphale watched him with wide, remorseful eyes.

Crowley slammed one arm above Bright Aziraphale’s head, and leaned in very close. “But I won’t stop loving you, either,” he whispered fiercely. “Even though you were afraid of getting near me, you were good to me. Too good. And I was supposed to be your enemy! We were enemies, once. But that never stopped you from being nice to me. You talked to me. You did things with me. You covered me with your wing. You were an idiot a lot, but when all was said and done, you never let me down. The world gets real ugly sometimes, but you never did. You were pretty, and sweet, and caring. So damn caring. It felt so good just to run into you. And now, I’m in love with you, and it’s your fault because you are so damn lovable.”

“Oh, Crowley.” Bright Aziraphale was deeply moved, and very sad.

“You can leave, by the way, if that’s what you want to do. The other you and I can talk on the phone, or whatever. You don’t have to stay. But you’re not gonna leave. You’re gonna sit and watch while Aziraphale and I have fun. You’ll be welcome to join, you know, but you won’t. It doesn’t matter. You won’t have to join. I’ll be so loud for you, and you’ll love it. I want you to enjoy every minute of it, even if you won’t get close to me, because I’m only happy when you are. You’re precious to me. I want to be the one who makes you happy.” Crowley, finding his normal, gentle self again, stepped back. “Even if you’re too scared to do the same for me.”

A condemned building ripped into rubble by a bulldozer would have been less devastated than Bright Aziraphale appeared to be.

Ignoring the cathartic emotions that were rushing through his body, Crowley shifted his focus to the other Aziraphale. “You’re the same as him,” Crowley said, “but you gave up being an angel. You lost everything.”

Dark Aziraphale seemed a little sad, too. “I didn’t lose you.”

“That’s right,” Crowley said. He pulled Dark Aziraphale’s body to his own, and kissed him passionately. The lips that met his were responsive, and the contact was wonderfully warm and inviting.

The kiss was made short, however, when Dark Aziraphale pulled back. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “that I didn’t make you happy, Crowley. For so long. I shouldn’t have stayed so far away from you.”

“Actually, you did make me happy.”

“But you just said to him—?”

“You made me as happy as you knew how to. You were always good to me. Nobody warned you that I’m an insatiable, greedy bastard who doesn’t give a shit about virtue or sin or anything. You made me the happiest demon on the planet, you know. But I wanted more. I want everything from you.” 

“I did make you happy, then?” 

“Yeah. Sorry if I laid that one on a bit too thick, Angel,” Crowley said, in the direction of the other Aziraphale, who was still crumpled against the wall. “I didn’t mean you never made me happy. But, to be fair, you are kinda a tease. It’s pretty frustrating, honestly.”

Bright Aziraphale stared back incredulously. “What…?“

“You’re wrong about one thing, though, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said.

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

Dark Aziraphale smiled softly. “You’re not the happiest demon on the planet anymore.”

“Come here,” Crowley said, and he kissed Dark Aziraphale again. This kiss was far more satisfying than the previous one. Plus, Crowley went the extra mile to make the kiss as obscene and showy as possible, without losing its tenderness. It was easy to do, when he thought about exactly who was in front of him. Dark Aziraphale, true to his promise to keep up with Crowley, didn’t back down, and they pressed against one another as perfectly as puzzle pieces. Crowley clutched the back of a coat, and felt his shoulders being gripped. Crowley moaned indecently with the depth of his desire to share his body with this version of the angel that he cared so much about.

The adorable Aziraphale in his grasp whimpered. He pulled back. “Ah, Crowley…”

“You like it when I’m loud, too, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Dark Aziraphale laboured to say. “Yes, very much.”

Leisurely, Crowley looked over at the wall by the door.

Bright Aziraphale was collapsed on the floor, gazing back at them, transfixed. 

That was exactly what Crowley had wanted to see. His hastily-concocted plan had gone splendidly well. Crowley sent him a friendly, playful smirk. “Looks like things are working out nicely. I think this setup will fit the three of us beautifully, don’t you?”

“I think I was right to be wary of you, Crowley!” Bright Aziraphale retorted breathlessly. It lacked any real animosity. “You’re insane!”

“I’m just making the best of things,” Crowley said humbly, in the style of one too modest to accept a compliment.

* * *

Now that everyone’s feelings were out in the open, Crowley and Dark Aziraphale were rarely apart. The self-restraint that Crowley had employed around Bright Aziraphale had been firmly balled up and thrown out the window. When they took a walk to the park, Crowley and Dark Aziraphale held hands. There were constant kisses and snuggling on the couch, even when they watched something on the television with Bright Aziraphale. 

From what Crowley could tell, Bright Aziraphale was happy with how things were. He hadn’t quite come to terms with his abject voyeurism—and that’s absolutely what it was—but it wasn’t a problem. Crowley immediately figured out the trick behind not letting Bright Aziraphale feel left out, even if they never touched.

The trick was to talk to him.

It was a stupendous win-win for Crowley. He got to grope Dark Aziraphale, and make conversation with Bright Aziraphale at the same time. The best part was that it made Bright Aziraphale immensely flustered.

The sixth day was the first day when they made love. Well, it was a little more complicated than that.

Crowley was happily making out with Dark Aziraphale on the couch for the umpteenth time. “Hey, Angel,” Crowley murmured, in between mouthfuls of kissing.

“Yes?” Bright Aziraphale answered, and as always, he was embarrassed. He had no way of knowing why Crowley insisted on talking to him whenever he made out with Dark Aziraphale. Bright Aziraphale had probably expected that Crowley would forget about his presence entirely. If so, he’d been very wrong about that.

“When you first saw me, did you think I was handsome? As a snake.”

“What?” Bright Aziraphale crossed his arms and legs on his solitary seat. “That’s very arrogant of you to ask.”

Crowley chuckled darkly. “Hey, Aziraphale.”

The answering love in Dark Aziraphale’s tempered features was a suitable answer all its own.

“Villains, both of you!” Bright Aziraphale sputtered. “Fine, yes! You looked very nice. I’ll have you know that everything in the Garden looked nice.” He groaned to himself. “But yes, Crowley,” he said, “you looked very nice.”

Crowley hummed. “I thought the humans were weird-looking.”

Bright Aziraphale gasped. “How can you say that?” There was astonishment—even fright—in his voice. “My dear, they were made in Her image!”

Crowley wondered if the angel was actually afraid that he would be struck down for his impious comments. “I mean when they had sex,” he said. “It looked freaky. All the animals ate and slept and everything, but only the humans went at it like they were the animals. They did it a lot, too. I know you saw it, too. I saw you looking at them.”

Bright Aziraphale didn’t answer. That much was to be expected.

But the other one had other ideas. “Can I tell him?” Dark Aziraphale asked his counterpart.

The angel lit up with an almost pleasant surprise. “You’re… asking me?”

“If I can deduce what point Crowley is headed towards, then I know you can, too. He deserves to know the, um, the truth of things from our end.”

“Then why don’t you tell him? You’ve never asked my permission before.”

“This one’s rather private.”

“They are all private!”

“I wouldn’t have said those things, if you didn’t wish for me to say them.”

“I didn’t!”

“Oh yes, you did.”

Bright Aziraphale scoffed in embarrassment. “Why, listen to yourself. You sound just like Crowley!”

“Ah. Oh dear.” Suddenly conscious of himself, Dark Aziraphale looked apologetically at Crowley. Crowley wasn’t quite sure what it was all about. “I suppose I do. Crowley…” But Bright Aziraphale paused. “Crowley? Is something the matter?” 

Crowley was caught up in the dreaminess of the whole situation. By now, the kissing had come to an indefinite pause. He and Dark Aziraphale remained half-wrapped in each other’s arms, but they were both still. “It’s fascinating as fuck,” Crowley said lazily. “When you two have a row like that. Never thought I’d hear you argue with yourself.”

That light remark hit Bright Aziraphale unusually heavily. He simpered bashfully. “My dear. That’s nothing new.”

That was not exactly comforting to hear. The prospect, however, immediately put a suddenly large and portentous thought into Crowley’s head. What if Aziraphale argued with himself a lot? Had he always been like two people, in his mind? Perhaps Aziraphale was like two people who agreed on almost everything except on the matters of Heaven and Crowley.

“You will tell him eventually,” Bright Aziraphale said reluctantly. “He’ll get the truth out of you somehow. You might as well get it over with.”

“I would much prefer to have your approval first.”

“It is hardly my place to disapprove. It would be immoral of me to interfere.”

“Don’t be silly! You’re as much a part of this as I am.”

“It should be very clear from our present positions that I am far from being a part of this.”

“Why not tell him?” Dark Aziraphale snapped. “Afraid of being discovered? Of rejection? Of Falling? They’re just words. They hardly amount to anything dangerous.”

“There’s always a danger,” Bright Aziraphale replied with equal fury. “You’re being reckless.”

“You’re being cowardly.”

“I’m being sensible. When you tell Crowley what kind of thoughts we had in the Garden, and he laughs at you for them, then you can let me know how that worked out for you.”

“That’s not what’s going to happen!” Dark Aziraphale groaned in frustration. “You’re an idiot. Goodness, I had no idea that I could be so difficult! Oh.” He stopped. “Why,” he looked apologetically at Crowley again, “is this how you feel, when you and I quarrel? It’s awful.”

It was only natural that Crowley wasn’t as fast to reply as he normally was. Over and over, the image of a split-mind Aziraphale flashed in his head. 

“Perhaps it would be better if we had this discussion in private,” Bright Aziraphale said in an aloof, clipped tone. “As much as I’m sure Crowley is getting a great kick out of this.”

Dark Aziraphale fought back, “Do you really think so little of him?”

The comeback actually unnerved Bright Aziraphale. “No,” he said, haltingly. “No, of course not.”

“He has only been kind to us. He’s been understanding and supportive from the start. He’s a good person—I don’t care what he says. Why do you talk about him as if he were someone cruel?”

“I… I…” Then, Bright Aziraphale screamed, “I’m not going to answer that here! He’s right there!”

The force of those words knocked Dark Aziraphale into sympathetic silence.

This required immediate action. Crowley let go of Dark Aziraphale and stood up. “Gotta think,” he muttered.

Quietly, and with some apprehension, the Aziraphales watched him.

Crowley dragged his feet as he touched various objects in his living room and examined them. The thinly-screened television, an abstract painting, the thermostat. It was a metaphor for what was happening in his brain. The sights and sounds of previous dinners shared with Aziraphale scrolled in front of him, and in each one, he saw both Aziraphales. It was Dark Aziraphale who accepted his invitation to come to his flat. It was Bright Aziraphale who thanked him for his generosity, and returned to his bookshop. Dark Aziraphale had given him the holy water. Bright Aziraphale had stepped out of his car afterwards. There had been a war inside of Aziraphale, a war which had continued even after Aziraphale and Crowley finally put an end to the war between each other.

It was still up in the air how the cloning had come about, but Crowley was certain about one thing. He would bring an end to that war. He would cram his love into every corner of Aziraphale’s doubts until there was no room left for them.

At last, Crowley came to the ending fadeout of his mental film. He turned to both of them. “I was going to say that, in the Garden, I thought about having sex with you.”

Neither Aziraphale pretended to be anything but stupefied.

“It would have been impossible not to think about it. There wasn’t a terrible lot to think about, and what with the humans going bonkers over it, so naturally I got to thinking about it. You were the only one around who was like me. You were pretty, and polite, and all. A little stiff, maybe, but I didn’t blame you for that. It seemed like having sex with you would be a good way to get a proper friendship going, break the ice a bit. We’d have some fun, and I’d get to know you better. I thought it would be a great way to get to talk some more, too. It never came up, though. Figures. It’s not really something that happens between two blokes who are supposed to be enemies.”

The reception from the Aziraphales, which Crowley watched like a hawk, was one of great interest and a sort of bittersweet nostalgia. “We thought about it, too,” Dark Aziraphale said softly, and Bright Aziraphale didn’t deny it.

“That’s not how I think about it anymore, though,” Crowley said. “I hung out with the humans, and learnt that I had it backwards. Sex was actually the big thing that comes at the end. The fun of the thing was the whole reason a lot of them coupled up, but sometimes it was different. Sometimes, they only did it with someone who meant a whole lot to them. Like they were taking care of each other, I guess. Doing the thing where they get real close and make each other happy. They gave it nice names, too. Here, they call it making love. I like that view of it. So, for thousands of years, that’s how I’ve looked at it.”

Warm acceptance bloomed in Dark Aziraphale’s affectionate face. Any love in Bright Aziraphale’s face was smothered under an agonised swamp of turmoil.

Swallowing down the thick heart in his throat, Crowley asked, “You guys wanna make love? I'll make it really good for you.”

“Yes!” Dark Aziraphale leapt to his feet, unstoppable love shining through the dark veneer that always cloaked him. “That would be so lovely.”

A darkness fell over Bright Aziraphale, however. “That’s asking a lot, Crowley,” he forced himself to say.

“It’s asking for less than you think,” Crowley said, slowly.

“What?” Bright Aziraphale hesitated. “What do you mean?”

“What I mean is, you seemed okay with sitting back and watching, just now. So there’s something safe about that, isn’t there?”

Aziraphale, clever though he was, was prone to moments of extraordinary denseness. It took far too many seconds for Bright Aziraphale to get the gist of the incredibly obvious thing that Crowley was implying. 

This would have been very amusing, if Crowley was in the mood to be amused. At the moment, Crowley was holding his breath, waiting to see if anything would happen.

Something happened. Bright Aziraphale gave his best scandalised gasp of all time. “What?”

Crowley held out his hands in a reassuring manner. “Don’t worry, I got it all figured out,” he said, growing abruptly eager as he let his intense enthusiasm show. “I’ll bring a chair for you to sit on, or something. You don’t have to bring a book and pretend not to care. You can watch us from a distance like you’ve been doing. Aziraphale and I can do it under the sheets, if that makes it easier. I’ve got a bed with sheets and everything. But the lights will stay on, so you can see my face. Trust me, it’ll be great.”

Bright Aziraphale buried his miserable face in his hands. “Oh dear, oh dear…”

“No, trust me, it’s good, it’ll work,” Crowley said. “You’ll finally see how harmless the whole thing is. You’ll see there’s nothing to be scared of. There’ll be nothing sinful or bad or whatever about it. You’ll see that it’s nothing but good, and then you’ll finally have to admit that you were bloody wrong about everything. Genius, right?”

Bright Aziraphale shook his head in his lap. He groaned, “You say it so easily, like you’re persuading an audience at a board meeting.“

“Oh, no.” Crowley smirked. “I was never this excited in any board meeting. Not even when the one about the M25. And I was awfully proud of that one.”

“I think this is a great idea,” Dark Aziraphale declared. He was in high spirits. “I would be very pleased to make love to you!”

Crowley, despite everything, was startled by those words. It felt otherworldly to hear such a bold, desirous thing from his dearest friend. “Eh?” There was something else startling about those words, too. “That’s not exactly how I said it,” he said. Truth be told, though, he was aware that he was smiling like the selfish bastard he was.

“Oh, dear me,” Dark Aziraphale replied daintily, and it was too adorable. “I’m sorry if I’m being too presumptuous. I was hoping that I could take the leading role, physically speaking. You see, I grew acquainted with some of the details of the act by what I was told by my fellows. That is, in those fancy clubs that I used to be a member of. I was given to understand that it’s a very effective way of giving pleasure to one’s beloved. It’s a little fantasy of mine to give you pleasure in such a way, my dear. Oh!” He covered his mouth. “Oh! I’m sorry! My mistake. I’m getting carried away. I suppose I’m not being considerate enough to Angel when I say those things. I’m very sorry.”

Quick as lightning, Bright Aziraphale raised his head and shouted at Crowley, “Crowley!” There was a blazing, terrified ferocity about him that could have smote lesser demons. “If you stop being friends me with after this,” he cried, “I will never forgive you!”

Crowley transitioned through a phase of thrilled shock, into delighted smugness, into pure laughter. “That’s not gonna happen, Angel.”

“Show me, then! Prove it! Prove to me that nothing bad will come of this!” Now it was becoming clear that Bright Aziraphale’s turbulent fury was a cover for his other, more shameful emotions. “Take him to bed! Have sex with him. Undoubtedly you’ll be wrong. It will be horribly ungodly and sinful, and I will enjoy watching it extremely, and then I will probably cease to be an angel once and for all! And then we’ll see who was right!”

The laughing stopped. “Uh, really?” Crowley asked gently. “You mean it? You’ll give this a shot?”

“Yes!” Bright Aziraphale said, his fury dying down. “Yes. Fine.” Then he crossed his arms. “After dinner. Like civilised people. We aren’t animals, you know.”

* * *

Dinner that night was unexpectedly interesting.

Crowley thought the whole sex-after-dinner thing was ridiculous, but if that was a step that Bright Aziraphale needed, then it was one that Crowley would throw himself at without thinking twice.

Crowley wanted to stay in, but they ended up going out for dinner. Bright Aziraphale was adamant that they go somewhere nice, and Dark Aziraphale, swooning at the romance of the suggestion, sided with him. That didn’t leave Crowley any room for debate. So, giving in, he told them that it looked like a table had just opened up at the Ritz. The twin gazes of immense gratitude that he received were overwhelming to him.

Normally, people paid attention to the remarkable-looking Aziraphales wherever they went, but not tonight. Crowley willed it so that no one bothered them, not even the known waiters at the Ritz. Tonight, the Aziraphales were all his.

They sat at their normal round table, but on the wrong sides of it, so that their two typical seats were unoccupied. This meant that Crowley had Bright Aziraphale to his left, and Dark Aziraphale to his right. It was odd. The proximity was welcome, but he couldn’t look at both of them at the same time.

Dinner started out friendly and innocent. Dark Aziraphale got the conversation going by discussing recent characters at the bookshop, and Bright Aziraphale easily joined in. It was very enjoyable, and Crowley did his best to soak in the good atmosphere and not imagine what finally making love with Dark Aziraphale was going to be like. He wanted this dinner to be as comfortable and familiar for everyone as possible. It didn’t annoy anyone that Dark Aziraphale occasionally held Crowley’s hand. If anything, it put a small, relieved smile on Bright Aziraphale’s face, and that warmed Crowley’s heart so much that he actually did forget about their plans for later that night.

Except, near the end of the meal, Dark Aziraphale accidentally threw a spanner into the works. “I just remembered,” Dark Aziraphale said. “There’s supposed to be some kind of preparation that goes with two people making love. We’ll need to pick up supplies on the way home!”

Bright Aziraphale frowned.

Crowley laughed spontaneously. It was hardly adequate dinner conversation, but this was absolutely priceless.

“Don’t be so naive,” Bright Aziraphale said sternly.

“Naive?” Bright Aziraphale touched his chest. “Me?”

“Yes, naive. It’s absurd to suppose that Crowley won’t have all those preparations handled already.”

Crowley stopped mid-laughter. He hadn’t expected Bright Aziraphale to respond in quite that way. It surprised and confused Crowley quite a bit.

“Of course, I know he can make them appear,” Dark Aziraphale said. “But supplies like those hardly seem worth the trouble of a miracle.”

“He probably has everything he will need somewhere at home already,” Bright Aziraphale said. “There’ll be no need to make anything appear.”

“But how can that be? We just decided on making love less than an hour ago.” 

“Oh, grow up. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s needed them.”

A fist came crashing down on the table, shaking the plates and silverware. Crowley turned his dark, menacing glasses towards Bright Aziraphale.

The effect was immediate. Bright Aziraphale was petrified. 

Dark Aziraphale wisely kept his mouth shut.

“That stung,” Crowley muttered. He let the hurt drip in his voice.

“I… I, um… You misunderstand!” Bright Aziraphale hurried to say. “I didn’t mean any insult by it! I’m not being judgemental! I’m being sensible, my dear, you see?”

“No. I don’t see. Maybe you should explain.”

“Ah! Yes, well! Please, I didn't mean to offend you. It’s not what you think. I’m not so ignorant as to believe you don’t have relations with humans. It’s been six thousand years, after all! I know what a curious creature you can be, and how freely you mingle with humans. That doesn’t mean I look down on you for it. Your past is your own. It’s none of my business. It’s perfectly all right with me, I assure you.“

“And you’ve never mingled that way, huh?”

“What? Goodness, no! I could never! What kind of angel would that make me? Fornicating with humans? Me?”

“That’s a very ugly word you just used.”

Bright Aziraphale’s lips retreated into his mouth.

Crowley turned away from him, towards Dark Aziraphale. “What about you? You think the same?”

“Oh! Um.” Dark Aziraphale was not particularly grateful to have the same menacing treatment applied to himself. He tried not to commit one way or the other. “Well, I suppose it is terribly naive of me to think otherwise…”

“He’s right, you know,” Crowley said lowly. “I did get to know humans. In the Biblical sense.”

“Stop! You don’t have to tell me.” Dark Aziraphale raised a trembling hand. “Please. That’s perfectly all right! Your business is your own.”

“It was like getting drunk.” Crowley leaned closer to him. “It’d feel pretty fucking good, for a little while, actually, but bloody horrible afterwards. I’d feel alone and awful and empty. Nobody I hooked up with ever cared about me. None of them was half as sweet to me as you. It was even worse than a hangover, too, because I couldn’t magic the feeling away. It was a hole that I could never fill.”

“Oh,” Dark Aziraphale cried, “my dear Crowley! I’m so sorry! You don’t have to feel that way anymore.” He reached out to Crowley and pulled him in for a loving, passionate kiss.

Crowley melted submissively with a small moan into the unexpected kiss. He was so grateful to be here. It felt too good to be this close to his sweet Aziraphale, after so long.

Dark Aziraphale kissed him on his lips, and on his chin, and on his forehead, and by his eyes. “I love you, Crowley,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful and wonderful, and you mean everything to me. I’m so glad to be with you. You don’t have to be lonely anymore. I’m going to fill that hole of yours.”

For a second, Crowley’s brow knitted. Was that supposed to be an innuendo? No, Crowley didn’t think so. No version of Aziraphale could be so subtle as that. “Nah, don’t worry about that. It’s already filled, Aziraphale,” Crowley said. “It’s been full for a while now.”

Dark Aziraphale beamed. “I can’t begin to tell you how happy that makes me. But…” Something in his demeanour shifted. “Come to think of it… Well, pardon me, but isn’t there a different hole of yours that I haven’t filled yet?”

Crowley choked on his laughter. “Well, shit,” he murmured in cheerful disbelief to himself. These crazy Aziraphales were going to be the death of him.

Thankfully, Dark Aziraphale took that reaction as an encouragement. “You’ve been waiting for that from me for so long,” he said. “Haven’t you?”

“For forever,” Crowley agreed hoarsely.

“I won’t make you wait much longer. I don’t want to make you wait anymore. I won’t make you wait. I won’t tease you. As soon as we are at home and in your bed, I will undress us. I’ll fill your body up with mine as much as you like, for as long as you like.” Even as he spoke so suggestively, his loving smile was preposterously sweet and innocent. “I’ll give you whatever makes you happiest. I’ll make you feel divine. I’ll put all my love into you. I’ll take very good care of you.”

“Aziraphale, please, you gotta have mercy on me.” Crowley’s tight trousers were threatening to become dangerously tight. This was hardly the time and place for this. He’d waited this long. He could wait the few minutes that stood between now and the time they were home. He would dig deep and find the strength to hold out for just a few minutes.

Somewhat dramatically, Bright Aziraphale stood up from the table. “This won’t do! I can’t take it!”

Crowley and Dark Aziraphale, both confused, regarded him.

Bright Aziraphale threw out his finger in the direction of the back of the restaurant. “Aziraphale, the loo! Now!” he declared.

Dark Aziraphale grimaced. “Um, what about the loo?”

“Listen. It’s very simple!” Bright Aziraphale groaned, as if he were very irritated. He rubbed the skin between his eyebrows. “Just, bring Crowley to the loo and have sex with him there. I am feeling very guilty right now for having caused him this delay, and for hurting his feelings. I would very much like not to feel this guilt anymore, thank you!”

Crowley’s jaw dropped. He was without words. These fucking crazy Aziraphales. 

“But I’ll lose consciousness if we separate,” Dark Aziraphale said level-headedly, as if Bright Aziraphale’s suggestion wasn’t completely insane. “I can’t leave you.”

“Of course I’m coming with you! I’ll be right behind you. I’ll make sure no one else comes in.”

“You will? That is very kind of you. I appreciate that.”

“Never mind me! Get a move on, already. We made him wait long enough, don’t you think?”

Dark Aziraphale seemed to think this was a sound argument. “All right.” He asked Crowley, “Crowley, excuse me, I know this isn’t what we planned on doing tonight, but do you want to—?”

“Yes,” Crowley rasped.

* * *

In the restroom, there was a queue of several open stalls. Dark Aziraphale ushered Crowley into the handicapped stall, and slid the lock of the swinging door closed behind him. Before Crowley could gather his wits, Dark Aziraphale was overwhelming him with kisses and touches, gently directing him backwards, until Crowley’s back was against the wall by the door.

“How do you want me?” Dark Aziraphale asked kindly. He gently removed the spectacles from Crowley’s face, and they vanished into his coat. “I’ll do anything you want.”

Crowley couldn’t think. He wanted to say everything, and ended up saying nothing. How was he supposed to choose from the long list of possibilities that was suddenly wide open to him?

“Excuse me, I hate to interrupt,” Bright Aziraphale said tentatively from the other side of the wall, “but I’m afraid we have a small hiccup.”

“What is it?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

“I don’t know why, but… it seems I don’t have enough power to convince the other patrons to stay away from here.”

“Is that right? Let me try.” Dark Aziraphale concentrated for a moment. Then his eyes widened. “Oh. Oh dear.” He was deeply concerned. “Why, I can’t do it, either.”

“I’ll do it,” Crowley gritted out. He snapped his fingers—not that he ever needed to snap his fingers to work his magic, but he liked to. “There. All done.”

“Crowley, aren’t you worried about this?” Dark Aziraphale said. “That’s such a small miracle to perform! If neither he nor I has the power to do something so small—”

“Later,” Crowley begged. “We’ll talk about it later.” He softly clutched the scruff of Dark Aziraphale’s shirt. “Please.” If the two Aziraphale clones were incapable of performing miracles, then that was a serious problem, and it was incredible that they were only realising this after six days. Yet Crowley was in no mood to care about it right now. 

Dark Aziraphale understood. “Yes, of course,” he said. “It can certainly wait.” 

Crowley nodded gratefully. From Crowley’s perspective, it really wasn’t a big deal if the Aziraphales didn’t have powers, anyway. Crowley had enough power for all three of them. He would do anything to protect all three of them.

Dark Aziraphale pressed forward and pressed his lips to Crowley’s jaw, and to his neck. “You haven’t told me yet, Crowley,” he said. “What do you want? Nothing you ask for will be too much or too little for me. I want to give you exactly what you’d like best.”

“You, in me,” Crowley panted out. “Please.”

“Oh, certainly. Anything for—Um, wait, no, hold on. I have to consider this.” Dark Aziraphale paused, and for a moment, he grew insufferably thoughtful. Crowley was about ready to pull his own hair out. “I’m sorry, but how are we going to do that in here? This ground looks very hard—”

Crowley took matters into his own hands. He dropped to the ground, down to his knees. His hands found purchase on Dark Aziraphale’s trousers. “You,” he pleaded. “In my mouth.”

Dark Aziraphale blinked. “Um… Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes, please, Aziraphale.” Crowley stared up at him, imploring him. His voice was stretched and weak. “Please.”

Dark eyes filled with tender softness looked back down at him. One of Dark Aziraphale’s soft hand came to rest on Crowley’s hair, rubbing soothing circles into the heated skin underneath. “Of course,” he said sweetly. “There’s no need for you to beg. Of course I’ll give that to you, if that’s what you’d like. Let me.” He let go, and focused on using both hands to undo his trousers.

Crowley was too greedy, though. He was too desperate for it. He took control of the task away from Dark Aziraphale’s hands, and opened the trousers on his own. He pulled them part of the way down Dark Aziraphale’s pale legs, leaving the crisp-white pants the only garment remaining at eye level. Crowley tore that piece down too without delay, and then he stared at the half-hard length that was free for taking in front of him. It jumped a little as he stared at it. 

“It’s… for you,” Dark Aziraphale murmured. He was trembling a little. “It’s... all yours.”

The rational part of Crowley’s brain knew that Dark Aziraphale had never done this before. This was going to be Dark Aziraphale’s first time. He was only pretending to be confident about it. He was being brave for Crowley, because he wanted Crowley to have what he wanted. The kindest thing to do for Dark Aziraphale would be to go slowly, so that he could adjust to the new sensations. So sayeth the rational part of Crowley’s brain.

The rest of Crowley’s brain was too busy being clouded by ravenous desire, and questions about what kind of Dark Aziraphale noises would make when Crowley had him his mouth, and how good it would feel to have him in his throat.

Crowley ultimately went at a pace that was somewhere in the middle. He took a firm hold of Dark’s Aziraphale’s bare hips, and stroked them possessively with his thumbs.

Dark Aziraphale shuddered. “Please, you don’t have to go s-so slowly,” he said. “Go ahead. Take me. I’ll be fine.”

But Crowley liked that reaction very much. The strokes of Crowley’s hands grew. He felt around Dark Aziraphale’s thighs, learning the curves of his body and luxuriating in its softness.

“Ah…” One of Dark Aziraphale’s palms shot forward to balance him against the wall in front of him.

Crowley dipped his head forward, and licked up along the thigh, from above the knee to the start of a bed of angelically white curls.

Dark Aziraphale’s other hand fell onto his hair again. “Crowley… Please, I know you want me. So please have me. I want you to have me.” 

The kind words stirred the hot lust inside of him. As much as Crowley longed to explore all of the pretty body in front of him, he didn’t have the patience to do it now, especially not while he was being encouraged to take whatever he wanted. He had wanted this for so long. He couldn’t wait any more. He licked his tongue along the hot length, slowly, relishing the freedom that he had to enjoy this first taste.

Dark Aziraphale winced. “C-Crowley,” he said, “stop holding back. You’re still holding back.”

But just as Crowley couldn’t go any slower, he couldn’t go any faster, either. If Aziraphale’s body was a temple, then Crowley was here to worship it at its steps. He had dreamed of this so many times. As his fingers curled into the plump softness of the skin somewhere behind, Crowley licked up and down the length and wondered how it would feel inside him.

Dark Aziraphale seemed to realise that rushing Crowley was a pointless effort. So he let him go at his own pace. “Ah… that feels… good…” His tone was mesmerized, and awestruck.

Crowley could have laughed. This wasn’t even close to anything good, yet. His beloved had no idea what feeling good meant. Crowley would show him. He made one last drag of his tongue across the length in front of him, and languidly and carefully brought about half of it into his mouth.

There was a pretty whimper above him. “Oh…”

It was even better than Crowley had ever imagined. Dark Aziraphale’s thickness felt so good inside of him. It was decadently warm and filling. He wanted more of it. He pulled his mouth up, and lowered it again, savouring the way that the body underneath shivered at the touch. It wasn’t enough. He wanted even more.

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale moaned deeply. “Oh dear. That feels so nice. Oh my goodness… Please, it’s all for you. It’s all yours. Take as much as you want. Use me however you wish. I want you to be happy.”

Crowley’s hungry, desirous heart soaked in every pleasured noise that escaped Dark Aziraphale. His mouth went down again, taking in even more, rubbing itself against even more skin. He was so lucky to have been given the chance to experience this.

“Oh goodness. You’re so beautiful like this, Crowley. You feel so lovely, goodness, you feel so good… Does this feel good to you? Are you taking as much as you want?”

Crowley groaned in the very enthusiastic affirmative around the length in his mouth.

“Ah…” Dark Aziraphale’s hips jerked underneath Crowley’s hands. “Crowley… Can I…?” He stuttered around a moan. “I-Is it all right with you if I move?” 

The mere mental image of Dark Aziraphale making love to his mouth turned Crowley’s insides to blissful jelly. He popped his mouth free, and let his head fall back against the unyielding wall behind him. “Please,” he begged. “Please.”

This time, Dark Aziraphale didn’t hesitate. He clearly was a little nervous, but it didn’t seem to matter too much. He held onto Crowley’s head, angled himself, and made an experimental push forward into Crowley’s mouth.

It was like Crowley was being lovingly caressed from the inside. The whimper that escaped him was rich with need and desire. 

“Ah, it’s all right, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale reassured him sweetly. “I understand. I’ll take care of you.” With an ease that was slowly increasing, Dark Aziraphale rocked his lower body into Crowley’s face. His pace matched the pace that Crowley had used on him. “Ah, you feel so good. Leave it to me,” he half-said, half-moaned. “Please, just lie back and enjoy it. I’ll be very careful. I only want to give you exactly what you want. I love you, Crowley. Leave everything to me.”

Crowley was very grateful. He closed his eyes, and lost himself in the feeling of being so well loved. His hands clutched the bottom of the restroom stall wall behind him. He was rapturously happy.

“That’s it, Crowley, just like that. You’re not alone anymore. I’m so glad I could make you feel this happy. You look so peaceful like this. I want to make you feel this way all the time. That’s why I’m here, my dear. I’m here for you, my dearest friend, my constant companion. I’m here to love you and care for you.”

This wasn’t enough. Crowley still needed more. he made a begging noise in his throat. He relaxed his face as much as he could, using his body to convey his desire for Dark Aziraphale to use him even more fully. 

After a second or two, the message was accepted. The speed and depth with which Dark Aziraphale moved into his mouth increased. “Please let me know if this is too much,” Dark Aziraphale said, “I’m still new at this,” and of course he would say something so considerate. Dark Aziraphale cared so much about him.

The thickness in Crowley’s mouth absorbed all of his attention. He treasured each careful, affectionate thrust with his entire soul. He was deeply gratified to have the privilege of gratifying his dearest friend like this. He’d never been so sure that Aziraphale was thoroughly enjoying his company before. He wondered if Aziraphale had enjoyed his company through the years nearly as much as Crowley had enjoyed Aziraphale’s.

Despite his inexpertise, every movement from Dark Aziraphale was smooth and loving. “You’re so good to me, Crowley. I want to be good to you. I’ll do anything to be good to you. Do you want me to tell you how good you feel, right now? That’s what you’d like, isn’t it? Then I will tell you. You are so very pleasant,” he moaned with satisfaction. “Ah, you are so marvellous. You are wonderful. I love the feeling of being inside you. You feel so perfect, so warm, so—” The rush of tremendously comforting words was cut off suddenly.

Vaguely curious as to why, Crowley was about to open his eyes to look up—but then his other senses registered first, and he became aware of the reason.

There was a hand on top of one of Crowley’s, under the restroom stall’s wall. Crowley’s hand had been taken off the wall, so that both sets of fingers were intertwined with one another. The hand was shaking, not unlike the nervous engine of a car, but the grip was nonetheless firm and unbreaking.

Crowley knew who it was who was holding his hand. The knowledge threatened to tear through his overwrought heart. For a moment, there was a familiar, telling flash of pain in the corner of Crowley’s eyes. Before he knew what was happening, tears were welling behind the lids of his eyes. 

“You’re not alone, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said, from the other side of the stall’s barrier. His voice was subdued, and thick. He must have already been crying for some time. “You have both of us.”

Crowley’s eyelids parted just enough to let his own tears stream down. He answered the grip in his hand with an equally fierce grasp. He was determined not to let him go.

Bright Aziraphale didn’t say anything else. Nor did he let go, either.

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said, and judging by his voice, he was very nearly gone. “Are you happy?”

All Crowley could do was whimper from the bottom of his soul. As if Dark Aziraphale had to ask? Crowley finally had everything he’d ever wanted.

“That’s… ah, great.” Dark Aziraphale’s movements stuttered. “Um… Ah, I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can last… much longer. Do you want me to…?”

Crowley wanted it terribly. He met Dark Aziraphale’s thrusts with clever swipes of his tongue, moving his tongue along the length and head of the thickness inside his mouth.

The touch caught Dark Aziraphale by complete surprise, and that bit of surprise was all it took to finish him. He groaned brokenly and shuddered. 

Crowley swallowed around him with a shameless moan. The feel of Dark Aziraphale’s release in his mouth was pure ecstasy. He felt so cherished, so desired. He could feel the spasms of Dark Aziraphale’s body travel through his own. The physical connection between their bodies was heart-wrenchingly intimate. Any taste of Dark Aziraphale’s release that Crowley didn’t swallow was easily miracled away. 

Dark Aziraphale was slow to remove himself. When he did, Crowley stayed where he was, his mind empty and his heart full. His own body was throbbing wildly with arousal, but he didn’t want to open his eyes and discover that this had all been a glorious dream. He stayed kneeling on the floor. The hand folded in his remained where it was, and he didn’t want to move away from it. He was so happy here. There was no reason to ever be anywhere else.

“Crowley?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

That kind voice was so gentle and familiar. Crowley was drawn to it. He opened his eyes.

A very satisfied-looking Dark Aziraphale was now kneeling beside him. He had redressed himself. He seemed somewhat exhausted, but eager to still be of service. “Can I touch you?” he asked.

“Yes. Please.”

For a moment, Dark Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s free hand, so that each of Crowley’s hands had a fistful of Aziraphale. Then Dark Aziraphale went about opening up Crowley’s painfully tight trousers.

Crowley looked down at the hand that remained on top of his. “Hey, Angel,” he said softly.

“... Yes?” Bright Aziraphale said, from the other side.

“Why don’t you come in here?” Crowley missed seeing him. “You can watch.”

Bright Aziraphale cleared his throat. “Um, no, thank you.”

That was no fun. Crowley whined petulantly. “Come on. Why not? You like watching and listening.”

“I can hear plenty from this side.”

“Don’t you wanna see, too?”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that, my dear.”

Crowley wondered if all angels had such long sticks up their butts, or if it was just Aziraphale. It was probably all of them, he decided. “Not ready to watch? Really? Even though you’re ready enough to hold my hand, apparently,” he remarked. “I’m pretty sure that’s much weirder than watching.”

“It is not weird! It’s a completely innocent thing to do! Isn’t it? I… I don’t know! I grabbed it without thinking.”

“You’re still holding it.”

Bright Aziraphale quipped sharply, “Are you telling me to let go?”

“No, no,” Crowley replied quickly. “Uh, forget I said anything.” He knew he wasn’t going to win this particular debate. So he backed down. “You can stay where you are, Angel. I’m glad you’re here.”

There was a vaguely sad sigh from the other side of the stall.

With one arm Dark Aziraphale hugged Crowley to himself. “It’s all right, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale whispered comfortingly. “Don’t be troubled. I’m here. I got you.” Crowley felt as a hand caressed affectionately down his clothed chest, over his abdomen, to the open skin revealed by the unfastened trousers near his waistline.

Crowley’s head fell into place against Dark Aziraphale’s. “But I need both of you,” he said quietly. “Wanna see both of you.”

Dark Aziraphale was supportive and sympathetic. “It will be all right. I’m sure he’ll come around eventually. Just give him time. He has a lot to overcome to get to where we are. But don’t forget, we are both here with you right now.” The loving hand moved along his groin, took hold of his achingly hard length, and stroked him tenderly.

The surge of pleasure was intense. Crowley sobbed from the feeling. He loved Aziraphale so much. He couldn’t learn to live without Aziraphale again. No matter what form Aziraphale was transformed into, he was completely devoted to him. He would love him for the rest of eternity. Even if the last star fizzled away and there was no starlight left in all the universe, Crowley would still have his light. “Aziraphale,” he moaned. His fingers curled, reassuring themselves that the answering pressure against them was still real. “Angel.” 

“I love you,” Dark Aziraphale said, passionately, as easily and naturally as breathing.

“I love you,” Bright Aziraphale said. It had taken great effort—and it was full of self-repression and shame—but it was genuine.

Crowley was happy. He felt cherished and safe. He let his eyes close again, and let himself swim in the sea of pleasure that Dark Aziraphale was giving him.


	5. Day 7-8

In the interval between the time the Aziraphales departed for the night and came back the next day, Crowley was out of his mind with excitement. He felt giddy. All of his previous experiences with intercourse had ended in misery, but this time he felt so loved and worthwhile that he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

Usually, he never had any trouble making the time pass—the world was a big place, and unambitious Crowley would be satisfied with merely loitering in a coffee shop and putting harmless temptations into conflicted minds that reminded him of a certain repressed angel that he knew—but today was more troublesome. He kept remembering the warm feel of Dark Aziraphale’s welcoming body, and of Bright Aziraphale’s firm hand on his own. He moved through the day like a creature half-awake, half-asleep in a marvellous dream.

Of the whole first week of the existence of the clones, the seventh day was destined to be Crowley’s favourite by far. It was the first day when the Aziraphales spent the night at his place.

For starters, when the Aziraphales arrived at his flat—and he was utterly beside himself with joy to see them arrive—Bright Aziraphale strode right up to Crowley with the most delightfully flustered face. “You’ve turned Angel into an absolute menace!”

“Oh?” Crowley was very intrigued. “How did I do that?”

“He keeps boasting about your attentions to him last night!” Bright Aziraphale exclaimed. “It is very immature and in bad taste.”

“I am not boasting!” Dark Aziraphale said, wearing the blameless expression of one who has been falsely accused. “All I said was that you are missing out on something wonderful.”

“Yes, so you’ve said, many times.”

“But you still don’t understand just how wonderful touching Crowley is,” Dark Aziraphale stressed. “He is very, very wonderful—”

“Yes, you’ve said that!”

“Very wonderful. A day or two ago, I wouldn’t have pressed this, but I am well aware that you are me, and that you feel the same way as I do, and lately you seem open to the idea of intimacy. I knew intimacy with Crowley would be pleasant, but I had no idea it was as pleasant as it really was! It feels very, very good! Astonishingly good! Even better than food! If I could go back to our past self and explain it to him, too, I would. You really don’t know what you are missing out on—!”

“You see my dilemma?” Bright Aziraphale said calmly to Crowley. 

Crowley rubbed his forehead, and sat down. That was too ridiculous. He didn’t know where to even begin. He was tempted to tell Bright Aziraphale to pull the stick out of his arse, but changed his mind at the last minute. “You know what I think?” he said, after a few moments.

The two Aziraphales hovered around him, eagerly anticipating his judgement. “What?” they asked, in unison.

Crowley smirked. “I think I wanna take you two to the cinema today,” he said. “There’s a new film out I wanna see, and I’ve heard the cinema’s a good place to bring dates. I’m gonna do that thing where I pretend to yawn and then put my arm around you. I wanna find out if it works on two people. Interested?”

Bright Aziraphale huffed indignantly.

“Which film is it?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

Crowley told him. It was an action film.

“Is it a good film?”

“Yeah, I heard it’s pretty good.” Crowley had no idea if it was good or not.

“Fine!” Bright Aziraphale stated boldly. “I’ll go!”

Crowley grinned from ear to ear. “Oh, really?”

“Yes. I would like to go. Thank you for the advance warning,” Bright Aziraphale muttered. “About… about your yawning.”

“It sounds lovely to me,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I’d love to go as well.”

Crowley shot out of the chair he’d fallen into and ducked into the kitchen to swipe his car keys from the kitchen counter.

At the cinema, Crowley made the villainous decision to procure exactly one of the largest sized tub of popcorn. The treacherous motivation behind this choice was not evident to Bright Aziraphale until they were sitting down, and Crowley was sitting in between them, holding the food in his lap.

Once the light of pained understanding dawned on Bright Aziraphale, Crowley smiled sideways at him. “You can reach over me for popcorn,” he said with a blatantly facetious innocence. “I don’t mind.”

Bright Aziraphale’s cheeks puffed out. Crowley thought that he was trying very hard to look angry and not laugh.

“Thank you very much, Crowley!” Dark Aziraphale freely took a handful of popcorn from the tub on Crowley’s lap and ate it.

Crowley smiled affectionately at him. Then he raised a daring eyebrow over the rim of his glasses at Bright Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale glanced down at the exit. Crowley could see that he was deciding if he should simply purchase his own popcorn instead. However, he did not do that. With a posture so rigid that it looked painful, he took some popcorn from Crowley’s tub and ate it. “Yes, thank you, my dear,” he said, with rigid politeness.

“You’re welcome,” Crowley said, and he meant it. “Anything for you, Angel.”

Bright Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to look Crowley in the face, but Crowley could just barely see from his position that Bright Aziraphale was smiling to himself.

When the film started, Crowley spent about half his attention on the film and the other half on his Aziraphales. He was looking for a proper opening. About forty minutes in, an opening presented itself. There was a particularly engaging rescue scene, one which had both Aziraphale beaming with delight. Crowley yawned, and wrapped his arms around both of them. The width of the seats meant he couldn’t extend his arms around them as much as he would’ve liked, but it did the trick.

Dark Aziraphale welcomed the contact. He leaned into the touch, and continued watching the film.

Bright Aziraphale froze.

Crowley was tempted to move his fingers on Bright Aziraphale—possibly to stroke him reassuringly—but that seemed like an idea that was far too risky. He wasn’t about to do anything that might make Bright Aziraphale uncomfortable. 

However, it turned out that he didn’t have to do anything. Without looking at him, Bright Aziraphale moved his body into Crowley’s arm.

Crowley’s jaw dropped. 

This time, it wasn’t a shy smile on Bright Aziraphale’s face. It was an outrageously smug smirk. He even took an obnoxiously large handful of popcorn from the tub—like he owned it—and shoved it down his throat.

Crowley’s head fell back against his seat. His heart was beating out of control. He’d just been played, and he couldn’t have been happier about it.

The rest of the two-hour film was spent like this, with Crowley’s arms wrapped comfortably around the two Aziraphales. Crowley was disappointed that the film wasn’t longer.

When he took them out to dinner afterwards—it was a light dinner, considering all the popcorn they had eaten—both Aziraphales used up the majority of the time with energetically agreeing on wonderful the film was. For the most part, Crowley relaxed lazily in his seat and listened to them. 

He considered reminding them about their miracle problem, but he didn’t. He had received an answer from the message he had texted to that one human the other day, but he didn’t have the heart to bring that up, either. They could deal with that tomorrow. He wanted to hold on to what he had for just a little longer.

* * *

When they were at home at Crowley’s flat again, Crowley stealthily used his mobile to search for a good pickup line. As soon as he found one, he put down the device and his shades, threw his arm around Dark Aziraphale, and said, “Aziraphale, I think there’s something wrong with my bed. You’re not in it.”

The line was remarkably effective. Dark Aziraphale giggled. “Crowley!” he said fondly. “That’s very charming, but there’s no need for you to be so roundabout. I’d love to give you anything you want.”

Bright Aziraphale, seeming very uncertain, anxiously fiddled with his fingers.

Crowley eyed him. “Something wrong, Angel?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. Only, the night is still so young—”

“If you’re not interested,” Crowley said, “all you gotta do is say so. It’s fine. Aziraphale and I can always sext each other or something.” He didn’t really want to do something like that, though. He hated leaving either Aziraphale out of things.

“Um, yes,” Dark Aziraphale agreed tentatively. It was clear that he had no idea what Crowley was talking about.

“It’s not that I’m not interested,” Bright Aziraphale said. He looked around the room, his eyes resting on Crowley’s green plants for a little while, before he looked back at Crowley, and with an unspoken question in his eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll bring a chair in for you,” Crowley said casually. “It’s no problem.”

Bright Aziraphale thanked him with one massively embarrassed smile. “All right. That will do. I will come.”

Crowley spun away, and only Dark Aziraphale witnessed how terrifically excited he was. Last time, in the restroom at the Ritz, the barrier between him and Bright Aziraphale had left Crowley feeling incomplete. He wouldn’t let any walls come between them again.

The Aziraphales always took extra care to move through spaces so that they were always close to one another, which meant that they had developed the habit of leaving and entering rooms in tandem. When Crowley led them to his bedroom, Dark Aziraphale waited at the bedroom door for Bright Aziraphale to be next to him, and then they both entered the room together.

Crowley doubled back to grab the chair from by the front door, and brought that in, too. He put it next to the bed. 

Bright Aziraphale squinted at the chair without sitting in it.

Crowley wondered what the problem with the choice was. “I can get a different one,” he said.

“Oh, no, the chair’s fine,” Bright Aziraphale said. He gingerly moved the chair two steps back from the bed. Then he sat on it.

Crowley frowned. That put Bright Aziraphale out of arm’s reach from the bed. “Are you sure you wanna be here?”

“Yes.” Bright Aziraphale clutched the seat of his chair as if afraid Crowley would take it away from him. “Please,” he said. “I’m sorry. I want to be here. I do. But this is all still very… frightening.”

Crowley wasn’t entirely convinced.

“That’s the whole reason you’re letting me sit here, isn’t it?” Bright Aziraphale said hurriedly. “You’ll prove to me that I’m wrong. Then my fears will disappear, and perhaps I will be able to dispense with the chair then. That’s the big idea, right?”

“I thought you were expecting me to be the one proven wrong.”

Bright Aziraphale looked to the side. “I’m beginning to think that I might be the one in the wrong.”

Crowley’s browline rose to his hair.

Dark Aziraphale gasped, “What?”

“I’d really prefer not to say any more,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I’m very embarrassed as it is!”

“Fine, whatever you say.” Inside himself, though, Crowley was jumping with hope. He sauntered over to his dresser, and pulled open a drawer. “You were right about one thing, Angel.”

“What?”

Crowley took out a small, unopened bottle with a fancy label on it, and dangled it in front of the Aziraphale’s startled faces. “I’m always prepared,” he said slyly. “But you’re also wrong, ‘cause this is unused. I picked it up at a pharmacy the day after Armageddon didn’t happen.”

“But that was some time ago,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Why on that day?”

Bright Aziraphale facepalmed.

“What?” Dark Aziraphale asked. “I don’t understand.”

In an attempt to lift the mood, Crowley joked, “Er, I guess you really are the bright one, Angel.”

But Bright Aziraphale didn’t respond to Crowley. He spoke to Dark Aziraphale. “He bought it for us. He must have hoped that we would come back to his flat.”

“What? Oh…” Dark Aziraphale was devastated. “Why, that’s so sad!”

“It’s not that sad,” Crowley said, swiftly regretting bringing this up at all. “I knew it was a long shot. I didn’t really think that you would—”

“Crowley, I’m so sorry!” Dark Aziraphale took tender hold of Crowley, which shut him up immediately. “I broke your heart when I didn’t return here, didn’t I? Let me make it up to you! Would you like a kiss?”

It took Crowley a moment to catch up. “Yeah, that would be pretty nice.”

“Wonderful! Anything for you.” Dark Aziraphale tilted up his head and kissed him.

Crowley kissed him back. Kissing Dark Aziraphale always put him in the most wonderful mood. It wasn’t a prolonged kiss, but it was one full of affection and the promise of more.

“I have been thinking of giving you pleasure all day, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I was so delighted that I was able to satisfy you yesterday. Sharing that closeness with you was marvellous. I’d never felt so close to you before, my dear. It was very nice to see you feel good. It’s not a look I see on you enough. I have been hoping that I could make you feel good again. Have you been thinking about it, too?”

“Yeah, every minute.” The fact that they had done this once before did nothing to temper the excitement thrumming through Crowley’s body, down to his fingers and toes. His anxious anticipation now was as high as it had been yesterday. His nervous body seemed to be of the opinion that steady nerves and self-control were overrated.

Dark Aziraphale gently guided Crowley onto the bed, and Crowley followed without argument, so that Crowley was lying down beneath him. “What would you like most, my dear?”

“Uh, wait,” Crowley said, fighting to keep some rational thought going. “Sheets.”

“Sheets?”

“We gotta be under them. Make things easier on Angel.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said dismissively from where he sat at a distance. “That will hardly make a difference!”

“No,” Crowley said. “Want you to be comfortable.” He raised his head to look at the distant Aziraphale. “Want you to like this.”

The intensity of his attention amazed Bright Aziraphale.

“Sheets,” Crowley repeated. He raised his fingers and snapped. In an instant, the bedsheets were covering Crowley and Dark Aziraphale.

Dark Aziraphale looked down, then back up at Crowley. He was pouting adorably. “Oh,” he whined prettily, “that’s so considerate of you, but it’s a shame we still have so many clothes on. It would be nice if we didn’t have any clothes in the way.”

Immediately, Crowley snapped his fingers again. Their clothes vanished, and reappeared neatly folded-up on top of the dresser. 

Dark Aziraphale beamed. “Oh, thank you, Crowley!” He gave a Crowley innocent thank-you kiss on the lips. “You are a dear.”

“It’s what I do,” Crowley heard himself say. He was sure that he was going to explode from how cute that kiss was. His gaze lingered on Dark Aziraphale’s naked chest.

“Tell me, what is it that you’d like from me tonight?” Dark Aziraphale tilted his head sweetly. “I want to make you so happy. What do you want, Crowley?”

The answer to that question required no thought. “You, in me.”

“Like what we did yesterday?”

Crowley wasn’t opposed to that, but that wasn’t what he had in mind. “No. Fancy club style.” 

“Ah! Of course. I see. Absolutely. I’d love to do that for you. May I borrow this?” Dark Aziraphale took the bottle of lubricant that was in Crowley’s hand as if it was completely natural that he should take it. “Thank you.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

Dark Aziraphale began to move his hand down to Crowley’s lower body, but he stopped. “Why, you look very nice without your clothes on,” he said. He stroked the thin frame of Crowley’s chest, admiring it.

The sensation was soothing for Crowley. It made him feel wonderfully cherished. “Thanks…”

With firmly-pressed palms, Dark Aziraphale caressed his shoulders and his arms. The hands moved up and down, lovingly treading and retreading the canvas of Crowley’s body. 

Crowley wasn’t accustomed to being made to feel so adored. It felt good.

“Could you please lay on your stomach?” Dark Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley obeyed him. He pulled one pillow to his face and watched as one of the other pillows was moved away. He felt it being placed underneath his hips. The gentleness of the movement gave him the overpowering feeling that he was being cared for.

“Thank you,” Dark Aziraphale said sweetly. “You can relax. I’ll do everything, my dear. Although, I’ve never done this myself before. I’m sure I’ll manage, but I would appreciate it if you could tell me if I do anything that hurts you. Do you like this?” He stroked up and down Crowley’s back, around where his wings would be.

Crowley hummed softly.

“Wonderful,” Dark Aziraphale chirped. The soft hands on Crowley’s slender back moved down, caressing at the small of his back and around his sides. “You are so beautiful, Crowley. You always are. In every era, you were always so beautiful. So nicely groomed, so finely dressed…”

Fingers were caressing his hips and rear, tracing the dips of his body. Crowley moaned appreciatively. He wanted Dark Aziraphale to touch him everywhere.

“I was always so excited to see you, Crowley. You were the only one I could talk to about work. About many things, really. I often wondered what you did when we were apart. You fascinated me. You were always so very mysterious.” The fingers were gone for a moment. When Crowley felt them again on his rear, they were slick and wet, and rubbing near his entrance.

Crowley remembered having those same thoughts about the angel. “Aziraphale,” he whimpered. He wanted him so much.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” One finger pushed very cautiously into him. “Um, is this all right, my dear?”

“I’ll tell you if it’s not,” Crowley said. “Go faster. Please.”

“Certainly.” Gradually, more fingers were slid into him. “You’ve become so very dear to me, Crowley. I love taking walks with you and dining with you. After all these years, you still never fail to captivate me. I wish that I could be with you all the time. I want to make you as happy as you’ve made me. I want to see you have everything you need. Is there anything else besides for this that you need?”

“This is good.”

“What about something simple? Like a foot massage?” Dark Aziraphale asked kindly, and Crowley wasn’t sure why, but that question fired up and excited the nerves in his legs. “I wonder if you’ve ever had anyone do such a thing for you? It can be very nice. This lotion here would do nicely. I think I can do only one foot at a time, so I’d have to take turns with them. But I’m fairly certain I could make it good for you. I would take your foot in my hands and rub my thumbs along the bottom. One way I could do it is to rub down each of your toes a few times, pressing the thumb to each one. Then I would go to the arch of the foot and drag my thumbs into those. Then I would do the same to the heel. I’d do it for as long as it was pleasant for you. I think you would like that very much.”

That should not have been nearly arousing as it was to listen to, and yet Crowley was writhing. “Aziraphale,” he gasped, “please! Now.” He made a show of pulling up his knees, and his elbows curled at either side of himself, lifting his whole body up just enough. 

“Oh, are you ready?”

“Yes, please! I need you.”

“You will let me know if I go astray?”

Crowley groaned, “Aziraphale!”

“Oh, yes, I’m sorry.” Dark Aziraphale seemed a little guilty for the delay, and Crowley so did not have the patience for that right now. “I don’t mean to make you wait. That’s the last thing I want to do. Of course, I’ll give you what you need.” Dark Aziraphale held his hips for a better angle. “Relax, my dear. I won’t do anything to alarm you. I’ve got you…” Gently, Dark Aziraphale pushed into him.

The feeling of being filled was marvellous. Crowley moaned at the relief of finally having an Aziraphale make love to him. “Yes,” he gasped, “yes.”

Dark Aziraphale didn’t move yet. “Ah,” he whispered. “Oh goodness.”

“More, more,” Crowley begged. “I can take it.”

It was a bit too much for Dark Aziraphale to formulate a response at the moment, so he only answered with his body. The hips behind Crowley slowly moved back, and then moved forward, penetrating in the intimate way that he had always longed for.

“More,” Crowley moaned.

“My dear,” Dark Aziraphale breathed. “I don’t wish to hurt you.”

“More. Please.”

“All right. Yes, of course.” Dark Aziraphale swayed with greater confidence now. 

It was like their bodies had been made to fit each other’s like this. There was no more loneliness. There was only pleasure, and a love a thousand times greater than casual acquaintanceship. They belonged to each other. He was learning the feel of Dark Aziraphale’s body which Aziraphale had always been a little ashamed about, and Dark Aziraphale was coming to know Crowley’s body. There were no barriers between them here. Whatever the word for the opposite of feeling abandoned was called, that was what Crowley decided he was feeling. 

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale murmured, his hips steadily growing more self-assured. “Oh dear, you feel so nice, so wonderful. I love doing this to you.”

Crowley let himself ride the thrusts of the body digging into him. “Aziraphale.” The name was a devoted prayer on his lips, full of reverence and love. But it wasn’t enough. There was another name inside him, fighting to come out. He let it out. “Angel,” he moaned. 

There wasn’t a reply. 

“He’s here,” Dark Aziraphale reassured Crowley. “He won’t leave you. We’re both here with you.”

They’d only just started, and already Crowley was completely wrecked. His own arousal was rubbing into the too-thin friction of the pillow underneath him. The silkiness of the sheets and the pillows around him were a perfect match for Dark Aziraphale’s softness. However, Crowley didn’t chase his own release. He kept thinking about all the years he had spent fantasizing about Aziraphale doing this to him. He wanted this to last forever. “Angel,” Crowley begged for an answer.

“Yes?” a farther, more distant voice of Aziraphale responded hesitantly to him. The voice was shaking.

Why are you so far away, Crowley yearned to say. But he didn’t bother. He was so overjoyed just to hear Bright Aziraphale’s voice responding to him. That would have to be enough. A godless demon like him couldn’t ask for more than that from Bright Aziraphale. Crowley would have preferred to see him, too, but he couldn’t move away from where he was. He needed Dark Aziraphale to be as deep inside of his body as possible. “Are you watching us?” he gasped. He needed to know that Bright Aziraphale was enjoying this, too.

The response was ashamed of itself. “No. I’m not.”

A mad fury overtook the peacefulness that Crowley had been enjoying until this moment. “What? Why the bloody fuck not?” he shouted.

“I can’t.”

Once again, Crowley was incomplete. Even while Dark Aziraphale was filling him and stroking his insides with infinite care and appreciation, it wasn’t enough for Crowley. If only he could snap his fingers, and straighten out Bright Aziraphale’s mind with as much ease as he did to the humans at the coffee shop, this problem would be long behind them. It would be so simple for him to do it. Bright Aziraphale might not even notice, and he definitely couldn’t stop Crowley. But Crowley hated himself for even allowing such a dreadful thought to exist for two seconds in his head. “Please look at me,” he called out. “Please.”

“I can’t. I’ll cease to be an angel,” Bright Aziraphale cried wretchedly.

“No, you won’t! You’ll always be an angel!” Crowley spoke in a hysterical frenzy. He had to make Bright Aziraphale see the truth. “Don’t you get it? Look at Aziraphale! He’s still an angel! You’ll still be one, too!”

Dark Aziraphale’s movements stuttered.

“You’ve gone mad,” Bright Aziraphale said quietly. “He’s Fallen.”

“What the fuck does that even mean! Fallen? Uh… damn it,” Crowley whimpered at the loss of Dark Aziraphale’s confident thrusts. “Aziraphale, go faster, please.”

However, much to Crowley’s heartbroken dismay, Dark Aziraphale stopped moving altogether. “Crowley…” He sounded sad. At least he had the courtesy not to pull out entirely.

But this was unacceptable to Crowley. Totally unacceptable. He growled in frustration. “You’re an angel, too, Aziraphale!” he groaned desperately. “You are! You know what humans mean when they say someone’s an angel? They mean he’s nice, sweet, good, uh,” his brain struggled a bit, “virtuous, generous, caring. All that shit. That’s what you are! Even if you ever stop being a Heavenly angel, you’ll always be a human one. Because you’re good. You’re right there, under good in the dictionary. That’s the only definition of angel that matters.”

“But I can’t feel Heaven.”

“Forget Heaven. Earth is our home now. You can feel Earth with your own two feet. Don’t you like Earth?”

Dark Aziraphale hesitated. “But I can’t sense love,” he said.

“Don’t be daft! Yes, you can bloody well sense it! It’s about time you started thinking about it like a human. You’ve got the five basic senses, haven’t you? See love with your eyes. Hear love with your ears. Smell it with your nose. Taste it with your tongue. Feel it with your skin—!” Crowley bit his lip. He couldn’t go on. He was inches away from begging Dark Aziraphale to keep thrusting into him. He was going to crumble from the magnitude of his desire, but that wasn’t what he needed to be worrying about. He didn’t want to lose the Aziraphales. They were both so stupid, sometimes, but he knew that they loved him, and he loved them both so dearly.

Ever so softly, Dark Aziraphale retreated from Crowley’s body.

Crowley wanted to weep.

But then, Dark Aziraphale’s hands were firm on Crowley’s hips, and he pushed back into him. Crowley was hyper-aware of every point of contact between the two of them. The thickness inside of him was slick, hot, and hard as a rock. “I like the scent of us together,” Dark Aziraphale murmured, as he rocked deeply and gratifyingly into Crowley. “I hadn’t noticed it before. It’s fascinating.”

Crowley moaned wretchedly. “Aziraphale…”

“You are absolutely right, my dear. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before. I can still sense love. I hadn’t thought of it that way. It’s a different way of sensing it, but it’s not different in a bad way.” Dark Aziraphale rubbed himself without inhibition along Crowley’s inner walls, back and forth, single-mindedly giving everything to Crowley. “On the contrary, this is very lovely. It feels so good to be inside you. I feel so much love from you, Crowley.”

It couldn’t be healthy for Crowley’s heart to endure these massive swings from abject misery to unadulterated happiness. “I love you, Aziraphale. I love you so much. Feels so good to have you in me. You’re not bad. You’re still so good. You’re still an angel, angel. Uh, Aziraphale. Ah, shit,” Crowley laughed hoarsely, “I’m gonna need to give you two different names.”

“What would you rather call us?”

“Dunno. Ah, fuck, that feels so good, angel, Aziraphale, whoever the fuck,” Crowley moaned. “You’re both Aziraphale. You’re both angel. I’ll call you both by both.”

“That’s going to be… confusing, my dear.” Dark Aziraphale’s body lanced through Crowley with impossibly affectionate care. ”What about the first name you gave me? Dark Aziraphale?”

“The first name? Fuck, that’s good,” Crowley moaned. “You say that like you were born on that day.”

“Maybe I was born on that day,” Dark Aziraphale said mildly, and Crowley was about to threaten to kick his arse over it, but Dark Aziraphale increased his pace, and then Crowley was too weak to threaten anything. “It doesn’t matter, though. I didn’t like that name, then. But I think I’ve come to like it. It’s the name you chose for me. So, please, call me by that name, my dear.”

“Uh… Dark Aziraphale,” Crowley tried. “Dark angel,” he tried next, and he liked the feel of both versions on his lips. He could get used to it.

“What about my twin?” Dark Aziraphale asked. “Did you choose a name for him?”

The voice of the other one, which had once been painfully far away, was now much closer. “It’s Bright Aziraphale,” the voice said primly. “He called me the bright one. That must have been what B and D meant.”

“Oh!” Dark Aziraphale exclaimed in delight. “That’s what that meant? Thank goodness. I am so glad it wasn’t the other thing.”

Crowley did his best to not pay too much attention to that comment, and turned his head from his limited position, trying hastily to see where the other Aziraphale had moved to. 

But he hadn’t needed to turn far. Bright Aziraphale was sitting very close, on the edge of the bed. Bright Aziraphale was terrified, but being brave. It should have been disconcerting, having a nude Aziraphale pound into him while this fully clothed Aziraphale sat nearby, but Crowley was nothing but grateful. Bright Aziraphale’s big, dilated eyes were fixed on Crowley’s. “You’re going to have to choose different names, again, though,” he said. “If I Fall.”

Crowley didn’t know which part of what he said had got through to Bright Aziraphale. He didn’t need to know. He reached for him.

Bright Aziraphale took his hand with one of his own. “You don’t even know how beautiful you are right now,” he said. “You look so content.” He glanced over the sheets covering the other two with academic disapproval and tore them off with his free hand. 

A fresh shudder of arousal thundered through Crowley’s legs.

Dark Aziraphale didn’t seem to care about the loss of the sheets. He did, however, notice the exposure’s effect on Crowley. He moved even faster. His pace was devoted and generous, and he happened to graze the sensitive cluster of nerves hidden deep inside of Crowley. Crowley moaned pleadingly, wordlessly begging for more, and Dark Aziraphale made sure to keep rubbing him in the same unbearably good spot. 

“Please forgive me, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale was saying. He smiled apologetically as he gently caressed Crowley’s slightly moving shoulder blade, and Crowley whined pathetically from this unfair onslaught of affection. “I’m so relieved that you’ll still think of me as an angel. I should have known you would. I was so worried that you wouldn’t. Ah, but I am not an angel for making you wait, now am I? I don’t know why you put up with me for so long. I will make it up to you. I’ve been cowardly for far too long. I was so afraid that—but no, no, I see, now, that you won’t think less of me. You won’t leave me, just as I won’t leave you. Nothing will separate us. Not even this.”

Dark Aziraphale must have hit his limit, because he moaned deeply and finished into Crowley. Crowley was filled to the brim with Dark Aziraphale’s gratifying gift. It trickled gently down Crowley’s own shuddering thighs. It torched Crowley sweetly like an oil fire. He felt Dark Aziraphale crumple slightly behind him, though not moving away quite yet. 

“Do you want me to help you, Crowley?” Bright Aziraphale asked kindly, as if nothing noteworthy had happened. He continued to caress Crowley’s back. “Please, let me do something for you. You may have to be patient with me. I’m still a little scared. But I don’t want to be an angel to Heaven anymore. I want to be your sort of angel. The human sort. I think I mistook them as being the same. But you were right. I haven’t been good to you. I want to be good to you.”

Somewhere in the far recesses of his dazed, dumb, useless mind, Crowley knew that he needed to lie Bright Aziraphale down and tell him of all the ways that he had been good to Crowley over the years. Not tonight, but some night soon, he would stroke Bright Aziraphale while he told him all about what a good, kind angel he was. Crowley would tell him that making love to him didn’t make him any less pure, in Crowley’s eyes. It only made Crowley love him even more.

Dark Aziraphale finally pulled away. He came around the other side of Crowley and said, “Crowley, are you all right—?”

Crowley snapped his fingers ferociously. 

Bright Aziraphale’s clothes were gone, folded up on the dresser next to the other two sets. “Ah,” Bright Aziraphale said, moderately surprised.

The beauty of the revealed skin and curves of Bright Aziraphale’s body was not lost on Crowley, but he lacked the patience to explore it right now. “Mouth,” Crowley hissed weakly. “Please.”

Bright Aziraphale, misunderstanding what Crowley was asking for, smiled. “Oh, how romantic of you. Certainly.” He sat next to Crowley, and helped Crowley up to kiss him for the first time.

But Crowley had other ideas. He dropped his hands and face down to Bright Aziraphale’s lap, where he was face to face with the hard, leaking length that stood there. “Please,” he rasped, “in me.”

There was an unexpected, unfortunate uptick in the terror in Bright Aziraphale’s voice. “Oh dear,” he squeaked. 

Crowley looked up at him. “What? Don’t want?” He wasn’t sure he could survive the answer.

“Um… I’m not sure…”

“Stop thinking like that!” Dark Aziraphale admonished his counterpart. “It’s not a sin to love him. Someone out there might think it is, but we don’t, and he doesn’t. This is not you being bad. This is you being good. He asked you for this.”

Bright Aziraphale’s fears were eased by that. “Yes, you’re quite right!” he said. “I’m being silly again.” Then he took a deep breath and said to Crowley, “Yes, I would love for you to use me however you wish.” He parted his legs on the bed, freely offering himself to Crowley. “Although, this is new to me, so if you could please be gentle with me—”

Crowley hugged his arms around Bright Aziraphale sitting body and unabashedly took Bright Aziraphale into his mouth.

A shiver ran through the knees bent to each side of Crowley. “Ah… ah…” Bright Aziraphale’s tone of voice shifted markedly. “Oh. Oh goodness.” He clutched the sheets beside himself. “Oh my, oh my goodness, oh dear… Crowley… Crowley, please…”

It was pitiful how desperate Crowley was to worship Bright Aziraphale’s body. His own body was crying out for attention, and his hips were making small movements against the bed, but his need to have Bright Aziraphale in his mouth was greater than his own need for release. Crowley relished the freedom to finally pleasure the length in his mouth. Everything about Bright Aziraphale’s body was identical to Dark Aziraphale’s, he noticed. The white curls were the same, the feel of him was the same, and the taste was just as good. Crowley managed to keep some focus on not doing anything to hurt Bright Aziraphale, but he went a bit too fast.

It was a lot for Bright Aziraphale to take. He was only encouraging to Crowley, however. “You feel so wonderful,” he said. He was amazed and trembling. “Oh, Crowley, you feel so good. Please, Crowley, take as much of me as you want. Oh, dear. Please, you can have everything, to your heart’s content. Anything for you. Dear me, you feel so wonderful.”

Crowley rutted his hips sharply against the bed now. He was in so much need that he was certain he would come from that contact alone.

But two compassionate hands came to rest on his lower body. “Excuse me, my dear, but can I help?” Dark Aziraphale asked. “Would you like for me to touch you? I’d be very happy to do that for you.”

“Fuck,” Crowley moaned around the length in his mouth. ”Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yes!”

Above him, Bright Aziraphale whimpered with pleasure.

Dark Aziraphale was uncertain, though. “Was that a yes?”

“Aziraphale!” Crowley groaned out, terribly irritated and aroused and happy.

“Ah… yes, that was a yes,” Bright Aziraphale said, with effort.

“Oh. All right.” Dark Aziraphale steadied Crowley’s hips, and then Crowley felt his heavy, aching need being lovingly stroked. “Is this nice?”

It was too much. The combination of the feel of Bright Aziraphale in his mouth and Dark Aziraphale in between his legs was euphoric, and Crowley gave into it. He instantly came into Dark Aziraphale’s grip. His body shook as it exploded into a thousand sensations. 

“Oh, my dear,” Dark Aziraphale murmured softly. “That’s it. That’s good, Crowley. Let it out for me.”

As much as he wanted to, Crowley couldn’t keep moving on Bright Aziraphale while his brain and body went haywire. He went limp. He mindlessly sucked on Bright Aziraphale, wishing so badly that he had the presence of mind to move, to give Bright Aziraphale pleasure, too.

But then he felt Bright Aziraphale began to slowly move on his own. “Is this… correct?” Bright Aziraphale asked. The strokes of the length in Crowley’s mouth were soft and sweet. Unlike Crowley’s frantic movements, Bright Aziraphale’s movements were long and unhurried. Even though this was Bright Aziraphale’s first time, he seemed to be more concerned with satisfying Crowley than with satisfying himself.

Crowley longed to thank him. He couldn’t do that, either, though. So, he let himself relax. His body obediently rode Dark Aziraphale’s hand, and his tongue savoured the taste of Bright Aziraphale. 

The two of them were taking very good care of him. He didn’t have to do anything except enjoy it.

* * *

On the morning of the eighth day, Crowley woke up naked, sticky, and alone in bed. He vaguely remembered having a great dream about the Aziraphales. That wasn’t too unusual, and he didn’t feel like thinking about it further. He felt warm all over, as if he’d slept next to a pleasant fire all night, and the sheets were still drawn up to his neck. His thighs were sticky, and he could have sworn he tasted it in his mouth, but he couldn’t find the sticky spot that must be on the bed. He scratched his head lazily, kicked off the sheets, and got up.

He lazily threw a finger in the direction of the bed, until the sheets were undoubtedly clean and well-ordered. He miracled himself clean as well. He pulled on the clothes that were on his dresser, and freshened them up as well.

The first thing he did every morning, after dressing himself, was to go to the bathroom and make his hair perfect. Miracles were good enough for most things, but hair management required greater precision. He picked up his plastic comb, squirted some styling product into his palm, and did up his hair until every strand was perfectly in place. His facial hair only grew on command, so he didn’t have to shave. 

He flirted with himself in the mirror for a few seconds, straightened the edges of his lightweight jacket, and went downstairs.

“Crowley!” two Aziraphales cheered from the kitchen counter at his entrance when he sauntered into the kitchen. They put down the teacups that were in their hands.

Crowley stopped. He glanced at the digital clock above the microwave. It was definitely morning. Yet here were the Aziraphales, several hours too early, smiling at him with adorable bedheads.

Dark Aziraphale came up to him, and kissed him on the cheek. “Good morning, my dear,” he said. “It is very nice to see you.”

Bright Aziraphale came up to the other side of him, and kissed him on the cheek, too. “I love you very much, Crowley,” he said.

Crowley gaped at Bright Aziraphale. That’s when it all came back to him. The three of them had been intimate last night. Shockingly intimate. Both Aziraphales had made love to him, and it had been amazing. It had been a threesome, Crowley’s brain suggested. Crowley thought he ought to wear a T-shirt with that word on it. The Aziraphales had hugged him cutely afterwards. Bright Aziraphale had been shyer than Dark Aziraphale, but both had obsessed over making Crowley feel nice. He had miracled them clean, but had not bothered cleaning himself. They must have all fallen asleep at some point.

“Ah,” Bright Aziraphale said in dismay, stepping back. “I’ve disturbed you. Was I too forward just now? I suppose that was unfair of me. I denied you for so long, my dear. It would be unfair of me to expect open arms from you. Don’t fret, my dear. I quite understand.”

“I do think you’re mistaken,” Dark Aziraphale said to him. “I’m sure he is merely surprised by your attention. Isn’t that right, my dear?”

Crowley didn’t know what to say. No words that he said would possibly be good enough to capture the full breadth of love and devotion that he was feeling right now. “Uh… uh…”

The Aziraphales looked at him with great interest, anxiously awaiting his verdict.

“I… was, uh… just thinking that…” The swallow in Crowley’s throat was loud in his ears. “... your hair… looks messed up.”

Bright Aziraphale touched his head. “Oh, dear me. Still?” he said, disappointed. “I did try to fix it.”

Dark Aziraphale touched his own head, too, concerned. His problem was less noticeable, however, since the horns and flowers on his head were adequately arranged.

Crowley spun his magic finger around, and both of their sets of hair were set to passable.

“Ah, thank you,” Dark Aziraphale said. “We would do it ourselves, if we could.”

The reminder of the Aziraphales’ miracle handicap made Crowley frown a bit. They ought to talk about it. Maybe it was about time he let them in the message he had received from the witch—but he shrank from the idea.

“Does this mean that I didn’t disturb you, just now?” Bright Aziraphale asked carefully.

Crowley couldn’t let Bright Aziraphale go on believing that. He worked up his nerves and found his inner cool self once more. “Eh, you didn’t kiss me on the mouth,” he said. “So that was kind of a bummer.”

Bright Aziraphale’s reaction was pure gold. “Oh! Um…” He grew expectantly nervous all over. “Crowley, would you like a kiss?”

“If you want.”

“Yes, I would very much like to!” He kissed Crowley sweetly. There was no shame in the act. Bright Aziraphale actually seemed very proud of himself to finally be kissing Crowley.

Crowley kissed him back with style. The Aziraphales had the same soft, loving manner of kissing. It was addictive. The more kisses he got from them, the more he wanted.

Dark Aziraphale said, “May I kiss you, as well?”

Crowley gladly shared a kiss with him, too. The message from the witch could wait, Crowley thought. This cloning business wasn’t so bad. Why bother talking about it? It was just one of the facts of nature. It wasn’t hurting anybody.

“Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said, shifting into his serious voice. “I think it’s time we discussed the matter of us not being able to perform any miracles. I realise it isn’t a serious issue at present, but it is very troubling.”

Dark Aziraphale sighed reluctantly. “He’s right. It is worrying. It leaves you with no one to rely on in a battle, if it ever comes down to that again.”

Crowley rolled his head curiously. “You can’t do any miracles at all? Are you guys using the toilet?”

Bright Aziraphale was startled. “What? Well… no!”

“Really? That’s a miracle, you know,” Crowley said slyly.

“All right, all right, fine,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I’ll be more specific. We can’t perform any meaningful miracles.”

“But that is a meaningful miracle,” Crowley said. “Humans would tell you so.”

“But it’s a very easy one,” Dark Aziraphale said. “We’ve done it so many times that it’s second nature.”

“The point is, you can still do at least one miracle. So you’re not cut off from doing it. You’re just cut off from doing… eh, very much of it.”

“But why would that be?”

“I would have thought,” Bright Aziraphale added, “that we would have double the magic as before, since there are two of us. Yet we have almost none.”

“As long as there are two of us, we will be powerless, I expect,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Perhaps your angelic magic and my demonic magic are countering each other. Perhaps if we were further away from each other…?”

“No, we cannot,” Bright Aziraphale said. “You will lose consciousness.”

“But you will be fine,” Dark Aziraphale said. “You could find out if your powers return to you, and then wake me again.”

Bright Aziraphale tapped his chin. “I suppose it is worth a try.”

“We are not doing that,” Crowley said flatly. “Never bring it up again.”

The Aziraphales looked at him, stunned.

“We don’t know enough,” Crowley said. “We don’t know why Dark Aziraphale loses consciousness. What if Bright Aziraphale gets too far away, and Dark dies?”

The Aziraphales froze in horror. They glanced at each other apologetically. They hadn’t considered that possibility. 

Crowley had considered it, however, because he knew one thing that they didn’t know. 

He really, really did not want to mention the witch. He wanted to drop this whole conversation and to ignore the problems in front of them. He didn’t want to tell them what the witch had told him. 

In response to his curt text messages about the two Aziraphales, she had informed him equally curtly that there was no such entity as the Fallen Principality of the East Gate. There was only the one who wasn’t Fallen. How exactly she could know this when even Crowley didn’t, he wasn’t sure, but she had seemed very certain of it, and he had made the irreversible mistake of pretending to know exactly why she was certain of it. She had added that the fake Aziraphale would probably go away if they just left him at a bus stop somewhere.

Crowley did not want to believe her. He decided right then and there that he would not tell the Aziraphales about it. Crowley’s heart knew that there was more to it. There had to be. Both of his Aziraphales were real. He could feel it. The witch was wrong. He would find the truth some other way.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you guys with that,” Crowley said. He smiled affectionately at both of them, desiring to put them at ease again. “Just wanna keep you both safe. ‘Kay?”


	6. Day 8

Crowley almost didn’t let the Aziraphales return to the bookshop after breakfast, on the eighth day. It had been a tough fight within himself. His relationship with each of the Aziraphales was taking off, and developing those relationships seemed to him to be worth taking a day or two off from work. However, both Aziraphales wanted to return to their bookshop, and Crowley didn’t have the heart to stop them. 

He considered driving them home. Part of him thought that such an idea was overly needy and controlling of him. The Aziraphales could get around town by themselves, after all, and did not need Crowley to escort them everywhere. Crowley ultimately said bollocks to that thought, however, and gave the Aziraphales a ride. 

When they were in the car, he had the nerve to suggest that the two of them could share the passenger seat, so that they might be up front with him. They laughed and told him to stop being so silly. 

And then they went into the bookshop, and Crowley had discovered that he was unwilling to leave them. He was too in love with them, and too accustomed to a lifetime spent apart from Aziraphale. So he spent the whole day with the adorable pair.

He loitered around the bookshop, lounging about in corners and watching them while staying out of their way. He was an expert at loitering, so he didn’t get bored. It was the first time that he got to see the clones’ co-business in action. It was not as fascinating as he had originally supposed, though. One Aziraphale would take care of business while the other one read, or both would read. Customers who noticed both Aziraphales would be told that Mr Fell’s twin brother was in for a visit. There were a couple of regulars who stopped by who were already acquainted with the twin, and they shared amiable greetings. A few people made fun remarks about Dark Aziraphale’s flowers. 

None of the customers noticed Crowley. If he put a temptation or two into the heads of the customers, he did a spot of something nice for them, too. He had to make up for the miracle deficit on the side of the Aziraphales, after all.

Occasionally, one or both of the Aziraphales would talk to Crowley, but Crowley made sure not to disturb them excessively. He wanted to show off how harmless and easy of a fixture he could be in the bookshop. If he was lucky, the bookshop might be a future home of his.

The most fascinating part of the day was seeing the two sets of vase-entombed hyacinths, which were still going very strong. They were featured prominently on Aziraphale’s old desk. Crowley wondered if he had to wait for those hyacinths to die before he could buy them bouquets of roses. He considered ordering them to shrivel up faster, but that didn’t seem fair to them. He had told them a week ago to stand firm, after all.

When lunchtime came around, Crowley invited them out to eat. They ended up spending a very agreeable time together. Crowley took the opportunity to ask them questions about their own relationship. His time spent studying them in the bookshop had made him curious about it.

“Hey, Aziraphales,” Crowley asked them while they ate a simple meal at a local sandwich shop. The Aziraphales had ordered the same meal, as they always did. Their identicality never ceased to amuse Crowley. “Do you guys get along? Are you guys friends?”

“Yes,” both Aziraphales said.

Crowley was smiling before he was aware of it.

“We largely stayed out of each other’s way at first,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Perhaps we were not on social terms then. But we have quite a lot in common, my dear. There is very little that we disagree on. Friendship may not be the proper word for it.”

“I would not exactly call it friendship, either,” Bright Aziraphale said. “It is unlike our friendship with you—if I can still refer to our relationship as such, my dear?”

Crowley shrugged. Friendship was probably not the right word anymore, but he did still think of Aziraphale as his best friend, so maybe it was fine.

“At least he does not feel like a stranger to me,” Bright Aziraphale added. “He feels very familiar. But that is to be expected.”

“It simply feels as though there are two of me,” Dark Aziraphale said.

Crowley asked, “Do you guys have twin telepathy? Can you feel what the other one is feeling?” 

“First of all, there is no such thing as twin telepathy,” Bright Aziraphale said. “To answer your question, though, no. We don’t have any sort of connection like that. At least, I do not.”

“I do not sense any connection, either.” Dark Aziraphale said. “I do not sense anything from him. I still sense your presence, Crowley, but I do not sense his.”

“Weird. I feel a presence from both of you. You two feel the same. It’s weaker than how it used to be, though. Kinda hazy. Maybe you do sense something from each other, and you haven’t noticed,” Crowley said. “We should test it. Do an experiment.”

“What do you propose?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

But the beginnings of a clever, fantastic idea had begun to wind the gears in Crowley’s head, and he had deferred. “Uh, let me work on it. I’ll think of something. I’ll get back to you.”

The Aziraphales had been curious, but they hadn’t pushed it.

Crowley didn’t mention it again until they were back at Crowley’s flat later that afternoon.

* * *

Crowley asked the Aziraphales to sit next to each other on the sofa in his living room. He made sure they were out of their shoes and coats first. If things went according to plan, they wouldn’t be leaving that sofa for a while, and not until they’d had a thoroughly good time. Crowley also made sure his glasses were off. They would only get in the way of the proceedings.

“We’re gonna test that telepathy thing now,” Crowley said. “One of you will close your eyes, and tell me if they can guess what the other one is doing.”

“That is all?” Dark Aziraphale said. “Well, if you say so. Although, I can tell you right now that we won’t be able to.” 

“No harm in a simple test, right?”

Dark Aziraphale considered it. “Yes, I suppose there is no harm in it.”

“Good.” Crowley smirked slyly. “Bright Aziraphale, cover your eyes.”

There was an immediate flinch from Bright Aziraphale. “Wait a moment. Why me?” He narrowed his eyes. He asked slowly, “What exactly are you planning, Crowley?”

“I can’t tell you,” Crowley said. “You’re not supposed to know what’s gonna happen. That would ruin the test. Wouldn’t wanna do that.”

But it didn’t work—and to be honest, Crowley hadn’t wanted it to. He wanted Bright Aziraphale to prod him about this. True to form, Bright Aziraphale was a picture of suspicion. “Crowley. You’re not planning to do something utterly devious, like… being intimate to him, and making me guess what sordid thing you’re up to, are you?”

Crowley grinned merrily. He pretended to be enlightened by the suggestion. “Wow! That’s not a bad idea!” He flicked an approving finger in Bright Aziraphale’s direction. “I like the way you think, angel.”

Bright Aziraphale, of course, wasn’t falling for it in the slightest. He was too suspicious. He was absolutely correct to be suspicious, too. Crowley didn’t actually give a shit about finding out the answer to his own question about any telepathy between the clones. He just wanted to have fun with his precious Aziraphales.

“Maybe I will do that, maybe I won’t,” Crowley said. “Unless, you’re saying no to the touchy-feely stuff?”

“I’m not saying no.”

“You’re not saying yes, either.”

There was loud embarrassment in Bright Aziraphale’s grimace. “You will… keep it to kissing, I imagine?”

Absolutely not. “No promises,” Crowley drawled. “Besides, if I only kept it to kissing, that wouldn’t be much fun for you to listen to. And I do know how much you love to listen, angel.”

Bright Aziraphale’s abashed face was priceless. Crowley could have taken out his mobile, snapped a photo, and made it his phone’s wallpaper. “All right!” Bright Aziraphale said hastily, giving in quickly, to Crowley’s pleased surprise. “Fine. Yes! The answer is yes. Do whatever you wish. I’ll cover my eyes, like this.” He quickly covered his face with both hands, and Crowley was certain that Bright Aziraphale was hiding an expression that would have given his excitement away.

“You’re sure about that?”

“Of course I am sure! Do your worst.” Bright Aziraphale groaned. “I suppose I’ve earned this humiliation. This is your way of exacting revenge on me for how stiffly I’ve treated you.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it revenge,” Crowley droned with an abundance of insincere sweetness. “It’s an experiment, remember? Calling it revenge makes it sound so cruel. I could never be cruel to you.”

The disingenuous words had an unexpected effect on Bright Aziraphale. He sighed into his palms and bowed his head a little. “No,” he said softly, “you never could be cruel to me.”

That threw Crowley off his game somewhat. His hands itched to reach out and comfort Bright Aziraphale. For a moment, he thought about abandoning this charade. He could hold his beloved in his arms and give him tender kisses. He could whisper to his sweet Aziraphale that he had never thought of him as cruel.

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Bright Aziraphale,” Dark Aziraphale said, clapping his hands with excitement. “I think this sounds like fun. What are we going to do, my dear?” he cheerfully asked a startled Crowley. He hadn’t expected quite so much buy-in from either of the Aziraphales. It was quite nice. “A kiss? I think that would be very nice. Oh, that’s right! I forgot. You can’t tell me. Silly me.”

“Oh, dear,” Bright Aziraphale murmured to himself. “Must you sound so delighted about it?”

“But aren’t you delighted as well?” Dark Aziraphale asked his double. “You love him as much as I do.”

“Of course I do. Please, show a little restraint. You’re embarrassing us in front of Crowley.”

“For the love of—!” Dark Aziraphale fumed. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. There’s nothing shameful about any of this. You needn’t show so much restraint. You won’t lose his respect just by letting him see a little enthusiasm.”

Bright Aziraphale stiffened. “I’m not afraid of losing his respect.”

Crowley frowned. Where were they going with this? Suddenly, this wasn’t going as well as Crowley had hoped.

“You are lying,” Dark Aziraphale said.

“I am not lying.”

“Then tell me, what are you so afraid of?”

“Do we really have to talk about this now? Here?”

“There’s no reason to discuss it anywhere but here. I’m you. I already know the answer,” Dark Aziraphale said. He threw a meaningful glance at Crowley.

Without uncovering his face, Bright Aziraphale said, “Fine. Yes. You’re right. There. Are you satisfied now?”

But Dark Aziraphale said, “What am I right about?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Why not? Don’t you love him?”

“Yes, I love him.”

“Then tell him already!”

“I can’t.”

“That’s not true. Of course you can.”

“Eh, Dark Aziraphale,” Crowley said. “Cut it out.”

Stunned, Dark Aziraphale met his unyielding command with near-horrified shock.

Crowley hated seeing any Aziraphale look at him in that way. He held up his hands in peace. “Don’t be like that. I’m not angry. All I’m asking is that you give him a break.”

There was confusion in Dark Aziraphale’s expression. He hurried to say, “I was only trying to help.”

“I know. But you don’t gotta. You really don’t have to make him explain anything. It’s not like I’ve been sitting on my arse this past week, not listening to everything you guys have been saying. I already figured out why he gets shy a lot.”

Frightened, Bright Aziraphale curled a little inward and away from them.

That hurt to see. Crowley forced himself not to march right over to Bright Aziraphale and straighten him out. He’d hoped Bright Aziraphale might be reassured by the knowledge that Crowley already knew what his fear was. Crowley hadn’t meant to frighten anybody.

“Oh? Really? What do you mean?” Dark Aziraphale said, swinging from dreadful confusion into cautious optimism. “So you figured it out?”

“Yeah,” Crowley said. He hadn’t meant to bring it up here, but now that it had come up, Crowley didn’t see any reason to hold back. He was talented. He was a master at improvisation, almost as much as he was a master at loitering. He was confident that he could squeeze this in. “I’d be stupid not to have noticed. By the way, you have the same problem, Dark. You’re both still shy about one thing. You just don’t seem to realise it.”

Dark Aziraphale didn’t believe him, but not for a lack of trying. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’re right about that. I’m not shy. Can you explain?”

“Sure, I’ll explain. But only if you let me kiss you first.”

Dark Aziraphale’s eyes popped wide. “Now?”

“Yeah. We have an experiment going, remember?”

“But you just said what you were going to do. Doesn’t that invalidate the experiment?”

“I said I was gonna kiss you. I didn’t say how many times I was gonna kiss you.”

“Um… well, absolutely,” Dark Aziraphale said, taking on a loving smile, held his arms out. “I would love to kiss you. Anything for you, my dear!”

Crowley accepted the invitation. His thin form crawled over Dark Aziraphale’s lap, and he felt Dark Aziraphale intertwine their arms. Dark Aziraphale was the one who initiated the kiss, and Crowley welcomed it passionately. He went slowly, for now. He ran his hands down Dark Aziraphale’s clothed body, patiently pressing affection into every soft curve. Dark Aziraphale made pleased noises.

Bright Aziraphale, to the side of them, didn’t say anything.

When Crowley was sure that Dark Aziraphale’s head was swimming in as much desire as his own, he pulled back and turned his head towards the other Aziraphale. “How many kisses was that,” Crowley gladly asked him, in a rather drunken manner.

The short reply that came back was, “I really could not say.”

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale murmured, in a kiss-induced daze. “I’m not shy about anything. I’m not afraid. There’s nothing you could ask for from me that would frighten me. I’ll do anything to make you happy. I’m not hesitating. Use me however you like.”

Crowley laid his hands at the waistline of Dark Aziraphale’s trousers. He sucked the skin on Dark Aziraphale’s neck as his fingers played with the sensitive softness underneath Dark Aziraphale’s trousers and shirt.

Dark Aziraphale’s eyes fluttered weakly at the sensations. “Crowley…”

Next to them, Bright Aziraphale’s hunched body shuddered.

“I love you guys,” Crowley whispered into Dark Aziraphale’s jaw, loudly enough for everyone to hear him. His fingers detected that a tent had already begun to form against the crotch of Dark Aziraphale’s trousers, and that had a marvellous effect on the pool of lust gathering between Crowley’s legs. Crowley slowly unfastened the front of the trousers, without removing any clothes entirely. “I love you. Both of you. I’m gonna give you exactly what you want.”

“Crowley?” Dark Aziraphale’s voice was deep with arousal, and an unending desire to please. As he realised what Crowley was about to do, he let his voice be filled with approval and encouragement. “Crowley…” 

“I’m gonna make you feel so good.” Crowley began to stroke Dark Aziraphale to full hardness. 

The contact was immediately appreciated by Dark Aziraphale. He shivered at the thrill of the touch. “Ah… oh goodness…”

Crowley leaned forward to whisper lasciviously into Dark Aziraphale’s ear. “Do you like this? Do you like me stroking your thick cock like this?”

Bright Aziraphale’s broken whimper next to them was divine music to Crowley. 

“Ah…” Dark Aziraphale moaned shakily. “Yes, that’s…. very nice…” 

“Slower? Faster? I’ll give it to you however you want.”

The length in his hand jumped in interest. “Please,” Dark Aziraphale murmured, “you have it the wrong way, my dear. You needn’t be so giving. I want to give you what you want. Do you like this? Does this feel good to you?”

Crowley laughed darkly. “That’s the problem with you, angel.” 

Dark Aziraphale didn’t understand. “What do you mean, Crowley?” Despite the pleasure being inflicted on him, Dark Aziraphale was only kind and gentle, more caring about Crowley than about himself. That gentleness tore sweetly through Crowley’s soul. “Are you… talking to me? Or do you mean the other me?”

Crowley didn’t answer yet. When he was sure that Dark Aziraphale was aroused enough, he stopped and snapped his fingers. The sound of the snap was deafening. All of Crowley’s clothes disappeared. The clothes were somewhere upstairs now, or so Crowley had hastily willed them. Then Crowley snapped his fingers a second time, An accidentally excessive amount of the lubricant from the bottle upstairs was now slick on the skin of his rear. It was not a comfortable sensation by any means, and Crowley flinched at the sudden coolness of the liquid. He hadn’t remembered to warm it up first. He bit back his swear, though, and the liquid inside of him quickly warmed up to a more tolerable level.

Dark Aziraphale’s head tipped in adorable surprise at Crowley’s naked, dripping body. “Oh my.”

“You want me, angel?” Crowley angled Dark Aziraphale’s hips suggestively. “You wanna be inside me?”

“Yes.” Dark Aziraphale was all eagerness. “Yes. Please.”

“You wanna feel how good it’s gonna be when you rub your cock inside of me?”

“Yes, please, anything.”

“You wanna skewer me, make me moan for you, until you come deep inside me?”

“Yes, anything you want, take whatever you need,” Dark Aziraphale said, and it was so cute and appealing that it sent flutters through Crowley’s heart. “Use me, please.”

But then Crowley said, “You heard it just now, too, didn’t you, Bright Aziraphale? You hear the problem? I know you do.”

There still wasn’t a word from Bright Aziraphale.

“What?” Dark Aziraphale begged, “What? What is it? Crowley, what is it that you aren’t you telling me?”

Crowley looked at Dark Aziraphale with devoted, single-minded focus. “It’s real simple, angel.” He raised himself into position above Dark Aziraphale’s body. “You always wanna know what you can do for me. You never ask me,” he said, and his voice crackled with the possessive, passionate energy that he couldn’t contain, “what I can do for you.” He finally let his body down and impaled himself on Dark Aziraphale.

“Oh!” Dark Aziraphale’s head rolled back into the sofa. “Crowley!” 

Crowley didn’t wait. He refused to wait for his still-adjusting body to finish catching up with his racing, lovesick heart. He ground himself into Dark Aziraphale, focused only on giving Dark Aziraphale as much satisfaction as possible. He wanted to give Dark Aziraphale more pleasure than he could handle. Crowley dropped himself onto Dark Aziraphale in exactly the right away to take in as much of him as he could. It was a tight fit, and the force of the intrusion was a bit harsh against Crowley’s insides, but it was an ache that he cherished.

“Ah, oh, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.” Dark Aziraphale grabbed onto Crowley for dear life. 

“You think you’re worthless,” Crowley whispered fiercely as he moved, “Both of you do. That’s what you’re shy about. You think you can’t ask for anything for yourself. You think the other one matters more than you do. You don’t fucking know how much I want to do shit for both of you. Even when all I ask for is to suck you off and get fucked by you, you still don’t fucking get how hot it makes me to do shit for you, to get used by you.”

Dark Aziraphale moaned helplessly. His face was a beautiful storm of desire and vulnerability. “Crowley…” 

Bright Aziraphale couldn’t keep his body still. He couldn’t stop his soft whimpers. His shaking legs drew close to one another, self-consciously.

Crowley couldn’t stand it. He wished there was a clone of himself, so that his double could gently move those ashamed legs apart and ease his shy Bright Aziraphale into his mouth. Bright Aziraphale wouldn’t even have to stand up for it—and was Crowley really fantasizing about one Aziraphale, right now, while he was busy riding the other one? This was ridiculous. No, wait. Scratch that. This was excellent. He could use this to his advantage. “Wish you were in my mouth right now, Bright Aziraphale,” he groaned, as he continued to move his body along Dark Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale gasped.

Dark Aziraphale gasped, too. It was an awfully ragged, thrilling sound.

Crowley laughed. “Would you like that, angel? I could have both of you in me. I would take your cock so far down my throat. You could go as far down me as you want. I’d make you feel so good. Or do you want it like this? You can have me next. You can fuck me in the arse, too, just like this. You must be aching for that by now, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Bright Aziraphale whined.

“Come on, angel. Open your eyes for me.”

Bright Aziraphale’s hands dropped from his face. His eyes were assaulted with a sofa full of naked, bouncing Crowley, and instantly he covered his mouth in shock. Hearing what was going on was one thing, but seeing it was quite another.

Dark Aziraphale, somewhat uncharacteristically, wasn’t able to face Bright Aziraphale. Yet Dark Aziraphale kept on moaning softly and quietly as Crowley speared himself on him.

Crowley was relentless to both of them. “Come on,” he pressed Bright Aziraphale. “Open your trousers for me.”

It took Bright Aziraphale a moment to understand the words. He gasped, “What?” 

“Please, Aziraphale,” Crowley cooed, grounding himself hard against Dark Aziraphale and loving the decadently intimate feel of it. “I wanna see you open up for me.”

Dark Aziraphale panted heavily and closed his eyes tightly. He was overwhelmed.

Bright Aziraphale whispered, “But, why?”

Crowley grinned viciously. “As soon as this angel has had as much as he wants,” he murmured, “the other one gets his turn, too. So go on. Open up for me.”

There was a flash of disbelief and longing across Bright Aziraphale’s eyes. Swallowing down his blatant anxiety, Bright Aziraphale tried to do as Crowley asked of him. With unsteady fingers, he unfastened the clasp and zip of his trousers.

“Good,” Crowley said. “Now touch yourself. Get yourself hard for me. I wanna see you get ready to use me.”

But Bright Aziraphale wouldn’t do it. He’d gone as far as he could go. His hands curled in his lap.

“Don’t you wanna use me? Come on, think about it. What do you wanna do to me, when it’s your turn?” Crowley asked. “You wanna fuck me like this? Nice… and long… and slow…?”

Dark Aziraphale whimpered.

“Or something else?” Crowley continued. “What can I do for you? Anything you want.”

“I… I…” Bright Aziraphale grimaced as if in pain. “I have no right to answer that, Crowley,” he whispered. “I don’t deserve it. You shouldn’t be asking me that. Not me.”

“Please give this to him!” Dark Aziraphale begged Crowley, his eyes still closed. The impassioned words immediately caught Crowley’s attention. “What you’re doing to me now. Give it to him, too. He’ll love this,” Dark Aziraphale moaned, “because I love this. Oh, goodness, I love this so much. It’s so good. Oh, dear, it’s so good and marvellous. He should get this, too.”

Crowley said, “To be fair to him?”

Dark Aziraphale nodded frantically, “Yes, please.”

“Because he deserves it?”

“Yes!”

“Because he matters?”

“Yes!”

“More than you?”

Startled, Dark Aziraphale shook his head. “No! No… no…” 

“Because he’s the real one?” Crowley growled, already knowing the answer.

Dark Aziraphale grimaced, and there was real pain underneath his euphoric expression. “No, I don’t know… Ah, I don’t know… maybe…” 

It would only take a snap of the fingers, Crowley thought to himself. 

With nothing more than a snap, Crowley could effortlessly overpower all their doubts. He could clear their minds and make them see how worthy and valuable they both were. He could pump love into their hearts until they felt as much adoration for themselves as Crowley did. With nothing more than a snap, Crowley could flood their corporations with fulfilment and pleasure. He could make them come, long and satisfyingly. It would be very simple for him to do it. Either the Aziraphales trusted Crowley a great deal, or they simply hadn’t thought of it yet, but the great power discrepancy between them and Crowley meant that they ought to be more afraid of what Crowley was capable of doing to them.

But he would never treat the Aziraphales like that. The only way to finally end their doubts was to help them work through them. Crowley was okay with that. He was willing to work for it. He loved them so much. He would help them see how special and wonderful they both were.

“Tell me what your worst fantasies are, Aziraphale,” he murmured to Dark Aziraphale, who whimpered needfully underneath him. “Be selfish with me. Tell me the most shameful thoughts you’ve ever had of me. Tell me what outrageous things you want us to do together. I wanna make all of them happen. Tell me. Please. I don’t care how selfish you think it is. You’re worth it to me. Come on, tell me one thing you wanna do to me. Just one. I just want one. Please, just one. That’s all I’m asking for.”

Dark Aziraphale wasn’t going to last much longer. “I can’t.”

“One selfish thing, please,” Crowley begged. “Something just for you. It can be anything. Something that I can give you so you can see how much you matter to me. I won’t ask you why. Just tell me one thing. One over-the-top fantasy that’s just for your sake. It doesn’t have to be for right now. We’ll save it for later. Not something you think I want, but something you want. I know you thought of something. Please. Tell me what it is. I want you to have it. Wanna give it to you so bad.”

“One fantasy?”

“Yes,” Crowley groaned eagerly, “yes, please!”

Quickly, but not so quickly as to escape Crowley’s notice, Dark Aziraphale’s gaze flicked down at Crowley’s lower body, where Crowley was boldly sporting a very enthusiastic hard-on. “I-want-to-deny-you-release!” Dark Aziraphale confessed hastily, pushing the words out before he could regret it. But he did regret it, immediately. He shook his head. “Ah, no, I’m sorry, never mind, Crowley, I didn’t mean it—!”

“Oh…” Crowley cut him off. “Oh, that’s a good one, angel,” he said, punctuating his words with the force of his downward thrusts. Dark Aziraphale was helpless to them, which was excellent. He wanted Dark Aziraphale to be helpless to them. He wanted Dark Aziraphale to feel just how happy Crowley was to have received a selfish request from Dark Aziraphale. “Just imagine it. I’d be heavy and aching, you’d be stroking me off, getting me just close enough, making me beg for it, but never letting me get all the way there. I’d let you do it to me, too, because you’re worth it. You could torment me and make me feel unbearably good, making me want it so bad, making me love it. Then I could suck your pretty cock while I grip myself too tightly at the base, so I couldn’t come even if I wanted to, not until you said I could—”

Dark Aziraphale’s whole body convulsed, and let go. Crowley was treated to the glorious sensation of being filled with Dark Aziraphale’s discharge. “Oh, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale croaked. There were notes of disbelief and gratitude on the surface of his euphoric moans. “Crowley.” 

“It’s okay, angel,” Crowley said, his heart brimming with adoration and devotion to see his beloved so happy. “Take it easy.” He coaxed Dark Aziraphale through his release.

But a demon’s work was never done. “Crowley, please,” Bright Aziraphale whispered. “Please. I can’t take this anymore. I want you so much. Please.”

“One sec’, angel, almost done.” Crowley stayed where he was, until Dark Aziraphale’s body had settled into a more peaceful state. “Sorry, can’t stay,” Crowley said to Dark Aziraphale. “Duty calls. Just relax and enjoy the show.” Then he snapped his fingers. His body was magically transported from the lap of Dark Aziraphale to the lap of Bright Aziraphale. “Your turn,” he said, and then he took Bright Aziraphale’s neglected, leaking length into his body.

Overwhelmed with relief and pleasure, Bright Aziraphale moaned loudly. “Oh, Crowley!” He quickly held onto Crowley’s body. “Oh!”

“That’s my name,” Crowley said proudly. He gave this Aziraphale the same devoted treatment with his gyrating hips. He did his best to satisfy Bright Aziraphale as fully as possible. He was determined to bring him pleasure. “Hm, you’ve been aching for a while, haven’t you?”

“Yes, Crowley… oh goodness… ah, oh dear…”

“It’s good, right?”

“Very good!” Bright Aziraphale said eagerly. “Oh, very, very good. You feel very good!”

Crowley was honoured. “It’s your turn, angel. You tell me something you want from me. It’s gotta be something crazy selfish. Something just for you. It can be anything. It can be only one thing. One little, itty, bitty thing. Something special, for me to give you later. A present, just for you.”

With a face made tight with ecstasy, Bright Aziraphale admitted, “My thing is taken!”

Crowley snorted with fond amusement. That remark put Dark Aziraphale’s fantasy at the very top of his to-do list. He mentally circled it with a red pen. “I bet you liked hearing me talk about it to him, too,” he murmured. 

Bright Aziraphale winced guiltily. “Yes,” he said.

“Well, I hope you’ve got more than one fantasy of me.”

“I want you to…” Bright Aziraphale trailed off and looked to the side. “Ah, never mind…” 

Crowley moved his body more quickly, demanding Bright Aziraphale’s attention back to him.

His reward was a beautiful series of short, soft whimpers. “I-want-you-to-miracle-me-aroused,” Bright Aziraphale blurted out. “There. I said it! That’s my second choice!” he whispered furiously, sounding very guilty and uncertain with himself.

“Eh?” Crowley was very pleasantly astonished. He hadn’t expected that at all.

The exhausted Dark Aziraphale reclining to the side of them admitted quietly, “That was my second choice, too.”

Crowley raised his eyebrows. A wide grin grew on his face. He was impressed. He hadn’t given the Aziraphales enough credit. They were as aware as he was of the power discrepancy between them. Apparently, it was fantasy fodder for them. That thought was powerfully arousing to Crowley, and it made him groan wickedly.

Bright Aziraphale might have misunderstood the meaning of that noise. He managed to ask, with a wonderfully debauched voice, “Is that all right?”

“How do you want me to do it?” Crowley asked. His tone was eager and nigh-desperate. “Want it to be a surprise? Or you wanna ask for it? I can do it while you’re—” Don’t say in the Bentley. Don’t say in the Bentley. They’ll never get in the car with him again if he said that. “In bed. I could work my magic on you. I wouldn’t even need to touch you. I could snap my fingers, and it would feel like you’d been hard for hours. But I wouldn’t leave you denied. I’d give you everything you need, because you deserve it, angel. I want you to feel so good. I want to give you things. I’d snap my fingers again, and then it would feel like you were being stroked all over, in all the right places. You’d feel bloody good everywhere, and you would know that it’s me who’s doing it to you. And when you came, I'd make you come for such a long time, and then I’d make you hard again and do the whole thing all over to you, just because I could.”

“Dear me,” Bright Aziraphale whispered one last time, and then his body gave out. Crowley’s body savoured this second release as much as the first. He shuddered and cried out Crowley’s name, just as Dark Aziraphale had. Crowley rode him until the very end. Crowley’s experiences of the two of them were so much the same that it felt like he had just had relations with the same person twice, rather than with two different people.

Finally, there was only one person left to deal with. Crowley stroked himself. He knew it would only take a couple of strokes for him to come undone. He was ablaze with need. “Aziraphale,” he moaned with desire, meaning Bright Aziraphale. “Aziraphale.” he moaned, meaning Dark Aziraphale.

It was a bit vague, but the Aziraphales seemed to get the gist. They watched him intently.

“You always thought you were worthless, didn’t you,” Crowley raved. “Before the clone thing. All that mattered about you was that you were the East Gate angel. That’s what you thought, wasn’t it? You had no idea how worthwhile you were. How worthy you were. How much people liked you. How much I liked you. I liked you so much. I didn’t care that you were an angel or Principality or whatever. I just liked being with you. I liked you so fucking much. You’re worth everything to me—” He lost it. He came into his hand to the images of long-ago memories of the ancient Aziraphale, standing next to him, smiling. Distant, but endearing and sweet. Then Crowley collapsed against Bright Aziraphale.

He felt himself be taken into a steadying embrace. The feel of Bright Aziraphale’s sweet arms around him was lovely. The embrace was so soothing and perfect that Crowley could have slept in it. It made Crowley feel good, adored, and relieved. The days of Aziraphale being beyond Crowley’s reach were finally over. Bright Aziraphale chanted reassuringly to him, “I love you, Crowley. Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

Dark Aziraphale came over to him, held him by the arm, and showered his neck with kisses. “I love you, Crowley. Thank you. I think I needed to hear that.”

“I think we both needed to hear that,” Bright Aziraphale said. 

“Sure thing.” Crowley was intensely gratified. He was turning out to be a very good lover to the cute Aziraphales.

“On the other hand—” they both began to say, and they shared very pleased glances. A sort of secret communication passed between their eyes, as if they really did have some kind of telepathy.

Crowley blinked. There was a sinking, sickeningly-sweet feeling in his stomach.

“On the other hand, I seem to recall knowing one mischievous demon,” Bright Aziraphale said idly, and a warning bell went off in Crowley’s head, “who never knew how worthwhile he was, either.”

“I never told him enough how much I enjoyed his company,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Perhaps it’s about time I made it clear how valuable he is to me.”

“He’s always going out of his way to do things for me,” Bright Aziraphale said, and it was amazing how the Aziraphales were seeming to draw strength from each other. “I heard that he wants me to ask him to do things for me.”

“Yes, I’ve heard he likes to be useful. I have just the thing in mind to ask him to do. It’s something I’ve always wanted him to do for me.”

“But this will require planning. I’m very slow-going about these things. I’ll need to give it some thought.”

“Yes, I ought to talk it over with myself first. Iron out the details.”

“Yes, that’s a splendid idea! I’ll do that at the bookshop.”

“Yes, at the bookshop!” The answering nod that Dark Aziraphale gave was strict and scientific, but there were tiny delighted smirks on both of their faces that gave them away horribly. “The bookshop has always been the perfect place for me to talk things over with myself.”

Crowley was thrilled and proud beyond words.

This was why, on the next day, Crowley didn’t dream of keeping the Aziraphales over at his flat. He gladly let the Aziraphales return to the bookshop for the day. He even drove them home, and beamed as he all but pushed them into their bookshop and then scurried away.


	7. Day 9-10

The Aziraphales kept Crowley in suspense for two days. Naturally, they had practically declared to Crowley that they were planning something, but neither of them went about it with great urgency. If Crowley didn’t know better, he would have thought that they were aware of the kind of exhilarating effect that the delay was having on Crowley.

On the morning of day nine—a mere hour and a half before Crowley shoved them on home so that they could collude on whatever it is they were going to ask Crowley to do for them—Crowley woke up to find that he had woken up before the other two. He was laying stark naked in between Aziraphales who were in their white underwear. Leave it to Aziraphale to still wear a white undershirt in this day and age, whether he was a Heavenly angel or not.

Crowley couldn’t believe how adorable the two of them were. He crawled over to the sleeping Dark Aziraphale, who was lying on his stomach and clutching his pillow. Crowley readjusted the flowers by the two curly horns. He whispered in a sing-song tone of voice, “Aziraphale.”

Dark Aziraphale’s brow furrowed at the sound of his name.

“Aziraphale.”

Slowly, Dark Aziraphale opened his eyes. “Crowley?”

“Do you remember what we did last night?” Crowley asked softly.

Dark Aziraphale was not quite awake enough to understand. “What…?”

“We cuddled,” Crowley said. “There was lots of cuddling. We were cuddling. Your words. Not mine.”

“Yes… yes. I remember.”

“I remember how much you liked it. B liked it, too, but you liked it a lot. You made the grave mistake of asking me for even more cuddling. Do you remember what I told you?”

His eyes widening into wakefulness, Dark Aziraphale remembered enough to be suddenly shy about it. “Um… yes.”

“What did I tell you?”

“You said…” A sheepish simper rose to Dark Aziraphale’s drowsy face. “You said that you would cuddle me so much that you would never let me leave.”

“That’s right!” Crowley jumped onto Dark Aziraphale and hugged him.

“Crowley!” Dark Aziraphale exclaimed, laughing. “Crowley, please.”

“You’re trapped here, now,” Crowley said with deadly seriousness. “You get to spend the rest of time being cuddled by me.”

“Crowley!” The laughs shaking the chest underneath Crowley’s head were cute and endearing. “I didn’t think you meant it! I certainly won’t hold you to it. You can get off of me.”

Petulantly, Crowley made his arms excessively rigid around Dark Aziraphale, daring him to try and shake Crowley off. “Why don’t you make me?”

The bravado took Dark Aziraphale by surprise. He laughed spontaneously again. “Oh, my dear!” There were limitless rivers of fondness flowing from his forever angelic voice. “Please. I appreciate the gesture, and this is really very kind of you, but—”

“Not kind of me. Selfish. I want to do this,” Crowley said.

Dark Aziraphale hesitated. “Ah… truly?”

Crowley relaxed his body again. He wanted to be like a soothing blanket for Dark Aziraphale, not like a cage. “Want to make you happy,” he murmured. “Just for a little while. ‘Kay?”

Dark Aziraphale was deeply moved. “I see. In that case… thank you. Thank you very much.”

Crowley let himself revel in the lovesick emotions that were flooding over him. “You like this? This is nice?”

“The nicest,” Dark Aziraphale said decisively, and Crowley found that he agreed with him.

On the other side of the bed, Bright Aziraphale sluggishly came to consciousness. He rubbed his eyes, and stopped when he saw the sentimental interaction happening between the other two.

“Morning,” Crowley said to him casually, not bothering to raise his head to do so.

“Good morning,” Dark Aziraphale said happily.

“Um… yes. Good morning?” Bright Aziraphale said.

Crowley couldn’t get a good read on his mood. It seemed nothing more than mildly curious. He wondered if Bright Aziraphale might be envious of the attention being shown to his double. Crowley said to him, “Did you want—?”

“Crowley, I always like it when you touch me on the neck, I think,” Bright Aziraphale said brightly, and very much out of nowhere. He tapped his chin in a show of mild curiosity. “Hm, I wonder if the same thing is true for the other me. Do you suppose he likes to be touched on the neck, too, Crowley? I never really asked him.”

Dark Aziraphale stared at Bright Aziraphale with wide, disbelieving eyes.

For a moment, Crowley didn’t react. Then, he got the message, and reacted. He inched up Dark Aziraphale’s prone body and gently slid one palm up to the back of Dark Aziraphale’s bare neck, lightly caressing the skin with loving circles.

Dark Aziraphale stiffened at first at the touch, but it was only for a second. “Ah,” he gasped. “My dear.” The rigidity of his neck swiftly melted like butter under Crowley’s palm.

“Feels good, angel?” Crowley asked. He felt wonderfully innocent and dirty all at once.

“Yes.” Dark Aziraphale breathed with his lips parted. “That feels good.”

That wasn’t enough for Crowley, though. Now that he had a taste, he needed to see more. He rubbed his greedy thumb and forefinger into the muscles of the neck, massaging it.

“Ah…” There was a startled, staggered sigh from Dark Aziraphale. “Ah, my dear…” The sensations that Crowley was inflicting on his neck seemed to spread through him, because his entire upper body slumped. “That’s very nice...”

Hot possessiveness rushed through Crowley. With his other hand, Crowley nonchalantly rested his fingers over Dark Aziraphale’s bare arm, merely because that arm was his to cherish, and he felt like showing it. Dark Aziraphale was his to take care of.

“Oh, so it is the same between us!” Bright Aziraphale exclaimed. “That is wonderful.”

Dark Aziraphale was quite overwhelmed. He seemed to be on the verge of complaining to Bright Aziraphale. However, he must have been too distracted from it by Crowley’s touches. He simply laid where he was and did not make any complaints.

“Just the neck?” Crowley asked smoothly.

“Oh, dear me, no,” Bright Aziraphale replied, in a politely eager way. He was trying to sound helpful and oblivious. However, he wasn’t hiding any of his true thoughts with that outrageously wry face of his. “I like to be touched by you in lots of places. The wrists, for instance.”

Crowley hummed with interest. 

“That’s quite all right,” Dark Aziraphale said, not knowing yet that he was speaking in vain. “You touching my neck is very nice, Crowley. You don’t have to do any more than that—”

The fingers lazily resting on one of Dark Aziraphale’s arm climbed further along the arm to the wrist. Crowley stilled the hand on Dark Aziraphale’s neck without removing it, so that he could better focus on softly stroking the underside of the wrist.

The wrist shivered at the press of his fingertips. “Ah. That feels very nice. Crowley…” Dark Aziraphale’s voice was ragged with emotion.

Crowley couldn’t handle how in love he was right now. “Need something?”

Dark Aziraphale whispered to him. “When you’re on me like this… touching me like this… I feel so safe.”

A streak of white lightning crossed through every chamber of Crowley’s heart. “You’re safe with me,” he whispered back. “Nothing can touch you while I’m here. I’ll protect you.”

Dark Aziraphale believed him. Crowley’s perfect flower-headed, horn-headed angel was completely at ease underneath him. It made Crowley unbearably happy. Dark Aziraphale could rest as much as he wished. Crowley would look after him. All Crowley had ever wanted to do was look after him.

There was something odd about all of this, though. Normally, Crowley felt incomplete when he was intimate with only Dark Aziraphale. But he didn’t feel incomplete now. He glanced back at his other beloved.

Bright Aziraphale was watching them with sleepy contentment, his head resting in his folded arms. When he noticed Crowley’s gaze, he smiled serenely and made a swirling gesture with his finger, indicating for Crowley to ignore Bright Aziraphale for the present and focus instead on attending to the vulnerable Aziraphale in his hands.

That confused Crowley. Nevertheless, it wasn’t a bad kind of confusion, so he did as he was bidden. 

It was some time before anyone got out of bed.

After a round of bacon and eggs at some nearby place, Crowley dropped the two Aziraphales off at the bookshop. Then he spent the next several hours by himself prowling around the city, alternating between doing good deeds and making trouble. It wasn’t because he had to do those kinds of things anymore. He did it for fun. More importantly, he did it because it was a familiar thing to do. He needed to do something familiar and routine to get his mind off of how much he wanted to keep holding Dark Aziraphale.

* * *

When Crowley met his two Aziraphales at the bookshop later that day, they plied him with their most adorable pouts and whined about how it had been too long since they had all fed the ducks. Crowley immediately asked them if they wanted to take a stroll to the park and feed the ducks. They smiled at him as if pleasantly surprised and said that it was a marvellous idea. It almost irritated him how genuinely pleased he was by their delighted reactions.

Dark Aziraphale held his hand all the way. The touch was nice and comforting. Crowley clutched that hand jealousy. He even dared to stroke his thumb across Dark Aziraphale’s wrist every once in a while, a move which Dark Aziraphale seemed to appreciate immensely. The other Aziraphale remained physically distant, however. Even after the Aziraphales had fed the ducks and the three of them sat on their favourite bench, the only hand on Crowley was that of Dark Aziraphale. 

Bright Aziraphale merely smiled sweetly, abstractly, as if singing a lovely song to himself in his head. 

Crowley snorted. Bright Aziraphale still had a lot to learn about what it meant to be in a mutual relationship. Crowley scooted closer to him, and carefully clasped their fingers.

Bright Aziraphale favoured him with loving, understanding eyes—and pushed him away, back into Dark Aziraphale’s arms.

It was a sharp blow to Crowley. He stared in stunned dismay.

But his alarm didn’t last long in the face of Bright Aziraphale’s infinite affection. “Don’t you worry about me, my dear,” he calmly reassured him. “I can feel everything I need to from here.” 

That cryptic explanation meant zilch to Crowley. “What?” he said. “What are you talking about?”

Bright Aziraphale didn’t answer him. “Don’t mind me,” he said. “I am having a splendid time from here. You really ought to stay close to the one who needs you more.”

Dark Aziraphale hugged Crowley firmly around the chest.

It was a shot of warmth and love through his veins. Crowley spun his head, and said, “Hey, we’re in broad daylight, you know. Isn’t this one of those PDA things that everybody hates?”

“What things, dear?” Dark Aziraphale asked, not understanding.

Crowley huffed as loudly as he could. Being the cool demon that he was, he knew that he was supposed to tell Dark Aziraphale to save it for when they were home. When he opened his lips to say the words, however, only unintelligible rubbish came out of him. He didn’t want to tell Dark Aziraphale to stop, not when the contact felt so sweet, and not when there was so much joy in Dark Aziraphale’s embrace. He couldn’t think straight. “What’s going on with you, B?” he said instead, to Bright Aziraphale. “You’re avoiding me, aren’t you? What do you mean, he needs me more?”

But Bright Aziraphale once more answered him by not answering him. “I am glad that my involvement hasn’t changed the closeness between the two of you, my dear. Do not misunderstand, Crowley, I love you very much as well. I am very glad to know that I can be close to you as well. However, I have rather enjoyed watching you two so far, and I have no wish to give it up now. Since you already are well aware of how much I enjoy watching, there’s no reason for me to hide it.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “You’re saying you’re getting off on watching us?”

“Goodness, no,” Bright Aziraphale laughed. “What a salacious mind you have, Crowley. I am getting a lot out of this, though, I assure you. I should think it would be enough for me to be enjoying that charming look on your face. You are pleased to pay him extra attention, aren’t you?”

Despite all of the powers of his silver tongue, Crowley couldn’t pick out an argument against that. He did like making Dark Aziraphale happy like this.

“Actually, I do believe this is a vast improvement over how it was before,” Bright Aziraphale said. “You were holding yourself back with him because of my presence, weren’t you? I guessed that you might be. Well, you don't need to confirm it. I was aware that you were trying to be considerate, however misplaced it was. Things are much better this way.” He cheerfully clapped his hands together. “You can be as free with Dark Aziraphale as you like, and there need be no concern about my feelings on the matter.”

Crowley thought about it. The ordeal of their brief second Arrangement had not exactly put Crowley in the best position to comfort the newly Fallen Aziraphale. He had denied himself the luxury of giving Dark Aziraphale too much physical affection, out of consideration for Bright Aziraphale. The more Crowley thought about it, the more he saw things from Bright Aziraphale’s point of view. “I guess you’re right about that.” A dangerous streak flashed through him once again. He wiggled out of Dark Aziraphale’s hug and faced him.

Dark Aziraphale was calmly suspicious. “Yes?”

“Oh, nothing,” Crowley said. He slouched against the bench. “What do you think of the ducks today? There are some baby ducks right there, aren’t there?”

Dark Aziraphale looked at the ducks and lit up with glee. “Ah!” he squealed affectionately. “Oh my goodness! They are so adorable—!”

With the full weight of his hand, Crowley stroked the back of Dark Aziraphale’s neck, underneath the collar.

There was a shudder. Dark Aziraphale squealed a second time, more quietly, but not quietly enough to go unheard.

“Is this good?” Crowley asked.

“Yes,” Dark Aziraphale answered, breathlessly. “Very…” 

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. It’s very good…” 

“Don’t let me stop you, though,” Crowley said, continuing to stroke tenderly. “You said you like the baby ducks, angel?”

“Yes…”

“Don’t you like all the animals, though?” Crowley prodded. He was reminded of the things that Warlock had told him, long ago, about what the gardener had said about loving all of the creatures on Earth. “Or do you like the baby ones most of all?”

“I…” The tension in the smooth neck underneath his palm relaxed considerably. “I like the babies.”

“Why? ‘Cause they’re small?”

“Only you would ask what makes a baby cute, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said, but it was a mere mockery of his usual banter. He was too affected by Crowley’s touch to deliver the comeback with any real strength.

Crowley smirked viciously. “Hey, angel,” he said, to Bright Aziraphale, “what do you like about the baby ducks?”

Cruel understanding dawn on Dark Aziraphale. “Oh dear,” he whispered to himself.

Bright Aziraphale was triumphant. “Ha! Scary, isn’t it?” he said. “The foot’s on the other shoe now, Dark Aziraphale.”

“The shoe’s on the other foot,” Crowley corrected.

“Yes, exactly,” Bright Aziraphale said without losing any steam. “Let me tell you what I adore so much about the baby ducks, Crowley. All of the animals are beautiful, but it’s the babies and their mothers that love each other the most. It is amazing to see how well the mothers take care of their young ones. It is such a nice thing to witness. The children feel safe and cared for, and the mothers are glad to give their children those feelings. There is so much love between them. It is very adorable and nice.”

Crowley liked the gist of that. “Sounds like they’re onto something,” he remarked. He rolled his head in Dark Aziraphale’s direction. Deliberately, he stroked his fingers deeper, up into the bottom of Dark Aziraphale’s curly hair.

“I am not a baby duck,” Dark Aziraphale murmured.

“Nah, definitely not a duck,” Crowley said. “You’re much, much cuter than a duck. You’re my pretty angel.”

Dark Aziraphale bit his lip.

Grinning madly, Crowley stroked his neck up and down, going as far down as to dip into the back of the shirt. “You know what you should do? You should lie back on my arm. That’d be stellar.”

Dark Aziraphale whined, “Crowley… I’m not a duck…”

“Didn’t say you were. Anyway, I could wrap my arm around you. You could lie next to me, and let me hold onto you. You’d be safe with me. Would you like that, angel?”

For a few seconds, Dark Aziraphale managed to hold himself in. Then he burst out into a childish giggle. “Yes… yes, please.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Crowley praised, and Dark Aziraphale was positively giddy. “Come here.”

Dark Aziraphale happily cuddled against his side and relaxed against him.

Crowley wrapped an arm around him. This was more like it.

Bright Aziraphale, wisely remaining silent, was blissful as he watched the waddle of the ducks.

The ninth day continued and ultimately ended in much this way. Crowley did not make love to either of the Aziraphales on that day. Instead, he devoted himself to giving Dark Aziraphale the comfort that he hadn’t been able to give him on the first day. The truth was, he wanted it, too. He wanted to take care of Dark Aziraphale. He wanted to spoil the angel who had suffered because of him. If Bright Aziraphale was weirdly content to sit back and say nothing, then Crowley was secretly grateful for it.

* * *

It took until the middle of day ten—a day that would soon prove to be exceptionally taxing—when Crowley finally put two and two together. He’d been turning things over in his mind for a while, but it wasn’t until he thought more about the ducks that insight came to him.

“Oh,” he said aloud.

The Aziraphales stopped in the middle of their animated discussion to turn in unison to him. 

The three of them were at the bookshop. He’d been sitting on a full cardboard box, watching the two of them fuss over the excess of books in the would-be bedroom above the bookshop. They’d been hoping to make some space up there, but it was easier said than done. All of their books were precious to them, and they were loathe to part with a single volume.

Crowley wasn’t sure they would make any progress unless he stayed nearby and silently encouraged them from his perch on his box. He had assured them that he’d find another safe place to store their books. It’s not as if the bookshop was the most secure place for them, anyway. History had proven that the bookshop was no safe haven—he didn’t mention that.

“Oh,” Crowley said again. “I got it.”

“What is it, Crowley?” Dark Aziraphale asked. “Do you know which of the editions we should hold onto?”

Crowley hadn’t been listening to their book talk at all. “I was thinking about the ducks again,” he said. “What you said about liking the mother ducks and the kid ducks.”

Bright Aziraphale asked kindly, “What about them?”

“You like them because you sense their love,” Crowley said. “Or used to,” he added. “Right?”

The suggestion made Dark Aziraphale a little shy.

“That’s a part of it, yes,” Bright Aziraphale said.

Crowley said, “That’s what you meant when you said you could feel everything from where you were, B. You were sensing D’s love for me, and you were appreciating it. Weren’t you?”

Dark Aziraphale and Bright Aziraphale shared very unsettled glances.

“Hey, don’t take it so badly,” Crowley said breezily. “I wouldn’t have guessed you could feel love from him. You can’t feel love from demons. But I guess it makes sense. You are the same person. Maybe that’s a special exception.”

“That's not true,” Dark Aziraphale said suddenly.

Bright Aziraphale glared furiously at Dark Aziraphale. “Shut it!”

But Dark Aziraphale shook his head. Regret and sadness did not belong on his cute features, and yet there they were. “How can you not have realised it by now, Crowley?”

“Aziraphale, watch it,” Bright Aziraphale hastily warned his double. “You should think more carefully about what you’re saying. Think very carefully.”

“He’s so quick, usually,” Dark Aziraphale said. “If he hasn’t figured it out by now, it can only mean he will never figure it out.”

“That’s precisely why we shouldn’t—!” Bright Aziraphale’s grimace turned painful. He seemed incredibly doubtful of the right thing to do. He stole furtive glances at Crowley. “No, this isn’t going to do anyone any good,” he said with a definiteness that was forced. “This will only hurt him. We shouldn't mention it.”

Crowley’s snapped his fingers them with a jerk.

The door to the room closed itself, and the lock turned in the door.

The Aziraphales were shocked into abrupt silence by it.

“You can leave whenever you want,” Crowley said. “I could never lock you in anywhere. All you gotta do is ask. Just say, ‘Crowley, open the door’ and I’ll let you go. Or you can quit leaving me in the dark, and just tell me what this is all about.”

Bright Aziraphale tried to be placating. “Crowley, please don’t be upset.”

“I’m not upset. I must have missed something big, though, for you two to be acting like this right now.” Then he added, more softly, "I just shut the door to be dramatic. Thought it would get your attention, B."

Bright Aziraphale grimaced apologetically at him.

Dark Aziraphale was sympathetic to Crowley. He said, “It’s nothing bad.”

“It’s very bad,” Bright Aziraphale said. He held his arm anxiously, and his face fell down to his feet. “I’m very sorry, Crowley. I’m so sorry.” 

Dark Aziraphale went on bravely, ignoring the quiet agony of the Aziraphale next to him. “I’ve told you before that angels can sense all the love in the world.” He paused, and frowned a bit. He waited for Crowley to respond.

“What about it?” Crowley said. 

“Not merely the love from ducks,” Dark Aziraphale continued. He spoke with great care and caution. “The love of all feeling creatures. The love between family and close friends.”

“Get to the point, angel.”

Dark Aziraphale bristled at the use of that name, and Crowley felt himself sharply regret using it at a time like this. “My point is, there is no love on this planet that I could not sense, when I was close to it.”

But Crowley could tell where this was going. It wasn’t as if this was a line of thought that he hadn’t walked down before. “If you’re about to say what I think you’re gonna say, you’re wrong.”

Dark Aziraphale hesitated. “How am I wrong?”

“Are you going to say that you can feel love from angels and demons, too?” Crowley said. “Because you can’t. I’ve thought of that. Angels can’t do that. Angels are made of love, or so I’ve heard. And I remember. I never sensed anything from anybody, back when I was still chilling out in Heaven. I never sensed love from other angels. So, you’re wrong.”

The Aziraphales didn’t say anything.

“And there’s another reason you’re wrong, too,” he said. “If you could sense love from demons, then that would mean you’ve been sensing love from me for thousands of years and never told me. I seriously doubt you would have put up with that and not said a word about it.”

Again, the Aziraphales didn’t say anything.

Suddenly very alarmed and panicky, Crowley shot up. “What? You did?”

Guilt was written all over Bright Aziraphale’s face. “I did.”

Crowley stared open-mouthed at him. He was horrified. The consequences of this were far-reaching. He had always assumed that Aziraphale would have mentioned it, if he had sensed anything from Crowley. But he hadn't. Crowley had been making a fool of himself in front of Aziraphale, and not realising it. 

“Crowley, wait, don’t be upset,” Bright Aziraphale said. “You’re overreacting.”

Crowley had sat at dinners with Aziraphale, playing it cool with his suave words and smirks while the overwhelming love in his heart gave him away completely as the lovelorn demon that he was. “I’m pretty sure I’m reacting just the right amount!” Crowley was very stressed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was afraid to.”

Crowley snorted. Typical Aziraphale.

“No, listen to me,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I was afraid you would act differently around me if I told you that I could sense you. When I realised that you didn’t know that I could sense your friendship—back when it was only friendship—I decided I wouldn’t mention it. I thought it would embarrass you, or worse, you would stop being my friend or avoid me altogether. It’s not as if you can do anything about how you feel, and I cannot stop sensing it. Pointing it out would have done nothing more than make you uncomfortable.”

“So I’ve been humiliating myself all this time,” Crowley said. The other angels must have pegged the weakness in him, too. Crowley was probably a laughing stock in Heaven.

“No!” Bright Aziraphale said, sounding a little irritated. “No, that’s not true. Love is never humiliating. You see, this is precisely why I didn’t want to mention this! I knew it might upset you.” He sighed. "I'm sorry, Crowley. I wish you wouldn't feel humiliated by it. I was afraid of that."

At least Crowley understood now why Bright Aziraphale had hidden this from him. "How much can you sense out of me?”

“Not as much as you imagine,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Only about as much as one can sense from the expression on one’s face.”

“But, did you not wish for me to know your feelings?” Dark Aziraphale asked. He was genuinely curious. “If you didn’t want me to know how you felt about me, you did a bad job hiding it in every other respect.” 

“That’s not the point,” Crowley groaned out. “I… I dunno, give me a minute…”

“You showed your feelings in the way you spoke, in the way we argued,” Dark Aziraphale added. “Even if I was too much of an angel to rely on looking for love in those details, at the time, they were clear enough. I always assumed that you meant for your feelings to be obvious. Was I wrong? Were your feelings meant to be a secret?”

Of course, Crowley had always worn his feelings on his sleeve. That didn't change how upsetting this was. “You don’t get it, angel!”

Dark Aziraphale said, “Oh, my dear, what’s the matter?”

But Bright Aziraphale whispered to him, "You already know what the matter is. We've always known he'd feel this way. He's ashamed."

“You're bloody right I am! You keep talking about my feelings, my feelings, my feelings,” Crowley chanted, miserably. “You keep saying those words. You talk about almost like it’s something I ought to be proud of. But it makes me wanna crawl in a hole.”

“Crowley!” Bright Aziraphale exclaimed. “Don't be ashamed. You should be proud of your feelings!”

“Quit saying that.” There was nothing to be proud of. Until now, Crowley had prided himself on his style. He’d worked on the polished way that he had presented himself to Aziraphale. He’d wanted to charm Aziraphale. He’d wanted Aziraphale to think that Crowley was the most enchanting and captivating person in the world. That had been so important to Crowley. But the whole time, any effort to charm Aziraphale had been pointless. Aziraphale had known him for exactly what he really was. Crowley felt like a loser.

Bright Aizraphale took a step towards him. “I’m sorry that I kept this from you. I understand if you are upset with me. But the truth is that there's nothing for you to feel bad about. If it’s any consolation, my sense is strictly limited to the different forms of love.”

Crowley retreated back a step. “Different forms?” he repeated, even more horrified.

Bright Aziraphale stopped where he was. He stood his ground. “Yes. Nice things. Anything pure related to love. Your friendship, your concern… ”

Crowley groaned loudly to the ceiling. This was depressing beyond comprehension. He must seem like such a sap. The other angels were undoubtedly laughing at him in Heaven.

Bright Aziraphale said gently, "Please, Crowley. How can I convince you that love is beautiful?" 

Dark Aziraphale stepped forward, however, with a great burst of energy. He exclaimed heatedly, “I wish that you wouldn’t take it this way, Crowley! So you're ashamed of seeming nice, are you? That's preposterous. You may not think highly of your feelings, but they are very precious to me! Please, do not treat this as if it were a curse. You’ll offend me, if you do!” He wagged his finger. “I’ll have you know, it was very hard for me to give up sensing your love! Very, very hard! I treasured it very much!”

That gave Crowley pause.

“Do you know that feeling,” Dark Aziraphale said, “when you first see the happy face of a loved one after a long parting? For example—and correct me if I’m mistaken about this—but for example, consider when the two of us arrive at your flat. It’s been hours since we last met, and I presume that you’ve missed us as we have missed you. When you come down to the door to welcome us in, I see that happy expression on your face. It’s tender, and excited, and very nice. That feeling that you have when you first see us, and you see that we’ve come home… that’s how I can best describe the feeling I had whenever I could sense your love.”

Crowley wasn’t sure what to say about that. It didn’t sound so bad or embarrassing, when Dark Aziraphale put it like that. It almost sounded good. 

Bright Aziraphale said, “When you hold Dark Aziraphale, that makes me very happy, Crowley. Not because I sense his love. I don’t. It’s because I sense yours. Your love burns so brightly when you dote on him.”

Crowley whined at the description. “Dote? Really?”

“Yes, dote!”

Crowley tried not to think about the other angels sensing his desire to dote on Aziraphale. “If angels can sense angel love, then why did I never sense any? In Heaven? From your lot? I should have sensed it back then.”

Amazingly, Bright Aziraphale laughed. “What? Oh, please! There isn’t a loving one among them. Being made of love is nothing at all like having it. They wouldn’t know a nice thought if it bit them in the tush.”

"Uh… really?" A smirk shoved itself on Crowley’s face. In his anxiety, he had forgotten how inept and unlikeable the other angels were. They weren't worth impressing. He was starting to feel less like crawling into a hole. “Are you the only angel who can sense that stuff, Aziraphale?” Crowley could let himself hope.

“No,” Bright Aziraphale said simply. “Every angel can sense love.”

Damn. So much for that hope.

“You didn’t know it at the time, but the ability for angels to sense love could have even been a problem when we switched bodies,” Dark Aziraphale added. “But there was a reason I knew it wouldn’t be. It is fortunate that your love and my love are the same.”

Everything came to a halt in Crowley’s head. The locomotive of anxious thoughts barrelling through his mind had hit a roadblock and flipped off the track and onto its side. He forgot all about his concern about the love sense. “What?”

“Your love feels the same as mine,” Bright Aziraphale said. “In almost every respect. If they weren’t so much the same, the other angels would certainly have picked us apart.” He smiled nostalgically. “Ah, the other angels probably laughed at me for having those feelings. I almost feel bad for them. They don’t understand how wonderful these feelings are.”

Crowley was astonished. It was gratifying to see how little Bright Aziraphale cared about the opinions of the others, now. But it was even more incredible to learn that the magnitude of Bright Aziraphale’s love mirrored his own. Unlike Aziraphale, Crowley had never had the gift of such knowledge. “Your love? My love? They’re... they're the same?”

“Yes.” Then, the brows above Bright Aziraphale’s sweet eyes curved sadly. “My dear, don’t you know that?”

Crowley fell limply back onto his cardboard box. It was too good to be true. Crowley couldn’t believe it. He didn’t believe it. It couldn't be true. Aziraphale did love him, but he had never seemed as in love with Crowley as Crowley was with him. In Crowley’s mind, the game had always been one of Crowley pursuing Aziraphale, and Aziraphale being wooed by his attentions. But had Aziraphale been wooing him, too? Crowley didn’t think so. 

A troubled sadness dimmed Bright Aziraphale’s brightness. “You don’t believe me.”

Crowley wanted to believe him. But it was difficult to. Whenever he cast his mind back to the old Aziraphale, he saw only careful and hesitant affection. “I don't think that you love me like I love you,” Crowley murmured. “It’s okay. I knew that. I’m too obsessed with you for my own good.”

A spasm of anger coursed through Bright Aziraphale. His arms shook. He parted his lips, but then clamped them together and shut his eyes tightly, as if biting back a nasty swear word.

Dark Aziraphale covered for him. “No, Crowley!” he shouted, and threw his hands out. “No! That’s not how it is! Did you forget what I told you, on my first day? I was too guilty and ashamed of myself. I loved you, but I was a coward. I hid behind the Arrangement, and when the Arrangement was over, and I had nowhere left to hide… well…!” He thumped his chest. “That’s why I’m here! Remember? That’s why I came into being! A Fallen me came into being so that I could make it up to you! Falling was difficult, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it brought me to my senses. I can’t undo my past mistakes, but I can work to repair the damage I’ve done. Please let me do that. I will love you. I do love you.” 

Bright Aziraphale held Dark Aziraphale’s hand. 

Dark Aziraphale, startled, glanced down at the sudden union. He looked at Bright Aziraphale.

“You seem to forget that I’m here, too,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Please, we’ll fix this together.”

Dark Aziraphale was apologetic. “I never meant for you to know that I still felt this way about Falling,” he said. “I wanted you to think that I regretted it. I never wanted you to envy me.”

“I tried not to envy you,” Bright Aziraphale replied. “I tried not to envy your freedom, your lack of fears. But look. I’m here, anyway, thanks to you and Crowley. You showed me there was nothing to be afraid of. Please, I can help make this right, too.”

Dark Aziraphale nodded firmly to Bright Aziraphale.

“Thank you.” Emboldened by the support, Bright Aziraphale let go of Dark Aziraphale and spoke to Crowley. “I’m very sorry that I made you feel unloved. I’m sorry I tried to hide behind a second Arrangement. I promise, there won’t be any more Arrangements. I’ve learned from Dark Aziraphale. He’s shown me what I’m capable of. You can share your love with me as freely as you like, Crowley, and I will give it back to you tenfold. I love you. I’ll prove that I love you as much as you love me. I can’t bear that I made you feel so unloved. I will spend the rest of eternity doing whatever I can to make you feel loved and content. I will give you six thousand years of uninhibited love, and then six thousand more after that, and after that. I will be here with you, always.”

It was everything that Crowley had ever wanted to hear. It was everything Crowley had thought the angel Aziraphale would never say, and yet Bright Aziraphale was saying it to him. Crowley started to believe that his love and Aziraphale’s love might be the same after all.

“Ah, this is wonderful!” Dark Aziraphale said. “Look at how happy he is!”

“Yes, I know,” Bright Aziraphale said, and he sounded a little amused. “Isn’t this grand? He’s forgotten all about how angry he was that I didn’t tell him about my love sense.”

Despite himself, Crowley laughed loudly. Yes, that had completely slipped his mind. It seemed so insignificant now. How could Crowley be upset about anything, when he knew that Aziraphale loved him this much?

The Aziraphales were delighted by his laughter.

Crowley felt more like himself again. “No, I’m not angry about it,” he said. “It does suck, though. I guess I’m not as cool as I thought. But I guess I'll live with it.”

Bright Aziraphale retorted sharply, “It does not suck!”

Crowley cracked a smirk. It tickled him to hear Bright Aziraphale use that word. “Yeah, it does."

"It does not!"

"It totally does."

"No, it doesn't! Love is wonderful! Love is splendid and pure."

"Well, maybe, but it’s not very stylish. Doesn’t go with my black jacket. Kind of ruins the whole appeal. Makes me boring.”

Much to Crowley’s surprise, the Aziraphales laughed in disbelief.

“What?” Bright Aziraphale said, grinning.

“Boring?” Dark Aziraphale said, with the same level of incredulous glee as his counterpart. “You think that your love makes you boring? Crowley, my dear, you are never boring!”

“Do you think that your softer emotions make you less of a tempter? I was afraid you might think something like silly that.” Bright Aziraphale made a presumptuous, haughty expression. “My dear, love does nothing to hurt your appeal.”

“I think your love suits your black jacket very well,” Dark Aziraphale said decisively. “It was always good on you. I remember when it suited your black doublet very well. It’s a very handsome combination.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. This was a stretch for his imagination. It still sounded very lame. “It’s not lame?”

“No, not in the least! It looks very good on you. It makes you very tempting.”

“Tempting?” Crowley said flatly. “How is it tempting? It should be boring.”

“Boring?” Bright Aziraphale scoffed. 

“It’s not like there’s anything to get excited about. There’s no mystery or anything. I'm practically shoving my feelings in your face.”

“Crowley, please! You have no idea. Yes, I know how you feel. But my sensing your love does not make you less exciting or mysterious. It is quite the opposite! Why,” Bright Aziraphale exclaimed passionately, “it is terribly exciting. I can’t tell you how exhilarating it is to be tempted in such a dark, nonchalant way by such a pure-loving being!”

That was a savage blow. Crowley had never heard anything so lame. He facepalmed. The facepalm wasn’t enough to express the full range of his emotions at present. He was either terribly sickened, or horribly overjoyed. He wasn’t sure which.

“Yes,” Dark Aziraphale agreed enthusiastically with his double, “very! It was so thrilling when Crowley would ask in that cool way of his if he can tempt me to dinner, like he didn’t care one way or the other, but all the while there was so much love inside of him! Ah,” he beamed, “he was so wonderful!”

“It made him look so beautiful,” Bright Aziraphale said, with equally merciless degrees of enthusiasm, “and so wonderfully tempting! All of that unabashed love, mixed with that cool and calm disposition of his. How could I ever say no to someone as loving and elegant as him?”

Despite himself, Crowley laughed into his palms. His angel was unreal. When the powers that be in Heaven had been choosing which angel to protect the Garden of Eden, there must have been a very large checkbox on the list of requirements specifying that the angel must be as nice and pure-hearted as physically possible.

The Aziraphales were delighted to hear him laugh.

“Oh, my dear Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale chirped. “You seem stressed. Is everything all right? Don't you like hearing about how wonderfully dark and stylish you look with all that love on you?”

“You’re so hopeless, angel,” Crowley muttered pathetically into his palms.

“Oh, dear. It seems that you are very stressed." Bright Aziraphale hummed to himself. "Perhaps Dark Aziraphale and I should help you with that.”

Dark Aziraphale said, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Bright Aziraphale said, stressing each word, “that all of this talk has made Crowley very stressed.”

“Oh!” Dark Aziraphale grew very cheerful. “Stressed! Yes, I see!”

“We will undo all this boring, unpleasant talk about how cool and tempting Crowley appears to us when he's so loving, and put him in the proper mood again. We'll make it up to him, for not telling him about the love sense.”

“Yes, exactly. We'll make him forget all about how wonderfully ominous and exciting his nice friendship was for us. We will make him feel nice and relaxed again.”

Crowley was dumbfounded, and embarrassed, and confused. Yet he was also somehow unable to stop himself from feeling terribly proud. Crowley forced himself to find the dignity to raise his head from his facepalm and ask, “What? You've got your own twin language, now?”

Bright Aziraphale hummed noncommittally. His face was conniving and smug, like his counterpart's. Bright Aziraphale held his hands smartly behind his back. “Perhaps you noticed, my dear,” he said, “but we have been planning to do something special for you. Something we believe will greatly help to relieve your stress.”

Dark Aziraphale patted Crowley’s shoulder. “We think that you will enjoy it very much,” he said.

Crowley felt a pang of excitement in his lower body. “What is it?”

“You’ll see,” Dark Aziraphale said sweetly.

Bright Aziraphale said, “Crowley, I want you to move all of these dusty old boxes somewhere. Downstairs would be fine. Anywhere but here. They are in the way.”

Before Crowley could respond, however, Dark Aziraphale did.

“Um, wait, please,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Couldn’t we do this downstairs?”

“In the shop?”

“Yes. We could use the desk. I think that’s just the sort of thing that Crowley would like. The environment is supposed to be relaxing, remember? The bookshop is far more relaxing than this stuffy room.”

“Dear me! My desk…” For a moment, Bright Aziraphale was conflicted over the suggestion. But he got over it at breakneck speed. “Oh, all right, all right. Very well. The desk it is, then.”

“That will be perfect. Thank you very much!” 

“Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Won’t you be a dear and follow us downstairs.” His tone softened, then, and he briefly went back to resembling the harmless, gentle bookshop owner that Crowley knew. “If that is all right with you, my dear? And if you could be so good as to unlock the door, that would be lovely.”

Crowley didn’t know what was happening, but that didn’t change the fact that he was so terribly glad that it was happening. He decided it was better not to overthink it. “Okay,” he said. 

"Thank you!" Bright Aziraphale beamed at him with unremitting fondness and affection. "You are so wonderful."

Maybe, Crowley thought to himself, Aziraphale sensing his love wasn't so bad after all.


	8. Day 10

The next thing Crowley knew, he was being placed on the edge of Aziraphale’s desk, onto a cushion that had been removed from the back of one of the chairs and placed on the desk for this purpose. Crowley sat there, somewhat limply, while the Aziraphales double-checked that the bookshop was locked up tight.

Even though Crowley was fully clothed, he felt oddly naked in front of the Aziraphales, sitting on their desk waiting for them like this. He took his glasses out of the pocket and put them on his face. At least then he could cover his eyes.

But Bright Aziraphale came up to him and stopped him in the middle of it. “Excuse me,” he said sweetly, taking the glasses from Crowley. “Thank you, my dear.” He moved away to put the glasses on a table where Crowley couldn’t get at them.

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said with equal sweetness. “Would you please remove your shoes for me?”

At first, Crowley didn’t think about it. He raised his fingers, made the pinching gesture—and then he stopped. “Uh, why?” he asked. 

“My dear, I would very much like to help you feel relaxed again. The whole discussion about my old love sense seemed to leave you very worked up, and—oh, never mind,” he said. “I’ll do it myself.” He knelt in front of the desk and remove Crowley’s shoes.

“Uh, I’m okay now,” Crowley said. “You don’t need to do anything for me.”

Bright Aziraphale, who was just finishing removing the clutter from the desk behind Crowley, came back around the front of the desk to smile at Crowley. “My dear,” he said, “isn’t it obvious what this is about? We are going to rub your feet.” He knelt on the ground next to Dark Aziraphale. 

Crowley frowned. A foot rub? That was their big plan? There was a blip of disappointment in the back of Crowley’s head. “You’re gonna what?”

Bright Aziraphale said, “This is what someone who loves you does for you when you’re stressed, yes? He gives you a foot massage. You are stressed. Therefore, we are giving you a foot massage.”

“We love you, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale added. “And I’m sorry. I caused all this to happen. I should have listened to Bright Aziraphale and never mentioned anything about sensing love—”

“Dark Aziraphale,” Bright Aziraphale said, warningly. “Everything is fine. There’s nothing to apologise about. No more apologising about things.”

Dark Aziraphale bowed his head. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Oh!” Dark Aziraphale covered his mouth when Bright Aziraphale glared at him.

The friendly banter between the Aziraphales held to relax Crowley. Maybe relaxation was what Crowley needed right now. Crowley let go of his disappointment. There was nothing wrong with a foot massage. He decided not to put up any kind of resistance to their efforts. 

“May we please rub your feet?” Bright Aziraphale asked him sweetly. “We would like to do that for you very much.”

Crowley said, “That, um… does sound pretty good. I guess.”

“Then please leave it to us, my dear!” Dark Aziraphale said.

“Please let us know if we do anything to cause you pain,” Bright Aziraphale said.

Crowley loved the adorable way that they smiled thankfully up at him.

The shoes and socks were removed and set to the side. Crowley prided himself on keeping his body well-groomed, but he’d never paid much notice to his feet, a fact that he regretted currently. It was wrong that Crowley was looking down at the two of them. He should have been at their feet, looking up at them. He should have been the one at their feet. But he had no desire to deny them anything, not even a desire as generous as this. 

“Oh, but we are getting ahead of ourselves,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Crowley, could you give us some soap and water?”

“And a basin for it,” Dark Aziraphale said, “if it’s not too much trouble?”

“You’re going to wash my feet?” Crowley was dubious. “Really?”

Bright Aziraphale nodded. “It’s a necessary step,” he said.

“And it will be fun!” Dark Aziraphale said. 

When Bright Aziraphale rolled his eyes at Dark Aziraphale’s blatant enthusiasm, Dark Aziraphale stuck his tongue out at him. Bright Aziraphale scoffed at his childish behaviour. The whole exchange was entirely playful. Neither was actually offended by the other.

Crowley smiled fondly. This time, Crowley didn’t bother raising his fingers. He merely willed for the Aziraphales to have what they asked for. Two short, wide basins filled with water appeared on top of towels in front of each of them, along with pumps filled with soap.

“Thank you very much,” Bright Aziraphale said.

“That’s perfect!” Dark Aziraphale said.

That went a long way towards further raising Crowley’s spirits. He was immensely glad to be useful.

The Aziraphales must have been drawing their knowledge from the same memory, because they mirrored each other in almost every particular. They each washed a foot.

Crowley was fascinated. Not once had he ever imagined Aziraphale asking to do something like this for him. The hands rubbing soapy water over him resulted in a host of peculiar sensations. They felt soothing and nice.

“Could we have some oil, too?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

“Or a cream of some kind?” Bright Aziraphale said.

Crowley faithfully did as they asked. A familiar bottle of lubricant magically appeared in between the Aziraphales.

“Thank you!” they both said. Each took some of the product into their palms, warmed it with their body heat, and rubbed it lightly along the top and bottom of the foot. Then, once the feet were covered in it, they pressed their thumbs into the underside of the toes, and dragged the thumbs all the way along to the heel. 

Their symmetry was uncanny. The sensations, too, dazed Crowley. They were firm, and remarkably pleasant, in an area of his body that he’d never associated with any pleasant feelings. As far as he was concerned, his feet had only ever been good for standing on. “I should be the one doing this to you,” he said.

“Well, there’s only one of you, and there’s two of me,” Bright Aziraphale said. “So that would be silly. Things make more sense this way, don’t you think so?”

“Don’t care,” Crowley said. “I’d manage.” The thumbs were stroking leisurely along his feet, up and down, and each time felt better than the last. It was beginning to affect him in a way that was not entirely appropriate.

Dark Aziraphale said, “That’s so kind of you to say, Crowley. But I am enjoying myself at the moment very much.”

“You have very nice feet, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said. “They feel very nice to touch. Does this feel agreeable to you as well?”

The thumbs moved to the top of his feet. The strokes resumed, moving from the top of his toes up to his ankles, and back down again. For a second, Crowley’s eyes fluttered closed at the curiously enjoyable feeling. “Yeah,” he said. The Aziraphales didn’t know the half of it. A small, steady heat was growing in his lower body.

Dark Aziraphale hummed. “I’ve been thinking of doing this ever since I mentioned foot massages to Crowley a few days ago. You seemed to appreciate the idea, Crowley.”

Crowley remembered. Dark Aziraphale had talked about it while his fingers were up Crowley’s arse. A jolt of desire struck him between his legs at the memory.

Bright Aziraphale said, “I remember that, too.”

“Really? Even though you were sitting on a chair at the time, looking away?”

“I was much too busy hearing everything, I assure you!”

Dark Aziraphale said, “Oh? And sensing his love, too?”

“Hm…” Bright Aziraphale made a particularly strong, sensual stroke down the bottom of Crowley’s foot. “Yes,” he said slowly, endowing each word with appreciation, “I was sensing his love. It was very nice.”

Crowley just barely bit back a startled, excited groan. Did Bright Aziraphale know what he was doing?

Dark Aziraphale sighed. “His love always felt nice, didn’t it?”

“Yes, always. It wasn’t always this… deep. It was simple, friendly love, once. But I cherished his feelings from the beginning. He always feels sweet and inviting.” Bright Aziraphale thoughtfully dug his thumb in circles into the soft centre of the foot. “I didn’t take his love for granted. At least, I never meant to. I can only hope I made him feel as welcome as he made me feel.”

There was never a more unfitting time for Crowley to be growing aroused, but that didn’t stop another shudder of lust from shooting straight up his leg to his groin. He wanted to tell Bright Aziraphale that he had never made Crowley feel unwelcome, even at the lowest points of their friendship. If he parted his lips to speak, though, a moan was bound to escape him.

Dark Aziraphale looked up at Crowley. “Crowley, my dear,” he said kindly, and of course he kept rubbing his thumbs into the foot in his grasp as he spoke. “Does this feel nice for you?”

“Fuck, Aziraphale,” Crowley moaned helplessly. Since when were his feet this sensitive? He had been betrayed by his own feet. “Please. Can we take this somewhere else?”

Dark Aziraphale’s eyes popped a little. “What? Why…?” Those eyes fell downwards, to Crowley’s trousers. Dark Aziraphale ceased rubbing the foot in his hands. “Oh.”

Bright Aziraphale noticed, too, but he kept up his massage as if nothing had happened. Every sensual stroke of his thumbs made Crowley delirious with need. Bright Aziraphale was a devil in sheep’s clothing, Crowley decided to himself. 

“Please,” Crowley moaned. “Please. Can we go back to the bedroom?”

Dark Aziraphale let go of his foot, and stood up. “Of course, my dear.” 

But Bright Aziraphale said, “Why not stay here?”

Dark Aziraphale turned to him. “Oh? Here? At this desk?”

“I don’t see why not.” The thumbs were digging high into the arch of the foot. “And Crowley does seem to be enjoying this very much.”

“B,” Crowley hissed roughly, seconds away from lovingly calling him a bastard.

Yet, when Bright Aziraphale looked up at him, the mischievous smirk that Crowley had been expecting was nowhere in sight. There was only infinite fondness and sweetness. “I want to make you so happy, my dear,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Both of us do. Please, won’t you let us?”

That kindness was too beautiful. Crowley melted. He loved them both terribly. They were both so wonderful to him.

“Please, my dear?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

Crowley murmured, “Yes, okay.”

Bright Aziraphale glowed with delight. “Thank you so much.”

Slowly, Dark Aziraphale bent forward and kissed Crowley.

Crowley groaned into the kiss. He pulled Dark Aziraphale towards himself, needing more of him, kissing him deeply. It felt so good to lose himself in Dark Aziraphale’s warm, welcoming mouth. Rather than take one long kiss, Crowley took kiss after kiss, tilting his head in different ways, kissing Dark Aziraphale at a slightly different angle each time. Crowley didn’t hold himself back. Crowley used his lips and his tongue to adore Dark Aziraphale. Crowley wanted to show him how important he was.

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale asked after a while, now sounding flustered himself, “ah, I would like very much to touch your chest. Would you please remove your clothes?”

Crowley immediately raised his hand and snapped his fingers. When he did, the top half of his clothes were haphazardly transported off his body onto the table where his glasses had been placed. He forgot to fold them up.

Dark Aziraphale surveyed Crowley’s body, and pouted cutely. “Ah, well, that’s nice,” he said, “but I was looking forward to seeing your entire body. You are such a treat on the eyes, my dear.”

“Ah, shit,” Crowley swore under his own breath, because he knew how exhilarating it would be when his trousers were gone and all of his excited body was naked for the Aziraphales to see and touch. There was no helping it, however. Crowley snapped his fingers again, and his trousers joined his other clothes in an unceremonious pile. He was completely bare.

“Lovely!” Dark Aziraphale joyfully clapped his hands together. “Thank you!”

Crowley groaned. He felt his half-hard length pulse under Dark Aziraphale’s cheery gaze. There was something about either Aziraphale’s innocently delighted interest in Crowley’s body that never failed to make Crowley very hot.

Dark Aziraphale caressed Crowley’s thin shoulders and upper chest. “How would you like me, my dear? Do you want me to be inside you again?”

Crowley moaned deeply. “Ah, damn it,” he whispered. “It feels so good when you talk dirty, angel.”

That remark was concerning to Dark Aziraphale. “Um, thank you? I didn’t say anything dirty, though.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Why? Is it dirty when I ask if you want me to be inside of you? I meant it to be nice. I want to give that to you, if that’s what you’d like, my dear.”

“Fuck,” Crowley whispered. His desire was exploding out of control. Bright Aziraphale hadn’t stopped stroking his foot, either, and it was driving Crowley mad with lust for the Dark Aziraphale in front of him. Crowley put a hand on his own length to stroke himself—

Dark Aziraphale swatted Crowley’s hand away, settling it on the desk.

Crowley shuddered. 

“I’ll do that for you,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I would be ever so happy to. Would you like that?”

“Yes,” Crowley begged. “Please.”

“You’ll keep your hands down for me, then, won’t you?”

“Okay,” Crowley said, against his better judgement. The heat inside of him spiked at Dark Aziraphale’s command. He wondered if Dark Aziraphale meant that Crowley should not move his hands at all. In any case, Crowley curled both of his hands in fists around the edge of the desk.

Dark Aziraphale smiled pleasantly. Instead of touching Crowley where Crowley wanted it most, however, Dark Aziraphale resumed trailing his hands along Crowley’s chest, marvelling at the feel of dynamic muscles underneath the skin.

“Angel.”

Dark Aziraphale kissed along the stomach and abdomen. “You are so lovely, Crowley,” he said. He stroked his fingers along the nubs of Crowley’s chest, making Crowley spasm with need. “I hope you can feel how much I love you, when I touch you like this.” He pressed his hands into Crowley’s side, and took a moment to admire the closeness between their bodies.

Deep down, Crowley wanted to let Dark Aziraphale go at his own pace. But Bright Aziraphale’s slow, wet hands were steadily kneading all of the patience out of Crowley. He gasped out, “Angel, please.”

Dark Aziraphale steadied himself with a grasp on Crowley’s hip, brought his hand between Crowley’s legs, and tenderly stroked Crowley’s hard length.

The relief and pleasure flooded through Crowley. “Oh, fuck, angel,” he cried. “That feels so good.”

“Want me to tell you a little secret, my dear?” Dark Aziraphale whispered as he continued to move his hand. “I was always frightened that I would be too inexperienced in this area to be of use to you. And yet, it has never been an issue for me. Touching you like this comes so naturally to me.”

Crowley loved the feeling of Dark Aziraphale rubbing him like this. “I wanna touch you, too,” he murmured. “I can do this for you, too.”

Dark Aziraphale considered it. “I suppose…” He pursed his lips in an adorable show of contemplation. “No, no, I don’t think so,” he said. “I’m quite satisfied with doing this to you.”

Crowley felt his foot being released, and then carefully dried with a towel. After a moment, though, there were the telltale signs of movement near his other foot. “Can I at least touch your arm?” Crowley asked. “Just your arm?”

“Maybe later,” Dark Aziraphale said, in a kind manner.

Crowley’s other foot was caressed by wet, probing fingers. The nerves in his foot must have been connected to the nerves in his groin, because the pleasure in one instantly became pleasure in the other. “Fuck, angel,” Crowley breathed, “angels.” His toes were curling, but that wasn’t putting a dent in the attention that his foot was receiving.

Dark Aziraphale said, “If it’s not too much for me to ask, there’s something I want you do for me, Crowley.”

Crowley shivered with desire. “Yes. Please. Anything.”

Dark Aziraphale kissed him lightly on the lips, and it was too much sensation for Crowley. He couldn’t focus on moving with the kiss. He was too distracted by Bright Aziraphale’s hands, and Dark Aziraphale’s hand. The kiss was wonderfully delicious, though, and Crowley whimpered when it ended. “You have such a strong will, don’t you?”

That compliment caught Crowley off guard. “Uh…” 

“Your willpower is so amazing, Crowley. Didn’t you recently keep you and your car from burning in the motorway fire with your willpower alone?”

“Uh… yeah…” Crowley’s mind was in no condition to be rifling through the details of that event, though. He was far too enamoured with the feeling of Bright Aziraphale cherishing his heel and Dark Aziraphale’s hand stroking him fully.

“I would be very grateful if you could put that willpower to use for me.”

That notion was a little alarming to Crowley. He wasn’t exactly at his strongest, at the moment. He didn’t know what he could manage right now.

“How should I say this?” Dark Aziraphale wondered aloud to himself. “Ah, I know!” His fingers lingered enticingly at the tip of Crowley’s hard length.

Crowley’s hips jerked with need. He wanted so much more. “Please, angel…” 

“Crowley, my dear,” Dark Aziraphale said warmly. “Would you please not allow yourself to arrive at your peak until one of us tells you to?”

Crowley’s mostly-black eyes went very wide.

Dark Aziraphale continued, “Oh, yes, I should have mentioned. That was the second part of our plan. We agreed that we would both very much enjoy keeping in some manner of suspense. We are hoping that it will feel very good for you. This was supposed to come after the foot massage, though. The foot massage was supposed to lead up to it. Dear me, I didn’t quite get the order of things right.”

The weight between Crowley’s legs grew heavy with arousal. “Yes,” Crowley moaned. “Yes. Yes.” He could do it. He could manage. He’d fucking find a way.

Dark Aziraphale gasped with almost innocent delight. He asked eagerly, “You will, my dear?”

“I won’t come until you say.” It wasn’t going to be impossible. It would still be easier than keeping the Bentley from melting. That wasn’t saying much, however.

“Thank you so very much, my dear!” Dark Aziraphale glanced downwards. “Did you hear that, Bright Aziraphale?”

“Oh, yes, I think I’m going to hear it in my head for days,” Bright Aziraphale answered.

Dark Aziraphale moved his face away from Crowley’s. He turned his attention back to the length that he could probably feel throbbing in his hand. Dark Aziraphale eyed it with fresh curiosity. 

Being scrutinised like that made Crowley swallow a low moan. “It feels good when you look, angel,” Crowley murmured. “Fuck, everything about this is so bloody good. You feel so good on me right now.”

“Oh,” Dark Aziraphale frowned. “That’s nice, I suppose, but I don’t mean to merely look…” He stopped stroking with his hand, and simply let his hand rest at the base of the length as he bent his head down.

Crowley freaked out immediately. “Angel!”

Dark Aziraphale stopped, and sweetly met his gaze. “What is it, my dear? Do you not want me to use my mouth on you down there? I would never do anything you don’t like.”

Crowley wanted that so terribly that it scared him. He keenly felt the loss of Dark Aziraphale’s strokes on him. “Fuck, I want that so bad, but I dunno if I can keep it in, if you do that.” It wasn’t a matter of willpower. He knew that he had the power to stop his body, if it came down to that. The problem was that he might not want to.

Dark Aziraphale brightened. “Oh, I think I know you better than you know yourself,” he said. “I think you will enjoy this, and that it won’t be too much for you. If it does get to be too much, you can tell me to stop. How does that sound, my dear?”

“Uh… okay.”

“Wonderful! Oh, and if you cannot, um, keep it in, as you say,” Dark Aziraphale said kindly, “that is perfectly all right. I would never wish for you to feel guilty about such a thing. I love you very much, Crowley.” 

Crowley was very glad to hear that. He noticed that the second of his two feet was now being rubbed dry. He had enough presence of mind to wonder what the other Aziraphale was going to do, after he was done with the feet.

Dark Aziraphale lowered his head again, and kissed Crowley’s lower abdomen, and down along the lower expanse of skin. He tested the feel of his tongue and lips against Crowley’s body.

Crowley’s knuckles strained against the desk. “Angel, please.” 

Dark Aziraphale lowered his head even further, exploring. He was slow, and unhurried, and not particularly methodical, but always very appreciative.

Bright Aziraphale raised himself from the floor. He was facing them.

Crowley hadn’t been expecting that. Crowley must look quite wanton like this, completely nude and with Dark Aziraphale bending over him and about to take him into his mouth. He hoped that Bright Aziraphale would not find it too offensive of a sight. 

Bright Aziraphale, however, barely batted an eye. He left Dark Aziraphale’s side and moved around the desk, so that he was now at Crowley’s side. He laid a gentle hand on Crowley’s shaking arm, and did nothing else but treat Crowley to a very cute, very familiar smile. 

Crowley cherished the reassuring feeling of the palm on his bicep. He begged to know, “What are you gonna—?” His words instantly broke into a long, wild moan. 

Dark Aziraphale had taken him into his mouth. He had gone a little too far on his first attempt, and had discovered the limits of his own mouth, so he went more shallowly and carefully after that. He had no trouble learning to adjust, though. 

Crowley moaned deeply. It felt wonderful.

“Don’t worry about me,” Bright Aziraphale said to him calmly. “Dark Aziraphale needs physical connection more than I do. I certainly find it quite pleasant, but I’m also quite content to talk to you for a while.”

Why was that prospect so terrifically exciting to Crowley, too? In front of him, there was one Aziraphale was happily sucking him off, and next to him there was the other one merely talking to him. It was so marvellously indulgent. “Oh, fuck, angel,” Crowley whispered. “I’m losing my fucking mind.”

“Ah, I’m so glad!” Bright Aziraphale said cheerfully, and Crowley shivered all over his body. “I love how you look like now, Crowley. I’m very glad that we are able to do this for you. I do wish it hadn’t taken me so long to come around to letting myself close to you. It looks like this is exactly the kind of thing you need. Drat, I wish I could have given this to you sooner. I wonder if I could have got away with it in the Garden, before any of the business about shame muddied things up, when it was only us and Earth’s first creatures around. You did say before that you thought about having relations with me, then.”

Again, Crowley moaned with pleasure. The rhythmic heat engulfing him was euphoric. “This feels so fucking good,” he murmured. Crowley was getting a very good warmup exercise for his willpower from not thrusting into Dark Aziraphale’s warm, soft mouth.

“Were you talking to him, or to me?” Bright Aziraphale asked curiously. “Oh, never mind, it doesn’t matter. I’ll keep talking anyway, until you tell me to stop. You never seemed to mind it very much before. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, that’s right. The Garden. I can’t rewrite history, of course, but I still want to change it. I want to write a different, nicer version of what happened. It didn’t have to be the case that we stayed apart from one another. Let’s pretend that I went up to you while you were lazing about in the grass and introduced myself.”

“But we were enemies,” Crowley groaned. He longed to beg for more from Dark Aziraphale, but he didn’t want to interrupt the story. He wanted to play along.

“That’s why it’s called pretending,” Bright Aziraphale said, and Crowley could have laughed at how irritated he sounded. “Oh, all right, fine. Pretend that we didn’t know we were enemies. I heard my enemy was a snake, you heard yours was a dove—”

“Ram.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Ram.” Crowley watched the up-and-down bobbing of the flower-adorned horns in front of him.

Dark Aziraphale looked up at him for a moment, and there was deep affection in his gaze. Then he very pointedly took a long, deep drag of Crowley’s length in his mouth.

Crowley swore breathlessly. Shit, this was so much fun.

“I’ve never taken the form of a ram,” Bright Aziraphale retorted casually. “I’ve barely ever taken the form of a dove. But if you insist, a ram it is. Not that it’s going to make a difference. You heard I was a ram, and I heard you were a snake, but when I find you in the Garden, we’re both in our human forms. I see you on the grass and I say hello. I introduce myself properly to you, for a change.”

“You’ve got an angel name.”

“What?”

“Angel name,” Crowley repeated, but his voice was carried by a desirous moan. “I’d know you’re an angel.”

“You’re not making this very easy, are you, my dear?” Bright Aziraphale sighed. He idly rubbed Crowley’s arm. “Oh, well. Fine. So you know I’m an angel and that we are enemies. Fine, I’ll make do. I tell you my name and then I see you might make a run for it. I realise that you’re the snake. But I hold up my hand and ask you not to run. I’d say, since we’re bound to be working in proximity with each other a great deal in the future, why don’t we take this opportunity to become better acquainted?”

Crowley laughed. “Not bloody likely!”

Bright Aziraphale didn’t let up. “Oh,” he said eagerly, “but you seem like such a charming fellow, and it’s a lovely day, and we have nothing better to do. We could talk, but there isn’t very much to talk about, yet. Not very much has happened, as you know. I have another idea. I’ve learned from the humans that there’s an excellent act that two humans can partake in to become very well acquainted with one another. Would you be interested? I’ve been given to understand that it feels very nice.”

Dark Aziraphale’s eyes fluttered closed as he moaned affectionately around Crowley’s thickness.

Crowley’s head fell back at the sheer ecstasy. “Oh, fuck, yes.” Hastily, he shoved his willpower into his lower body, and groaned at the frustrating yet wonderful sensation of keeping himself just shy of the freedom to release.

“Dear me, that’s awfully forward of you,” Bright Aziraphale said, with fake worry. “And mere moments after we’ve just met! Are you always so forward?”

Crowley grinned fiercely. Aziraphale was such an adorable nerd, and evidently Bright Aziraphale was no exception. “Sorry, sorry, just got excited, so tell me, how are we gonna do it, angel?” he asked wildly. “Missionary style? Like the humans do?”

Bright Aziraphale broke character long enough to beam a ridiculous smile at Crowley. Then he straightened himself out. “Assuming I even know what that is,” he replied in a tone that suggested he did know, “it amazes me that a demon such as yourself can say such a holy-sounding word without bursting into flames.”

“I’m full of surprises,” Crowley said recklessly. “Wanna see if I burst into flames if you put your hard angel cock inside me?”

Bright Aziraphale was genuinely taken by surprise. “Ah, my goodness,” he stuttered, “well. That is rather a drastic first step. Perhaps we could try kissing first.”

Crowley took the opening and pounced eagerly. “Okay. I’d kiss you, but I can’t move, so can you kiss me?”

There was a sinister glint in Bright Aziraphale’s eyes. “Oh, dear,” Bright Aziraphale murmured slowly. “You can’t move? That doesn’t sound very good. Are you stuck?”

Crowley laughed darkly. 

“Well, all right,” Bright Aziraphale said, kindly. “Don’t worry. If you can’t move, then I’ll kiss you.” He gave Crowley a kiss.

The lips on his were electric to Crowley’s oversensitized body. He threw himself into the kiss, molding their lips together in obscene ways and reaching into Bright Aziraphale with his tongue. Bright Aziraphale stayed close, allowing Crowley to ravish his mouth as much as he liked.

“Fuck, angel,” Crowley murmured, “please, tell me to come. I wanna come so bad.”

Bright Aziraphale smiled and said unhelpfully, “Already? It was only a kiss, my dear.”

But Crowley didn’t miss a beat. A flash of genius struck him in the midst of his unending rapture. He spoke very rapidly. “Actually I’ve been hard and aching since they put me in the Garden. They told me I’m not supposed to let myself come until you tell me that I can.”

All of the self-assured posturing from Bright Aziraphale fell apart completely. He gasped.

Dark Aziraphale, too, was deeply affected. There was equal doses of lust and pity in his dark eyes. 

On the inside, Crowley applauded himself for being so clever. “They said you were too nice to leave me like this, angel. Even though we’re enemies. They said you’d be nice enough to let me come.”

Bright Aziraphale was thoroughly stupefied and thrilled. “Oh dear,” he whispered, “oh dear.” The rich tone of his voice gave away the excitement that Crowley’s ad-libbing had stirred in him. Bright Aziraphale appeared to be a splendid mix of unbridled desire and genuine pity for Crowley’s predicament.

Dark Aziraphale stopped moving. He pulled away completely, raised his face to Crowley, and parted his compassionate lips to say— 

“But they told me you wouldn’t let me come until you fucked me first!” Crowley said quickly.

Both of the Aziraphales gasped in shock. 

Crowley was delirious with unsatisfied desire. It took mountains of effort not to touch himself, just to fill the void of sensation that Dark Aziraphale had left. He couldn’t move his hands, however, without disobeying Dark Aziraphale’s request of him. “Please,” he begged them, “please, fuck me, please.”

It took a few seconds for the Aziraphales to recover their wits.

Crowley couldn't blame them. He would have been surprised, too. He could have easily got either Aziraphale to let him off the hook, and Dark Aziraphale had come close to doing so, but Crowley didn’t want them to. He wanted to make this good for them. He knew how much they wanted to deny him release, at least for a little while. They longed to give him as much pleasure and excitement as his body could take. And Crowley found that he was enjoying the sweet torment too much to let it end, yet.

Dark Aziraphale bent down and picked up the lubricant that was on the floor. 

“My dear,” Bright Aziraphale said to Crowley, ”would you please turn over? You can let go of the desk now.”

Crowley immediately turned onto his stomach and bent over the desk. The cushion that had been underneath him was now underneath his head. “We still in the Garden, angel?” he asked.

“Which would you prefer, my dear?” Bright Aziraphale asked, as he moved behind Crowley.

“Uh, still in the Garden. I wanna finish the story.”

“Of course, my dear,” Bright Aziraphale said. Then he whispered politely, “do you want to go first?”

Dark Aziraphale whispered back, “You can go first. I don’t mind.”

Crowley’s jaw dropped to the desk. They were going to take turns with him? He hadn’t considered that possibility. He had assumed that Bright Aziraphale would keep talking while Dark Aziraphale made love to him.

“No, you ought to go first,” Bright Aziraphale said.

“Please, I had something of a turn already,” Dark Aziraphale said. “You should go.”

“I say, this is dreadfully indecisive of us. Perhaps we should flip a coin.”

“Wait, I have a better idea. Perhaps we could go at the same time?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, one of us could please him from behind. The other one can please him the front.”

“Oh, you mean his mouth?”

“Yes! I think he would enjoy that very much. What do you think?”

“I’m afraid that leaves us with the same problem. Which one of us goes in front, and which behind?”

“Oh dear, you’re right,” Dark Aziraphale said, and paused, and then said, “Should we ask Crowley which he prefers?”

“I think we both know what his answer will be.”

“Yes, that was a bad idea. Oh, hold on, I know! I will be in the front so that you can be in the back. You haven’t yet taken Crowley from behind.”

“Ah. That is very kindhearted of you to consider.”

“Nonsense, you would do the same for me.” Dark Aziraphale walked around the desk, and when he entered Crowley’s field of view, he no longer had the bottle of lubricant. “My dear, are you—” but he stopped.

Crowley was biting his hand. When Dark Aziraphale saw him, though, he let his hand go. “Am I what?”

“Why in the world were you biting your hand?”

“Distracting myself, angel,” he said. “Would be wanking off, otherwise.” The short conversation between the Aziraphales had excited him terribly. It wasn’t only their decision to take him from both ends that had him fired up. Crowley had been exhilarated by the mere fact that they had calmly discussed what they would do to Crowley while he was bent over a table in front of them.

“Oh.” Dark Aziraphale seemed to reluctantly accept the logic in this. “Well, I don’t like to see you hurting yourself.” He wriggled up onto the desk, so that he was on his hands and knees in front of Crowley. He seemed uncertain about being on top of his desk, but not enough to get off. Dark Aziraphale huddled up near Crowley’s head and rubbed Crowley’s hand. “There, there. Does that feel better?”

It felt a lot better, actually, which went entirely against the point of biting his hand. “I’m not gonna feel better,” Crowley murmured, “until I have two pretty angels inside of me.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Dark Aziraphale said excitedly. “Because that’s exactly what we’re going to do!”

Crowley was too infatuated with him to bother replying to that.

From behind, Bright Aziraphale asked, “May I please prepare you, Crowley?”

“Yes, please, fuck, why aren’t you doing it yet,” Crowley said.

A dry hand held onto his chest. A soft, wet hand ran down the bottom of his back and into his entrance. Bright Aziraphale began to prepare him with careful and loving attention.

In front of Crowley, Dark Aziraphale asked his double, “Can I be the one in the Garden?”

“By all means,” Bright Aziraphale said cheerily.

“Oh, thank you! Um… how was it going… oh. Yes! Um, I can’t imagine who told you those things. I was only hoping we could get to know each other better, Crowley.” Dark Aziraphale began to undo his own trousers.

Crowley wondered if he should correct Dark Aziraphale on his anachronistic use of Crowley’s modern name. When multiple wet fingers began to enter smoothly into his body, though, he decided he had more important things to deal with. “Uh, I’ll do that for you,” he said. He reached for Dark Aziraphale’s trousers and took over the task of unfastening them.

“Oh,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Thank you.”

“Hey, why do you want to get to know me, anyway?” Crowley asked. He was determined to keep the game going. It was a distraction that his aching, lusting body sorely needed right now. Besides, it was fun.

“Um… oh, yes, I already answered this question. We’re going to be working together, in a manner of speaking.” Dark Aziraphale hesitated. “Well, that’s some of the reason.”

Crowley looked up at him.

Dark Aziraphale put on a very brave face. “We’re both going to be here for a very long time, and I heard that you are a good person, on the inside,” he said. He seemed very vulnerable and shy about what he was saying. “I thought it would be nice if we could be friends, if you wanted to be. Close friends?”

Crowley recognised the line. He dropped his own. “That’s funny. I heard you’re a bit of a bastard. Just the sort of person who can make things interesting.”

Dark Aziraphale seemed very relieved.

Crowley felt a little overwhelmed by his love for Aziraphale. They really had been friends for a long time. Crowley would have been unbearably lonely on this planet without his angel companion to constantly fall back to. “Friends, though?” he said, greedily stretching out the game. “Eh, I dunno about that, angel. We couldn’t be more different from each other. We’ve probably got nothing in common.”

“That’s not true. We both like the Garden,” Dark Aziraphale answered smartly. “The Garden is all there is. There’s nothing else around to like, yet.”

Crowley smirked. He pulled down Dark Aziraphale’s loosened trousers and licked his lips at the fully hard arousal that was revealed to him. “You got me there. But you’re big on animals, and I’m more of a plant guy.”

“Then, um, you can tell me what’s so special about plants,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I will tell you what’s so wonderful about animals. You see? We’ll have a great deal to talk about.”

“I guess you don’t care that we’re supposed to be on different sides, then.”

Dark Aziraphale paused. He couldn’t come up with what to say. 

Crowley regretted mentioning it. “Uh, whatever. It’s not like we care what the offices think, right?”

Dark Aziraphale wasn’t sure. “They would care, though,” he whispered, uncertainly.

That was troubling to Crowley. It especially bothered him that Dark Aziraphale would have difficulty with this question. Crowley had merely expected some bullshit answer, but Dark Aziraphale seemed to take the problem of their opposing sides very seriously.

“Um, maybe I should go to your side?” Dark Aziraphale said quietly. “Then we would be on the same side.”

That depressed Crowley considerably. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He didn’t want the story to go this way. “Is that really how you want this to end, Aziraphale?” Crowley asked, sadly. “You’re saying you wanna Fall?”

“Well… um…”

Bright Aziraphale jumped in to help his counterpart. “No, that’s not what he meant to say! He meant to say that he doesn’t care what his side thinks. He’ll be friends with you anyway. More than a friend. He’ll be your closest friend. He’ll stay with you, because he loves you, and he doesn’t want to let you down. It will be your little secret. It will be one more clause in the Arrangement. No one will ever know. There will be nothing to be afraid of. Do I have that right?”

Crowley savoured the passionate words with all of his soul. This was the incredible angel who he had thought would never love him. Bright Aziraphale had come such a long way.

“Yes,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Yes, that’s exactly what I meant to say.”

Crowley turned back to Dark Aziraphale. 

“So, will you be friends with me?” Dark Aziraphale asked. He was so open, and so hopeful. If Crowley didn’t know better, he would think that Dark Aziraphale was genuinely asking him if he wanted to be friends.

Crowley wasn’t prepared for that sweetness. It made his heart feel magnificently light. Moreover, it made him even more terribly excited than he already was. “Okay,” he said. “Sex first. Friends after.”

“Well, I really don’t think—”

Crowley took hold of Dark Aziraphale’s hips, and sucked him down.

“Ah!” Dark Aziraphale gasped. “Ah…”

Crowley lathed attention on him. His pent-up body was in no mood to hold back, and it always felt so good to have either Aziraphale in his mouth. He loved the emotional and physical feelings involved in giving pleasure to his lovely angel. 

The delighted noises that Dark Aziraphale made were exquisite.

Crowley was eager to hear more of those noises. He had spent thousands of years not hearing those noises, and he was going to make up for the deficit as quickly as possible. He used his hands to encourage Dark Aziraphale to move his hips forward, which Dark Aziraphale did. He had to get Dark Aziraphale going at a good pace before he lost the ability to concentrate—

Crowley felt Bright Aziraphale hold him as he penetrated Crowley from behind. Bright Aziraphale released a loud exhale. “Oh… Oh, goodness. Crowley, is this… all right…?”

Crowley very eagerly and deliberately rocked his butt and forth. 

“Ah…” Bright Aziraphale got the message loud and clear. He began to move in and out of Crowley, slowly and carefully, feeling his way through an act that was very new to him. 

Crowley closed his eyes. He felt so complete, so perfect. His own physical desire for release was already through the roof by now, but it was this feeling of completeness that Crowley wanted most of all. He let himself float in between them for a long while.

Both of the Aziraphales were very tender with him. They didn’t seem to be ashamed of each other’s presence. In fact, they hardly seemed to be aware of each other. They took turns praising him, and telling him how much they loved him, and how wonderful he was.

Dark Aziraphale was warm and filling in Crowley’s mouth. The Aziraphales were always so slow and careful about making love to Crowley. They always took time to make sure that they never did anything to hurt him. That was why Dark Aziraphale went shallowly at first. As soon as he was sure that his advance would be welcome, however, Dark Aziraphale made unrestrained use of Crowley’s mouth. In the past, Dark Aziraphale had focused on increasing Crowley’s pleasure, but this time, he moved to increase his own pleasure as well as Crowley’s. Dark Aziraphale moaned with delight, and praised Crowley for being so good for him.

Bright Aziraphale, meanwhile, probably had no idea how sensitive Crowley’s body was to him in this position. With Crowley lying down like this, there was nothing stopping Bright Aziraphale from smoothly rubbing into the most sensitive nerves in Crowley’s body. The shocks of pleasure and need that wracked Crowley were powerful. They were so unrelenting and excessive that they nearly took Crowley out of his own body. But Crowley was never quite out of his own body. He was always present. He wanted to always be with the Aziraphales. Nothing could compare to the pleasure of their fond, loving voices. 

Crowley’s body was crying out for release, but his mind was peacefully adrift and in love. He loved what the Aziraphales were doing to him, and it seemed to him that it might very well go on indefinitely. Therefore, he was mildly surprised when he felt the Aziraphale in front of him release into his mouth. Crowley gladly swallowed it. As always, swallowing it made him feel like he had a piece of Aziraphale inside of himself. He had to work a little magic inside of himself to make sure his body kept it down, but he didn’t mind.

Bright Aziraphale had followed soon after. When he pushed into Crowley for the last time and let go with a gasp of startled joy, Crowley’s eyes rolled back in his head at the feeling of Bright Aziraphale’s release inside of himself. Crowley felt so well used by the two Aziraphales. He felt that they had been one with his body. They had found satisfaction using Crowley’s body. Crowley had made it good for them.

When Crowley begged them to let him finally release, Bright Aziraphale assured him that they wouldn’t leave him wanting, and Dark Aziraphale asked that he sit on the desk again. Crowley did so. 

This time, it was Bright Aziraphale’s turn to suck Crowley off. 

Crowley pleaded with Dark Aziraphale to let him come. He yearned to shoot into Bright Aziraphale’s adoring, loving mouth. He needed to come more than he needed air. But Dark Aziraphale only stroked his hair and murmured fondly about how Crowley was so gorgeous like this, and how good Crowley was being for both of them. Meanwhile, Bright Aziraphale kept his pace calm and gentle on Crowley’s trembling, desperate body. Bright Aziraphale’s mouth was so tortuously kind and welcoming.

Crowley was in tears. He was frenzied with desire. He had never been more keenly aware of how much the Aziraphales desired him, and how much he desired them. They had made love to him in a fun, carefree way, and now, when they were both perfectly sated, they were still obsessed with endlessly arousing Crowley’s body. There was no earthly limit to Crowley’s prodigious willpower, either, which meant that the Aziraphales could drag this on forever if they wished. 

Crowley would let them, too, if that made them happy. He would keep control over his body for them. He would do anything for them. 

Fortunately for him, it was only a matter of time until Dark Aziraphale brought things to an end. He told Crowley that Crowley had been so wonderful, and wouldn’t Crowley please be so kind as to let himself go inside of Bright Aziraphale?

Crowley sobbed as he obeyed Dark Aziraphale. He gave himself up entirely to his welcoming angels. His body went mercifully relaxed and loose as the sensations of release enveloped him. The gratification and bliss that he felt were so enchanting and intense that he knew he would be asking for more of this treatment in the future.

The Aziraphales took very good care of him afterwards. They sat him on the chair behind the desk and kissed him on the cheek. They told him about how much they loved him, and how the three of them were going to be so happy together.

Crowley was in total agreement. He was certain that the three of them would have a very happy eternity together.


	9. Day 26

The mystery of the twin Aziraphales was solved on day twenty-six, in the car park outside a supermarket.

Crowley was out shopping for groceries with the Aziraphales. It wasn’t a task he was accustomed to doing, since he was only a social eater, but the Aziraphales seemed to enjoy having little things to drink and eat around the flat. So, Crowley did the only reasonable thing. He took them to the supermarket.

It would turn out to be a very difficult trip. But at least the trip started out nicely.

Crowley wandered aimlessly around the large shop, looking at everything in the supermarket with a new eye. He looked at the seasonal holiday decor being advertised, and wondered if the Aziraphales would appreciate if Crowley put it around the flat or the bookshop. They liked that sort of thing. The bookshop was the more obvious choice, but Crowley was interested in making his flat feel more like home to the Aziraphales.

The Aziraphales had finally succeeded in making space for Crowley in the bookshop, but it was not the place where they spent most of their time. They always spent evenings and nights at Crowley’s flat. Crowley was tempted to refer to it as their flat. Was it theirs? Or did it still feel like Crowley’s to them? 

Lately, Crowley had thought about circumventing the whole problem by finding a house somewhere where they could live together instead. It would have space for all three of them. The Aziraphales could each have their own bedrooms, if that made them more comfortable. There would be places for both of them to read. Crowley wasn’t sure he could physically bring the bookshop with them, though. The books could be moved, but wouldn’t the Aziraphales miss their shop? Or could Crowley find a house somewhere in driving distance to the bookshop? 

These were the kinds of questions that Crowley was spending way too much time thinking about.

He kept going through the supermarket until he stumbled upon a display of small boxes of tea. He picked one out at a nice-looking one and showed it to the Aziraphales. “What about this one?”

“That is lovely!” they said eagerly.

Crowley picked out another one. “This one?”

“That is lovely, too!” they said, as eagerly as before.

Crowley put both boxes back. “On second thought,” he said, “why don’t you two go at it and pick some out yourselves? I’ll just, you know, hang back.” He pulled back their shopping trolley and leaned against it.

Wide-eyed and excited, the Aziraphales floated up and down the rows of tea. They picked out various boxes and discussed what the significance of the labels on them might be. Like children in a sweetshop, they picked out box after box and tossed them into the trolley while Crowley looked on from the side. Some of the varieties were familiar favourites of Aziraphale, while others seemed to have been selected for the sake of novelty or curiosity. 

Eventually the two Aziraphales migrated away from the tea. They investigated the coffee section. Dark Aziraphale picked out a bag of ground coffee and brought it to Crowley. “You simply must have a whiff of this, my dear,” he said. “It has the most wonderful aroma.”

Crowley didn’t bother. “That’s ground coffee,” he said coolly.

“Yes? And?”

“The unground coffee beans are over there,” Crowley added, languidly pointing further down the aisle.

Dark Aziraphale pouted cutely, and Crowley had to fight down an affectionate smirk that begged to break out. It would have ruined the effect.

Bright Aziraphale, who was next to Dark Aziraphale, clasped his hands together. “Ah, you really are wonderful, Crowley!” he exclaimed. “So much stylishness and love all at once!”

Crowley cringed very hard. Without hesitation, he petulantly tore the package of ground coffee out of Dark Aziraphale’s hands, stormed down the aisle, and put it back. Then he went further down, picked out a good-looking tin of unground coffee beans, marched back to the Aziraphales, and dropped the tin dramatically into the trolley.

“Is it really so important to use unground beans?” Bright Aziraphale asked.

“Yes,” Crowley muttered.

“I don’t understand,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Does one eat the beans?”

“We grind them. I have a grinder at home.” Crowley hoped desperately that he wasn’t blushing or anything.

Once Crowley had decided that the Aziraphales had picked out enough teas to try, he brought them to the deli section. Crowley picked out jars of jam and some ingredients for finger sandwiches. The Aziraphales were won over by some nearby packages of biscuits, and Crowley didn’t complain as the packages were piled up in the trolley.

He lingered in front of the ready-made sandwiches on display. Those would be excellent for a picnic, Crowley thought. He could take Aziraphales somewhere sunny and grassy, lay a big blanket down for the three of them, and treat them to an outdoor meal. The Aziraphales would probably enjoy a picnic a great deal. Wordlessly, Crowley took some packaged deli sandwiches and added them to the collection of tea boxes.

He thought about what else he could find in a supermarket that would make the Aziraphales happy. He took them around the shop, pretending to look at things and all the time watching what the Aziraphales gravitated towards. While Crowley glanced over some automotive parts, the Aziraphales marvelled at a container of lens wipes. Crowley handled a box of tiny stirrers while the Aziraphales rifled through the nearby row of popular books. Crowley ended up taking the stirrers. It wasn’t until Crowley stopped looking at things, and then they stopped looking at things, that he realised that they were just as curious about his choices as he was about theirs.

Crowley paid for the items. He stood around while they were bagged into the stupid reusable bags that he was too trendy not to use. He listened to the cheerful discussion that the Aziraphales had with the person bagging the items about the teas and how some teas were better than others. Then Crowley largely let the trolley push itself out of the supermarket while the three of them made their way back to the car.

Crowley was tossing the grocery bags into the boot of the Bentley, when Dark Aziraphale did something odd. He stopped and stared sadly at his reflection in the car window.

“What is it, angel?” Crowled asked.

“I wish I could take it back,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Falling.” 

Bright Aziraphale was so astonished that he stood still.

Crowley stopped where he was, too. He hadn’t expected to be talking about that today. He took off his glasses, so that Dark Aziraphale could see the concern in his eyes.

Dark Aziraphale said, “I wish that I could redo it. I should have Fallen in front of you, Crowley. It only happens once. It should have been with you.”

“Don’t say that,” Crowley said. “We’ve talked about this. There’s no ‘should have’ about it. There’s no reason you had to Fall in the first place. It was never something you made happen. It was just something that happened.”

“But it’s because I Fell that I’m with you.”

“That didn’t happen because of the Falling,” Crowley said. “That was all you, angel. We were always gonna get together. It was bound to happen. Or else B wouldn’t be with us. Remember?”

Bright Aziraphale smiled very happily. “That’s correct,” he said.

Dark Aziraphale smiled. “Yes… you’re right.” 

“Not that any of this matters,” Crowley said. “You’re Fallen now, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if your Fall ever did get reversed, just stick to being an angel, okay? Keep your love sense and your glowiness or whatever.”

Dark Aziraphale giggled gently. “All right,” he said. “I’ll stick to being an angel.”

That made Crowley feel a little better.

But that, unfortunately, was when something awful happened.

It wasn’t awful for very long, fortunately, but for the brief period that it was awful, it was hugely awful.

In an instant, Dark Aziraphale’s eyes fell closed.

“D?” Crowley said. 

But Dark Aziraphale had lost consciousness. He collapsed where he stood.

“D!” Crowley moved without thinking. He jumped at Dark Aziraphale, instinctually driven to save him from the harsh impact of the asphalt—but it was about to prove fruitless.

Crowley was, in fact, fast enough to catch him. He did hold him. He did whisper to him, repeating his name, trying to bring Dark Aziraphale back. But it was pointless.

Dark Aziraphale’s body disintegrated completely into the wind in Crowley’s arms. Nothing was left behind but the flower pins. The flowers fell lifelessly into Crowley’s hands, dreadful and mocking.

This was a nightmare. This couldn’t be happening. “No! No!” Crowley screamed, clutching the flowers. “No! No! No! No, please, God, no!”

“Crowley?” Bright Aziraphale asked calmly. “What’s the matter?”

Had Bright Aziraphale not seen it? “D’s gone!” Crowley shrieked. He spun and scrambled in a frenzy to grab Bright Aziraphale, who was looking dazedly at Crowley. The flower pins that were in Crowley’s hands fell everywhere. “Where’d he go? Where is he? Tell me where he is!”

“Who?”

“D!” Crowley cried. “Where’s D!” He shook Aziraphale repeatedly. “Did Heaven take him? Is he up there?”

“What are you talking about, my dear?” Aziraphale said. “Do you mean me? I’m right here.”

Crowley snarled at him like a lunatic. “Not you! Where is he? Where did Dark Aziraphale go?”

“He’s… I’m… I’m right here,” Aziraphale said, uncertainly.

“Fuck you,” Crowley screamed hoarsely. But he pulled Aziraphale close to himself, hugging him. “Aziraphale, angel, B, whoever you are, please, please, don’t play shit with me. What happened to him? Where is he? He’s in Heaven, isn’t he? I’ll get him back! I’ll go right up to Heaven and pull him out myself! Tell me he’s up there!”

Aziraphale patted him softly on the back. “Crowley… Listen… There’s no point in doing that. Please, listen.”

The defeated tone of Aziraphale’s voice was horrible. It thoroughly crushed the thin spark that was Crowley’s faintest, wildest hopes. Crowley whispered, “He’s gone…”

“Crowley, don’t worry. Calm down. It’s all right. Please. There’s nothing to be sad about.”

“No! Fuck you,” Crowley sobbed. “Fuck you.” The fire burning inside of Crowley crumpled into blistering ice. He held onto his beloved Aziraphale as tightly as he could. “He’s really gone, isn’t he? He’s gone,” he wept, “somewhere I can’t follow.”

Aziraphale asked quietly, “You really want him back that much?”

Crowley punched a weak, powerless fist into Aziraphale’s chest. “How dare you say that to me.”

Aziraphale didn’t say anything more to him. Quietly and softly, Aziraphale pushed Crowley away from him.

With eyes filled with tears and anger and horrific grief, Crowley stared at Aziraphale. Crowley was terrified. “Please… don’t go…” He couldn’t afford to lose this one, too. 

Yet Aziraphale ignored Crowley. He took a deep breath. “I am two people,” he murmured to himself. “I should go back to being two people.” Then, he bravely turned his back and stepped away.

Fresh panic struck Crowley. He reached out for his friend. “No, wait, Aziraphale—!”

But he couldn’t stop Aziraphale. Out of Aziraphale’s back, there was a sudden congregation of wind, light, and matter. It took Aziraphale’s shape, and seemed to suck in the air around it. A new, full Aziraphale was formed. It looked like he was being pushed straight out of the first Aziraphale’s body. This second Aziraphale stumbled forward. He was crying out, and doubled over in pain. Short, curly growths sprouted from the top of his head.

Crowley’s first reaction was fear and horror. He froze in very disturbed shock. 

But everything about this second Aziraphale was perfectly convincing and familiar. He was alone, pathetic, and suffering. Not to mention, he was dark. “Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale gasped desperately. “Help me. Please!”

The very next second, Crowley was on him. Crowley was crying his eyes out, and his heart was in ruins, but Crowley was going to help this Aziraphale no matter what. “It’s okay,” Crowley whispered, “I’ve got you.” He held the shaking form with passion and devotion. “I’m here, angel. You’re safe with me.”

“Crowley… I’m so scared…”

“Don’t be,” Crowley whispered as soothingly as he could. “Don’t be scared, angel. I’m here with you.”

“Crowley… oh, no… do you hate me?”

“No, don’t say that. I could never hate you. I love you, Aziraphale. I love you.” 

Dark Aziraphale sobbed, “My head… my horns…” 

Crowley knew what to do. As if by magic, the wind blew off the dust that the pins had gathered and brought them to settle in place on Dark Aziraphale’s head. 

There was a thankful, shuddering gasp. “Oh… thank you…” Deeply grateful, shadowy eyes looked up at Crowley. “My flowers…”

His flowers. A dangerous, impossible hope rose inside of Crowley. “D?” Crowley cried hysterically, “Is that you?”

Dark Aziraphale coughed. “Crowley… I’m sorry I left you… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to.” He laughed weakly, and then immediately groaned in agony and clutched at his stomach. 

Crowley nearly went insane with relief. He didn’t let go of him. He would never let him go again. “Don’t speak. You don’t have to speak. I’ve got you. You’ll be okay.”

To the side of them, Bright Aziraphale had opened the back seat door of Crowley’s car. “What are you waiting for? Get him off of the ground already!” he said to Crowley.

Despite his very mixed feelings towards Bright Aziraphale at the moment, Crowley didn’t need to be told twice. As quickly as he could manage, he pulled Dark Aziraphale into the Bentley and stayed close to him on the back seat. He kept Dark Aziraphale’s body curled up against the front of his own body. Thinking fast, he placed one firm hand on the back of Dark Aziraphale’s neck. “I love you,” Crowley whispered over and over to him. 

Dark Aziraphale held fast onto Crowley, as if the Bentley were speeding at over ninety miles per hour on a busy motorway. He was pressing himself into Crowley’s chest as hard as he could. “Crowley… thank you…” 

“Focus on my the feel of me,” Crowley said. “Think about me. Nothing else.” The fingers at Dark Aziraphale’s neck stroked solidly. “I’m with you. I’m all around you. Do you feel my hand on your neck?”

“Yes…” 

“That’s me, Aziraphale. That’s me holding you. It’s just you and me here. Just stay close to me. I’m not gonna leave you.”

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale groaned faintly. “Crowley… I’m sorry… so sorry… I Fell again… It was the only way. I needed to come back to you… you needed me…”

Crowley hushed him. “No, it’s okay. You’re here now. That’s all that matters. Stay with me. Please, don’t think about anything else. I’ll hold onto you.”

From outside of the car, seeming oddly idle and out of place, Bright Aziraphale hesitated to duck his head down to the level of the Bentley’s back seat and ask, “Excuse me, but should I drive us home? I don’t know if I can…”

Crowley kept hugging Dark Aziraphale into his own body. “Who are you supposed to be right now?” he demanded ferociously of the other one.

“Um… I’m Bright Aziraphale.”

Crowley growled. What significance did that name even have? This person could only be the original Aziraphale. “What did you just do? What the fuck just happened?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I’m… I’m not sure what happened.” His face twisted into a grimace. “I’m sorry. I’m very confused… I need a moment… Did I do something wrong?”

“You just remade Dark Aziraphale out of thin air,” Crowley hissed. “How can you not fucking remember that?”

“I did what?” Bright Aziraphale said, astonished. “Me?”

It was pointless. Crowley gave up. “Damn it! We’ll talk about it later! Get behind the wheel,” Crowley ordered. “When I tell you, stick this key in the ignition and pretend to drive.” He tossed the key unkindly at Bright Aziraphale. “The Bentley and I will do the rest from here. Got it?”

Bright Aziraphale failed to catch the car keys, which clattered onto the asphalt. Dutifully, he bent down and scooped them up. He nodded to Crowley and did as he was bidden without complaint. He closed the car door on Crowley and hurried into the driver’s seat, to wait for Crowley’s orders.

It was some time before Crowley told Bright Aziraphale to start the car. Crowley didn’t have the focus to spare for driving. He devoted his entire being to easing Dark Aziraphale through the pain and disorientation of Falling. Crowley whispered loving and reassuring things to him, promising him that Crowley would not let go of him and everything would soon be fine. Dark Aziraphale seemed to cling to his voice as well as his body. 

Crowley couldn’t believe he had ever wanted Aziraphale to Fall. Holding Dark Aziraphale as he Fell like this was one of the worst things Crowley had ever endured. He hated to see Dark Aziraphale suffering like this, while he was unable to put an end to it. It made him feel powerless. He was pouring all his love into Dark Aziraphale, and would continue to do so for as long as Dark Aziraphale needed him, but it could never be enough.

When Dark Aziraphale had finally stopped shaking and Crowley finally had stopped shaking, Crowley commanded Bright Aziraphale to start the car. Crowley stayed with Dark Aziraphale for the entire car ride back. If they made it home unscathed, it was nothing short of a miracle.

* * *

Once they were at Crowley’s flat again, Crowley carried Dark Aziraphale to bed as quickly as possible. 

By now, Dark Aziraphale was past the initial pain, confusion, and shock of his metamorphosis. He was dazed and weak, but nothing more. Bright Aziraphale, who was trailing behind them, seemed also to once again have a clear head on his shoulders. However, Crowley didn’t feel ready to talk to Bright Aziraphale yet.

In the bedroom, Crowley laid Dark Aziraphale down his bed, on his back. Crowley crawled over him. “Angel.”

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale murmured. He seemed grateful, but sad. ”Thank you.”

At the edge of the bed, Bright Aziraphale wasn’t sure if he was allowed to join them. He stood awkwardly.

“What do you want?” Crowley asked Dark Aziraphale. “Do you want anything? Do you need to rest? I’ll stay with you, if you wanna sleep. Or do you need something else?” Crowley kissed him on the cheek. “I can make you forget all about pain, if that’s what you want. I can make you feel so much better. It can be anything. Just tell me what you need, angel.”

“Crowley, please.” Dark Aziraphale’s begging grip on Crowley’s arms was dreadfully feeble. “There’s something I should tell you.”

“Whatever it is, it can wait, angel. Taking care of you is more important. I’m here to take care of you.”

“No, my dear. Please, it is important. I know the answer to this mystery,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I’ve remembered what I’ve done. I know who I am now. I have to tell you.”

“We can talk about it later,” Crowley insisted.

“It was me all along. I’m the one who got us into this mess.”

“Later,” Crowley repeated. “I wanna take care of you.”

“No, please, you don’t understand yet. You might not wish to be near me anymore, once you know the truth, Crowley. I’m not a clone. I never cloned myself. I cloned my body, but just the body. This body that I’m possessing is not real. I’m all that’s holding it together. It will crumble if I stop possessing it. There’s only one me, Crowley. Do you see?” He seemed sad. “There’s only one me. But I’m possessing two bodies at once. I’m possessing this one, and I’m possessing that one.” He pointed at Bright Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale smiled awkwardly, and even waved.

Crowley stopped. Now he was paying attention.

“I didn’t know,” Dark Aziraphale said, “because these two bodies do not share a brain. There’s no line of communication between us. It was not until we rejoined—or, should I say, not until I went back to possessing only one body—that all the memories of the two simultaneous possessions reconnected. That’s why I remember everything that happened to Bright Aziraphale, and I am certain that Bright Aziraphale remembers everything that happened to me.”

Crowley had never heard of such a thing. He didn’t believe it. “You’re…. Aziraphale… possessing two bodies?”

“It’s taking almost all of my power to do so, and now I realise that I can’t keep it up if these bodies are too distant from each other, but yes.”

Crowley couldn’t process it. It simply wouldn’t click in his grey matter. There were two Aziraphales, weren’t there? Hadn’t he spent the last month with two Aziraphales? But, according to Dark Aziraphale, the two Aziraphales that Crowley was in love with were not two. Somehow, there was only one.

“It wasn’t what I meant to have happen, Crowley. It was a mistake, I didn’t mean to put you in this situation. I am so sorry.” Dark Aziraphale tried to sit up, but he fell back onto the bed. “This all my fault, Crowley. I’ve done something terrible.” He sighed in shame. “This all happened because I tried to miracle myself Fallen.”

Crowley felt himself turn hideously bleak inside. He froze, horrified. “What?”

“As you can see, it didn’t work as I expected! What happened instead was that I created a fake Fallen body and possessed it, and I made myself forget what I had done. My possession of the cloned body only ended when I decided that I didn’t wish to be a demon anymore. I might have stayed that way permanently, if I hadn’t done that.”

As if Crowley gave a damn about any of that. “Why,” Crowley said slowly, “did you try to miracle yourself Fallen?” 

“Because I was broken, of course,” Dark Aziraphale said. His feeble hands gently caressed Crowley’s petrified face. “I couldn’t bear how I was hurting you, my dear. You wanted to be with me. I wanted to be with you. But my mind was torn. Even now, when the war is over and we are free to be together, I was too much of a coward. That is why I wished for you to have a version of me for you to love. I knew this was how you wanted me to be. If I let go of everything, and I ceased to be an angel, then there would be nothing left but you and me.” He smiled up at Crowley with good will and acceptance. “I know you’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done—for the trick I played on both of us—but did I at least make you happy? For a little while?”

Crowley was aghast. It was as he had feared at the very beginning. Aziraphale had chosen to Fall for his sake. Aziraphale had loved Crowley so much that he had changed himself for Crowley’s sake. “Angel,” he whispered. He blinked away his tears.

Dark Aziraphale was very sad. “When it all came back to me in the car park, and I saw how much you missed this body, I remade it for you. I’m sorry. I can’t seem to truly make myself Fall, no matter what I try. Isn’t that absurd?” He laughed a little, and it was wretched. “And I was so afraid of it, before.”

Crowley was wrecked. “Angel, shut up…”

“If this is my last chance to tell you, then please, let me say one more thing. Thank you for everything, Crowley. I acted too hastily in remaking this body—there’s no way you’ll want me anymore, now that you know the truth—but thank you for caring for me anyway. It was not so terrifying to Fall, when you were there with me. Thank you for holding me through it. I can never repay you enough for it. And thank you for everything else. For the past few weeks. They were so very wonderful. I’ll treasure them forever, my dear. Thank you letting us into your life. I’m sorry, I mean…” He shook his head. “Thank you for letting me into your life.”

Some life came back into Crowley’s soul. 

“Thank you for the flower pins, and the ribbon. I’m sorry that I never wore the ribbon. I’m afraid it didn’t suit me. But I never took the flowers off my head. They were precious to me. The bouquets of flowers that you gave me were so lovely, too. That was very romantic of you. I felt so wonderfully spoiled by you. Thank you for the dinners, too. We noticed that you still paid for everything, even though we were two-thirds of the bill. Um… I mean, I did. I noticed that. And thank you for calling me on the telephone.” Abruptly, Dark Aziraphale laughed. “Oh, my goodness, that duck metaphor. How absurd that was. I can’t believe I thought that would fool me. It didn’t fool me for a moment.”

His body shaking, his heart shaking, Crowley was helpless to the images of their brief, happy life together passing before his eyes. He didn’t want to let go of that. He wouldn't let go of it.

Dark Aziraphale’s voice grew quiet. “Crowley,” he said sympathetically. “Why aren’t you angry? Why aren’t you saying anything? Do you still want me? Would you prefer that I stay this way? Or would you like me to return to being one person? Please, tell me. I don’t know which would be kinder to you.”

Crowley didn’t answer. He was so confused. He had spent these last weeks convinced that he couldn’t live without either Aziraphale. To learn that they were the same person was a shock to his heart that he wasn’t sure how to deal with. Part of him longed to return to how things were yesterday. He wanted to do nothing but forget about all of this and lay both the Aziraphales underneath him and tell them how beautiful they were—and that was when Crowley remembered that he had still not talked to the other one. He turned behind himself to look at Bright Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale—Aziraphale’s true body—was staying far away from them. He was hanging back by the wall and rubbing his arm uncomfortably. When he noticed Crowley’s attention on him, he spoke with an attitude towards being considerate and helpful. “Don’t mind me. I can’t do anything about this body. I do apologise. I would remove this body, if I could. Please, ignore me.”

Now Crowley was angry. Bright Aziraphale’s standoffishness infuriated Crowley. In all their time as a trio, Bright Aziraphale had never stayed as far away from him as this. Crowley sat up, off of Dark Aziraphale. “Aziraphale,” he rasped to the distant one.

Bright Aziraphale answered meekly. “Yes?”

Crowley didn’t know much of anything, but he did know that he had to get that Aziraphale closer. Crowley needed him. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself earlier, but he still felt incomplete without him. “I really hate what you just said,” Crowley said, miserably. “You’re too far away for this. Come here.”

Bright Aziraphale approached cautiously.

Crowley asked, despite not wanting to, “Are you afraid of me?”

“No,” Bright Aziraphale said. “But you seemed to hate me. In the car park.”

Crowley flinched. That was true. Crowley regretted that deeply. He had treated Bright Aziraphale very badly. “Damn it,” Crowley said. “I don’t hate you. Now please, come here and sit down already.”

Bright Aziraphale obediently came close, near the edge of the bed, though he did not sit.

Dark Aziraphale looked at Bright Aziraphale with compassion and regretfulness. 

A ferocious energy coursed through Crowley’s veins. “Please, sit down,” he said to Bright Aziraphale, pointing down at an empty spot next to himself and the other side of Dark Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale hesitated. “That’s all right. I’m fine. I don’t need to sit. I’ll stand.”

“Aziraphale,” Crowley said. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m very sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry. I should not have done that. I don’t hate you. I want you here. I misunderstood what had happened. Now, please, sit down already so I can think. This is a lot to take in. I have to think about this.” 

Bright Aziraphale sat down.

Crowley held his face with his hand, and thought to himself. He couldn’t sit still, though. He was too jumpy. He jumped off the bed and marched around the room. He was sad that Aziraphale had felt himself so inadequate. He was angry that Aziraphale hadn’t warned him about any of this. He was confused about how one angel could possess two bodies. 

However, there was one emotion inside of him that was dominant over all of the others. When he thought back to Aziraphale sharing that fateful dinner with him, confessing to Crowley his fears of Falling and all the while secretly arguing within himself over his own failure to make Crowley happy, Crowley was overwhelmed by one very strong emotion. It was love.

For Crowley’s sake, Aziraphale had done something impossible. He had changed himself. He had chosen to Fall. It was not true Falling, but it was as real as Aziraphale could make it. Dark Aziraphale was genuine, in every way that mattered. For Crowley’s sake, he had swallowed his pride and thrown away the Heavenly identity that was holding him back. He was currently lying in bed, virtually unable to move, because he had thought that Falling was the only way to reach a place where he could make Crowley happy. Dark Aziraphale had been created for the sole purpose of loving Crowley better.

But that wasn’t all. Bright Aziraphale had been genuine, too. Bright Aziraphale was the gift that Aziraphale had never intended to give. Bright Aziraphale was the mistake. He was the body that Aziraphale could not get rid of. He was the one who Aziraphale was sure could not be changed. Aziraphale had been wrong about that. When Aziraphale had chosen change, it was inevitable that Bright Aziraphale would choose change, too. But, not having the power to Fall away from his angel identity, Bright Aziraphale had instead fought against his shame and his fears the old-fashioned way. And he had succeeded, with some help from the other two.

Both of the Aizrphales had been genuine Aziraphale. Not two different people, perhaps, but the same person twice over. In every moment, Aziraphale was talking to Crowley twice, seeing him twice, listening to him twice, even loving him twice. Crowley’s mind was starting to clear. He was beginning to see the light again. He was beginning to lose the unspeakable fear that he had merely been in love with illusions. They weren’t illusions. They were real. 

They were both Aziraphale. It was really that simple.

With that thought, the confusion inside of Crowley shattered. A sense of peace returned to him. For a second, he smiled to himself. Everything fell into place.

Crowley ceased his mad stride all over the room. “You think that the great, nice thing you did for me was to make yourself Fall,” Crowley said to the Aziraphales. “To change yourself. And, yeah. That was a nice thing you did for me. I don’t agree that you had to Fall to change yourself. We both know I’m right, anyway, since I ended up winning over both of you.” He came closer and leaned forward with one bed on the bed. His other hand held up two fingers. “But you don’t even see that you did two nice things for me.”

The Aziraphales waited anxiously for what Crowley would say next. Bright Aziraphale was now sitting cross-legged on one side of the bed. Dark Aziraphale was too exhausted to do anything but lie where he was.

“You didn’t just give me one Aziraphale to love, after all this time,” Crowley said. He lowered his two fingers in their direction. “You gave me two.”

The Aziraphales had not been anywhere close to expecting that. They were utterly floored. 

“What?” Bright Aziraphale exclaimed. “What? Crowley, are you thanking me for cloning myself?”

“But it was a mistake,” Dark Aziraphale said, and he was so alarmed by Crowley’s words that some strength returned to his frail body. “It was an accident. Cloning myself wasn’t the point at all.”

Bright Aziraphale added, “Aren’t you upset about this? Aren’t you furious? Don’t you feel that I deceived you? There isn’t two of me, Crowley. There’s only one of me. From the start, I’ve been deceiving you. You thought you had two of me, but you never did. This entire episode has been one enormous lie.”

Inside of himself, Crowley smirked. On the outside, he shrugged casually. “Nope.”

The amazed Aziraphales were at a complete loss for understanding.

“It’s not a lie. You’re two people,” Crowley said. “Just, you know…” He made a somewhat clumsy gesture with his hand. “Two people who happen to be one person.”

“How many times do we have to tell you that there is only person between the two of us?” Bright Aziraphale said.

“I think you’re confused, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said. “It’s very understandable if you are. I don’t blame you.”

“Nah.” Crowley decided that he did, in fact, have a handle on things. He showed his playful grin on the outside. “I’m not confused. I think I got it now.”

The Aziraphales exchanged confused glances.

Crowley wasn’t confused, though. He was good. He laid a hand on top of Bright Aziraphale’s. “I’m really sorry that I was such a bastard to you in the car. I’m sorry I swore at you when your other body vanished. You didn’t deserve that. I thought that you didn’t care about D. I didn’t realise you were also D.”

“No, please, don’t apologise to me,” Bright Aziraphale said passionately. “You were right to be cross with me! I understand how you felt perfectly. You ought to be more cross with me right now, in fact. You ought to hate me for playing such a cruel game with you, with these two bodies. For making you so upset.”

There was nothing cruel about the love Aziraphale had given him. “If you keep saying shit like that,” Crowley said, “I’m gonna have no choice but to kiss you, angel.”

Shocked, Bright Aziraphale stared at him. “What?”

“Actually, scratch that. I’m gonna have to kiss you anyway. I wasn’t very nice to you before. I gotta make up for that.” He moved closer to Bright Aziraphale. “Wanna kiss? That’ll make you feel better.”

Bright Aziraphale nervously licked his lips. “Um, well… that’s awfully generous of you, but…”

Dark Aziraphale watched with wide, hopeful eyes.

“I love you, angel,” Crowley said. “I love you more than anything. Do you still love me?”

“Was that ever in doubt?” Bright Aziraphale said, appalled. “Crowley, my dear, I love you very much.”

“Brilliant,” Crowley said. “Sounds like we should kiss. Wanna kiss?”

“Yes,” Bright Aziraphale whispered. His eyes were big, dewey, and vulnerable. “Yes. Yes, I want that.”

Crowley held Bright Aziraphale’s face in his hands, and kissed him. Crowley kept the kiss chaste, but long and tender. He used the kiss to communicate a promise to Bright Aziraphale that his feelings about him hadn’t changed. Crowley’s heart was still his. Crowley’s love for Aziraphale would stay true no matter how many bodies Aziraphale possessed.

Bright Aziraphale was panting for air by the time Crowley was finished.

There was a burst of pride in Crowley’s chest. He asked, “So we’re cool?”

“Of course,” Bright Aziraphale breathed. He was bewildered, but grateful. “Thank you…”

Satisfied, Crowley crept back onto the bed. He stalked his way over to Dark Aziraphale. “Now, then, angel.” He fingered the curls on Dark Aziraphale’s head. “How about you? You wanna kiss, too?”

Dark Aziraphale was only slightly less disbelieving than Bright Aziraphale had been. “Crowley, you can’t be serious. After everything I’ve done?”

Bright Aziraphale watched with wide, hopeful eyes.

“Everything you’ve done? You mean the Falling thing? ‘Cause I hated seeing you Fall,” Crowley said. “It killed me to see you like that. I don’t ever wanna see you Fall again. Never do that again, okay?”

“Um…” 

Crowley brought their faces very close together. “Promise me that you won’t do it again.”

“I… promise,” Dark Aziraphale murmured.

“Thanks,” Crowley said. “How about it? Wanna kiss and make up?”

Dark Aziraphale practically begged him, “Oh, yes. Yes, I do.”

Crowley kissed him softly on the lips. He dragged this kiss out for a long while, too. Crowley committed all of his humble reverence into the act. Then he kissed Dark Aziraphale under the lips, and on the jaw. “Are you and I good, angel?”

Dark Aziraphale held Crowley’s body weakly. “Yes, but… I don’t understand, Crowley. Why is this all right to you? Why are you glad that there are two of me? I thought you would feel that I betrayed you by cloning myself like this, but you still kiss me so sweetly. Why aren’t you furious with me?” 

“No, I’m not furious, angel. Let me tell you why.” Crowley balanced himself on one elbow to the side of him. With his free hand, he slipped his fingers through Dark Aziraphale’s. “You think this was all a bad accident, that you’ve hurt me or something. But that’s not how it was for me. I never thought it was bad. What part of it was supposed to be the bad part, exactly? Except for the part where you vanished. That sucked, massively. But the rest of it? Think about it. I got to take walks with two of you. I got to watch two of you eat the food that you like so much. I got to sit with you on either side of me on benches and things. Got to have two of you leaning into me. Or one of you holding me while the other one smiles at me a lot with that stupidly cute smile you got. But most of all, I think, I got to listen to you argue with yourself, and I got to know so much about you. I got to feel so close to you, like that. I got to finally know everything that goes on in that thick head of yours.” Crowley looked deeply into Dark Aziraphale’s eyes. “I had it pretty good, angel. I wouldn’t change what happened.”

Dark Aziraphale was utterly captivated.

“I had it good before the clone thing, too,” Crowley said. “I do miss you sitting next to me up front of the car. But the two of you also look pretty good in the rear view mirror.”

The Aziraphales were both deeply moved.

“So, D,” Crowley said. “Can I go back to doing what I was doing?”

“Um… what?” Dark Aziraphale blinked. “I’m sorry? What were you doing?”

“Taking care of you, angel.”

“Oh! Well!” Dark Aziraphale laughed awkwardly. “That’s not really necessary, now is it, Crowley? I did this to myself, after all! It’s very much my own fault. Please, really. You don’t need to do any more for me. I’m fine now.”

Crowley pointedly ignored most of what Dark Aziraphale said. He continued speaking as if Dark Aziraphale was simply ill and needed to be looked after. “Are you sure? Nothing I can do to make you feel better? Not even a little thing?”

Dark Aziraphale seemed to feel very guilty. “Crowley. You’re too kind.” 

“Hey, don’t feel guilty about it,” Crowley said. “You making yourself Fall is as much my fault as it is yours. I put the whole thing in your head, you know, remember? I’ve got a lot to make up for, here. So, are you gonna let me make up for it, or not?” He didn’t actually care about any of that, in reality. He just wanted some excuse to go back to making Aziraphale feel better. He wanted that very much. “So? Are you gonna let me keep taking care of you?”

Dark Aziraphale seemed bitterly torn between accepting or denying him. “Um, well… really. I’m not sure if I can ask this of you. My dear, it would be ridiculous of me to ask anything of you. You’ve done so much for me, already. I couldn’t possibly expect any more…”

“Oh, don’t make me beg for it,” Crowley said. “‘Cause you know I will. I’ll get on my knees and beg you, if that’s what it takes. You gonna make me do that, Aziraphale? I’ll do it.”

Dark Aziraphale didn’t hold it in anymore. “Would you please lie down with me and hold me?” he blurted out.

Crowley didn’t wait. He laid down beside Dark Aziraphale, and hugged him to his own body with one arm. The intimate closeness between their warm bodies made Crowley insanely happy. It felt so good to be hugging Aziraphale again. This was where he wanted to be. “I’ve got you,” he whispered. “I’m not letting go. I’ve got you.”

Dark Aziraphale instantly sank into the embrace, like he belonged in Crowley’s arms, like he needed to be there. “Oh, thank you,” he said, “so much.” His gratitude was deep and heartfelt.

“My pleasure, angel.” Crowley turned his head. “Hey, wanna join us, B?” Crowley wasn’t entirely sure that these nicknames were still applicable, but neither Aziraphale had corrected him on them yet, so he stuck to them.

Bright Aziraphale was surprised. “You’re talking to me?“

“Yup.” Crowley held his other arm out. “Come here, Aziraphale,” he said. “You, too. Just lie with me. It’ll be fine.”

Bright Aziraphale tentatively drew close to Crowley’s arm. When Crowley only smiled at him encouragingly, let himself fall against Crowley’s chest. He snuggled close against Crowley’s body and breathed a sigh of profound relief.

“See?” Crowley said. “I’ve got you. Everything’s gonna be fine. Nothing’s all that different now, is it? Everything’s fine. You like lying down with me, don’t you?”

“I love it, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale whispered. “Dear me, I love it. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.” He hugged Crowley tightly, unrelentingly, as if afraid of letting go.

A sense of completeness warmed Crowley’s heart. Crowley loved this, too. At last, Crowley understood why he had always felt incomplete when he was only close to one Aziraphale. It was because he needed to be close to all of Aziraphale.


	10. Day 27

The next day, Crowley tried cloning himself.

Well, that was after he remembered to take the groceries out of the Bentley. He had forgotten all about them yesterday, and had only remembered in the morning. He went out of the flat to retrieve them. He didn’t exactly apologise to his car for leaving food inside of it, but he generally gave the Bentley the impression that he was sorry about it, there had been extenuating circumstances, and Crowley wouldn’t let it happen again.

Crowley used his coffee press and the new ground coffee to make drinks for the Aziraphales. He was very happy to do it. They were now with him in the kitchen, sitting at the table. The Aziraphales had yet to revert back to one Aziraphale, even though Crowley knew that they could do so at any time. It was fine with Crowley. He actually preferred it, for the time being, at least. It made things easier for him.

He was in the middle of handing the second steaming coffee mug to Dark Aziraphale when he had a very appealing idea. “Hey, I bet I can clone myself, too,” Crowley said. “Wanna see me do it?”

While the Aziraphales were very glad that Crowley was in a good mood, neither Aziraphale was especially pleased by the suggestion.

“Is this really wise, Crowley?” Dark Aziraphale asked. “If you do that, then we will both be powerless.”

“It’s no problem,” Crowley said. “If we need some magic, then either one of us can go back to normal.”

“Yes, but…” Dark Aziraphale frowned. “Crowley, are you offering this out of some sense of fairness?”

“Nah. I just wanna see if I can.” He raised his dark glasses and teased them with laughing eyes. “Aren’t you curious also? I’m sure you wanna know if I can do it, too.”

The Aziraphales exchanged uncertain glances. Then they looked back at Crowley and nodded sheepishly.

Crowley thought back to the way Aziraphale had split himself. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” Crowley began to concentrate. “Uh. I’m gonna be two people now.” He tried to miracle his body to split in two. However, he couldn’t manage it. He wasn’t even close to understanding how to do it. It was like he was pulling a rope that simply couldn’t go any further. “Shit,” he murmured, surprised at his own complete inability, “this is impossible.”

“Did you firmly will that you are two people?” Bright Aziraphale asked.

“Uh… no. Okay. I’ll give that a go.” Crowley braced himself again, and willed, “Two people. I’m two people.” But there was nothing. He was asking the universe to make his body into two, and the universe was telling him that he was stupid for asking for something fundamentally impossible. How could Aziraphale have done this? “Nope. I can’t do it.”

“Really?”

“It feels completely impossible,” Crowley said. “Like trying to make something out of nothing. I know how to make one thing into two smaller things. But I can’t make one body into two like that. I might as well be creating a whole new body from scratch.”

Bright Aziraphale was thoughtful. “I never had that issue.”

Crowley was stumped. Maybe this was just a power that angels possessed and demons didn’t.

“Now that you mention it, though,” Dark Aziraphale said, “I did wonder about it a little.”

“Yes,” Bright Aziraphale agreed. “I suppose I did think it was odd, in the back of my mind.”

“When I created this body,” Dark Aziraphale said, “it was incredibly simple to do so. There was next to no effort on my part. It was as if my body already knew how to recreate itself from nothing, and I merely gave it instructions to do so.”

“Oh, and it wasn’t the first time that a body of mine came out of nothing,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Yes, now I remember. That’s why I didn’t think too much about this. It happened to me once before, when the Antichrist made a new body for me in Tadfield out of nothing. So it wasn’t new to me.”

Crowley tilted his head. He remembered that. “You think the body he made you works differently? That he gave it the power to defy the laws of the universe?”

“I highly doubt that even he could be so powerful.”

Dark Aziraphale said, “Perhaps my body pulls matter in from far away and recombines it into a new body. That is plausible.”

“Plausible?” Crowley said. “Barely. It would take a shitload of effort, for one thing. Besides, bodies aren’t that easy to create. No one wants that kind of power more than I do, but I guess it’s reserved for Antichrist and above.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be content in the one body, then, Crowley. It looks like you can’t clone yourself after all.” Dark Aziraphale smiled. “How unfortunate for you.”

“Yes,” Bright Aziraphale agreed slyly, “what a shame. Now I’ll never know what it’s like to be teamed up on by two Crowleys. I suppose you have no choice but to leave all the teaming-up business to me.”

Crowley smirked in amusement. If that was his fate, then he welcomed it with open arms. He didn’t quite agree with their conclusion, however. “Actually, there is still a way I can be two people, if I got things right.”

The Aziraphales stopped and paid him close attention.

“Make a third body,” Crowley said. “I’ll possess it.”

The Aziraphales laughed very hard. “No!” they cried. Their laughs were affectionate and long-suffering.

Crowley laughed, too. He didn’t mind. He vastly preferred looking at Aziraphale’s body to wearing it. Plus, they didn’t tell Crowley that he was wrong, so he got to enjoy feeling clever anyway. Giving up on the clone idea, he decided to pour himself some coffee and sit down to join Aziraphale’s two bodies for a pleasant morning.

* * *

It turned out that knowing the truth about the two Aziraphales changed surprisingly little about Crowley’s interaction with them. Possibly the Aziraphales behaved more freely than before and were in better agreement on a couple of topics, but in general everything was the same. Crowley continued to pay attention to both Aziraphales, and both of them were still affectionate with him. Everything was the same when the three of them went on strolls, watched films, or got drunk.

They were now drinking wine in Crowley’s living room. The two Aziraphales had taken to the sofa, and originally, Crowley had been happily wedged between them. Somehow, though, Bright Aziraphale had dropped to the floor and Dark Aziraphale’s head was in Crowley’s lap. Crowley was touching Bright Aziraphale’s hair with one hand, and Dark Aziraphale’s arm with the other. They were all very far along towards being quite smashed.

“So, whatever I do to either of you,” Crowley said with a bit of a slur, “you’re gonna remember all of it when you back to being one person. Right?”

“Yes,” Dark Aziraphale said, lazily.

“So f I tell one of you a secret or something, and then you go back to being one person, then that’ll be a fun surprise, won’t it?”

Dark Aziraphale whined. “Oh, be nice, Crowley. Going in and out of possessing two bodies is confusing enough as it is. I don’t need you making it any more complicated.”

Crowley could only imagine. “Yeah, I bet it’s real confusing.” It seemed to him that Aziraphale would have trouble keeping the memories apart from one another. “What’s it like to remember it all? Do all the memories get mixed up? Hey,” he asked eagerly, “what do you remember about that thing we did in the restroom at the Ritz? You still remember that?”

“Oh, I remember,” both Aziraphales remarked pointedly in unison. They glanced in each other’s direction. “It was very nice,” they both said, and then they weren’t sure which of them show go on talking. They gave up on it with a huff and went back to lying about.

Crowley chuckled drunkenly. “Good memories, I hope.”

“Yes,” Bright Aziraphale said. “It’s odd, though.”

“Very odd,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I remember it like it happened twice.”

That made Crowley curious. “Oh? You remember being different people? I thought everything would kind of fade together.”

“No, they don’t do that. It is more like two distinct sequences of events. I remember being in the stall with you, and I remember… um…” 

“I remember being in the stall,” Bright Aziraphale said, “and I remember looking at your feet under the wall from the other side.”

“Goodness,” Dark Aziraphale said, “looking at your feet. Dear me. That was terrifying.”

“Yes, it certainly was,” Bright Aziraphale agreed, “I was quite terrified.” 

This was where Crowley should have made a humorous quip of some kind, possibly about how there was nothing frightening about restroom stalls. Crowley couldn’t bring himself to do it, though, not even in his inebriated state. He whispered gently, “Can I ask why?”

Dark Aziraphale gazed up at him with a look of reverence and unworthiness, which Crowley thought was too much.

Bright Aziraphale said, “I was afraid of a lot of things, Crowley. I was afraid of how perfect we sounded together in there. I was afraid that I didn’t belong there, and that we would stop being friends. But there’s one fear in particular that stands out to me right now. I was afraid that the other me was being selfish with you!”

Crowley’s brow went up. Selfish? That was ludicrous. Dark Aziraphale had given Crowley exactly what he asked for. “Are we talking about the same thing?”

“Yes!” Bright Aziraphale went on stubbornly. He downed another dose of liquid courage, and exhaled. “I can’t believe you don’t see it, my dear,” he said. “I was expecting you to ask him to attend to your own body. But that’s not what you did at all. You wanted to attend to his body, of all things! It was preposterous.” He groaned. “I couldn’t understand it! After how badly I treated you, you still wanted to make me happy! You are insufferably nice to me.”

A lopsided smirk quirked across Crowley’s lips. So that’s how it was. “Oh, I get it. ”

“Wonderful,” Bright Aziraphale said, with a tone of finality. “Then I don’t have to explain any more!”

Crowley did his best not to laugh gleefully. Crowley had tried to clarify it before, but it seemed Aziraphale still did not understand how much Crowley loved to give things to Aziraphale. Even when Crowley was out of his mind with desire for Aziraphale’s touch in the restroom, Crowley’s unfulfilled desire to satisfy Aziraphale had been Crowley’s top priority. “I guess you feel bad about being selfish with me, huh?”

“Is that supposed to be a rhetorical question?”

Crowley smirked wider. His angel was too kind for this world. “What about the you who was in the stall with me?” Crowley asked. “Did that Aziraphale feel bad about being selfish, too?”

“No. I didn’t understand, either, but I wouldn’t say I felt bad. Ah, no, wait, this is too confusing. Other me,” Bright Aziraphale said, with a wave of his hand at the sofa, “you be Dark Aziraphale. Tell Crowley.”

Dark Aziraphale, who had until now been silently mesmerized by something in Crowley’s face, said, “I understood that you wanted to make me happy. It seemed to make you very happy, too, that I use your body. Though, I had no idea why.”

Crowley asked, “Do you know why now?”

“Um…” Dark Aziraphale wore an adorably pensive expression. “It’s because you’re nice.”

“So you learnt nothing, basically.”

The pensive expression gave way to indignation. Dark Aziraphale sputtered. “Well! You are nice!”

“Did you like it, angel?” Crowley asked in a low tone, and the mere act of asking the question sent excited shivers through his own body. “Did you like when the first thing I did—when I was longing and desperate for my first time with you—was to get on my knees and get you in my mouth?”

There couldn’t have been a more appealing reaction to his question. Dark Aziraphale, immediately growing cutely flustered, covered his face with both hands. “C-Crowley!”

It took every ounce of willpower from Crowley not to burst into laughter filled with merriment and delight. He was outrageously pleased with himself. “That good, huh?”

“Yes!” Bright Aziraphale answered him boldly, from down below. “Yes, it was that good!”

Crowley grinned widely. He felt overjoyed and thrilled. That was what he had been hoping for in the Ritz. He had been hopelessly eager to fill Dark Aziraphale’s body with ecstasy.

Dark Aziraphale groaned. “Oh, goodness. How can I be saying that right now.”

“You already know the answer to that,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Because he loves it! He loves doing things for us. For whatever reason.”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not the one up here!”

“Yes, I know. You’re quite comfortable on his lap, aren’t you? You must be very, very comfortable.”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake. If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking—!”

“I think that we’re both thinking the same thing,” Bright Aziraphale said blithely. “It would be so wonderful if you would be selfish with Crowley again right about now.”

“Ah, no! Don’t put those thoughts in my head,” Dark Aziraphale whined into his palms, “Oh, goodness, I’m too drunk! Don’t make me think about it. We’re drinking.”

“What about if we all stop drinking?” Crowley asked, as casually as he could manage, which was unfortunately not very casual. “Then can we do it?”

Dark Aziraphale’s hands fell off of his astonished face.

“Uh, you know, I’d like to do something nice for you,” Crowley said, somewhat shyly. “If you’d like it.”

Dark Aziraphale bit his lip, but Crowley could feel the way his body shuddered at Crowley’s suggestion. “You’re…” Dark Aziraphale took a deep breath. “You’re really quite amazing, Crowley.” He smiled self-consciously. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this much love from you.”

That made Crowley feel light and funny inside. “Oh, so you’ve got your angel love sense back?”

“No,” Dark Aziraphale murmured, in an unbearably sweet manner. “I don’t.”

Crowley’s heart fluttered. 

“Would you please make us sober again?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

Crowley swallowed down the kindness pouring out of Dark Aziraphale, and willed away the intoxication of everyone in the room. Their heads all jerked at the sudden change, which no amount of miracles could make any smoother. Once they were all done recovering themselves, though, Crowley was quick to focus on Dark Aziraphale again. He asked, “So, uh, what would you like?”

For a moment, Dark Aziraphale seemed to still be getting over his body’s transition out of drunkenness. There was a fascinating, dazed aspect to his expression. However, that look of fascination did not leave him when he whispered bashfully to Crowley. “Does it truly make you happy to do something nice for me, my dear?”

“Trust me, I am seconds away from begging,” Crowley said. “Maybe about four seconds.”

Dark Aziraphale giggled. “Oh, Crowley. Well, in that case. If it’s not asking for too much… Oh dear, I can’t believe I’m about to ask you this.” The bashfulness in his voice was reflected on his cute, overmodest face. “Would you please use your magic on my body?”

Crowley, being unusually dull for a moment, asked, “Uh, what do you mean? Like I just did with the alcohol?”

“Well, yes, like you just did, but…” Dark Aziraphale trailed off suggestively. 

From the floor, Bright Aziraphale laughed gleefully with excitement, which made Dark Aziraphale bite his lip.

Now, Crowley understood. “Oh.” That remark fuelled the eager smile wreaking havoc across Crowley’s face. The words were on all their minds, but it was Crowley who said them. “Oh, I get it. You want me to use my magic to make love to you.”

Bright Aziraphale laughed again.

Dark Aziraphale was kept biting his lip a few seconds more. Then, he couldn’t contain his excitement. “Goodness, Crowley,” he laughed, “I don’t know how you can say such words so carelessly!”

“It’s what you asked for, though, right?” Crowley said. He felt very blessed and fortunate that the Aziraphales were being so free and fun with him, and he wanted to show them how much he appreciated it. “All you needed to do was ask. I’ll do the rest. I want to.”

Again, there was unworthiness and veneration in Dark Aziraphale’s eyes.

Crowley stroked Dark Aziraphale’s curly hair. “Come on, don’t be like that, angel. You’re always worth it to me. That’s what I mean when I say I love you.”

Dark Aziraphale was a beautiful mess. “Please, my dear,” he whispered. “Please. You can do with my body however you wish to. Please. I want that very much.”

“Awesome,” Crowley said. “Is this okay with you, B?”

“That depends,” Bright Aziraphale said playfully. “Am I allowed to sit here and listen?”

“You really gotta ask?”

“All, well, then. I think that answers both of our questions.”

“Fantastic,” Crowley said. “Okay. How ‘bout the neck, first?”

“Hm?” Dark Aziraphale didn’t understand what Crowley was talking about—until he felt it.

Crowley willed a sweet, heavy sensation into being under the skin of Dark Aziraphale’s neck. With the force of his will alone, he stroked along the skin underneath the collar of Dark Aziraphale’s shirt.

Dark Aziraphale was too dazed by the sensation to describe it.

“Do you like that?” Crowley asked with focused intensity. This felt outrageous and reckless. This was equivalent to a shameless trespass onto holy ground, except that it wasn’t a trespass. Crowley had been fervently welcomed in. Dark Aziraphale wanted Crowley’s magic inside of him. The invitation was exhilarating.

“Oh… yes.” Dark Aziraphale seemed dreamy and fascinated. “Yes. That’s very nice.”

“Not too weird?”

“Not at all.” 

“Feels okay?”

“It’s very nice!” Dark Aziraphale insisted. “It feels like… like a stream of warm water.”

Crowley could have breathed a sigh of relief. Once he was sure that he was putting the right amount of strength into it, Crowley willed his magic further down, and across the expanse Dark Aziraphale’s still-clothed chest, running it from shoulder to shoulder, stroking across Dark Aziraphale’s tired body. The feeling was meant to be warming and soothing. He carefully increased the firmness and tenderness of the feeling.

“Oh, goodness,” Dark Aziraphale gasped softly. 

“Too much?”

“No, it’s lovely. Different… but lovely.” 

Crowley watched Dark Aziraphale react to him with endless interest. Crowley’s hands remained on Dark Aziraphale’s hair and arm. It was nice, having Dark Aziraphale on his lap like this. “Can I tell you something?” Crowley said abruptly. 

Dark Aziraphale rained acceptance and kindness down on him. “Yes?”

Crowley was hard-pressed to describe exactly what he was feeling. “I, uh, I like that you’re comfortable like this.”

“That is so kind of you, my dear. Ah…” Dark Aziraphale’s body shuddered sweetly, as Crowley willed that his arms were caressed and adored. “Can I tell you something?” he asked.

There was the swiftest of nods in reply. 

“On your lap… feeling your magic…” Peacefully, Dark Aziraphale closed his eyes. “I feel very safe like this.”

Crowley’s heart skipped a beat. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make things good for you, angel,” he said quickly. “To protect you. I’ll protect you with all the power I’ve got.”

Dark Aziraphale seemed to believe him completely.

As much Crowley wanted to keep Aziraphale safe, though, he hadn’t done a good job of it lately. Aziraphale had a bad tendency for getting himself hurt when Crowley wasn’t around. Crowley was going to have to work on that later. Maybe he ought to seriously consider putting a baby monitor in the bookshop, so he could always know when Aziraphale was in trouble. He wondered if Aziraphale would allow him to do that.

Dark Aziraphale’s head rolled back, and he gave a small, relaxed moan. “Ah, Crowley…” The streak of magic inside of Dark Aziraphale devoted itself to the curves of his upper and lower back. “This is so nice.”

A heady excitement kindled inside of Crowley. “I like doing this for you, angel,” Crowley said. “I like it a lot.”

“Then you can do this to me whenever you like,” Dark Aziraphale said happily.

Those sweet, syrupy words further inflamed the passion inside of Crowley, steadily stoking it into a raging fire. He was definitely putting a security camera or something in the bookshop. No harm would come to Aziraphale ever again, if he could help it. He was definitely going to protect him. 

As Crowley willed the pleasant sensations further down, and very carefully had them shift into something less relaxing and more stimulating, Dark Aziraphale moaned again. “Oh my goodness…”

“Still good?

“Please, more.”

Crowley was greedy to oblige him. He was generous with his magic, but he was careful not to go too far into any direction that might frighten or alarm. He avoided the most sensitive area of the butt. He longed to linger in all of Dark Aziraphale’s sensitive areas, but decided it wasn’t worth the risk. Instead, he moved the sensations down into the legs.

“Crowley, oh, my dear, this feels… so good… It feels so nice…”

“I was already planning the rest of our lives out, you know,” Crowley said on impulse. He hoped, belatedly, that it wasn’t too digressive to mention it. “I was gonna find the perfect place for the three of us.” He curved the magic down into the ankles and the feet. “Someplace with a lot of space for us. The two of you could have all the books you want. Like in one of those programmes about people who pack their houses with things. But ours would be full of books. That was the plan.”

The shivers that shook Dark Aziraphale’s legs were not of Crowley’s own creation. “And,” Dark Aziraphale asked, “space for your plants?”

Crowley grimaced. Sometimes, his angel was so kind to him that it hurt. “Are you kidding? I hate plants. Plants are awful, insubordinate little pests.”

“You love your plants,” Dark Aziraphale said.

Crowley felt tingly inside, and this time, it wasn’t his building excitement. He bent his head down, raised Dark Aziraphale a little, and gave Dark Aziraphale a slow, affectionate kiss. Dark Aziraphale meekly accepted the kiss, and Crowley made sure to treat him with nothing but reverence and care. “Want more, angel?” he asked.

“Yes, please, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale murmured. “Please.”

Crowley willed the streak of pleasantness back upwards, into the inner legs and thighs. He willed the zip of Dark Aziraphale’s trousers to fall, and eased apart the clothes enough to provide for the room that they would need. “Just relax, I got it,” he murmured to his trembling, eager angel. “I’ll make it good.” He willed his magic a bit further up, into Dark Aziraphale’s abdomen, and then slowly down. As he went, he endowed the exhausted body with vigour in only the places where Crowley decided vigour should be.

“Oh,” Dark Aziraphale broke into a needy whimper. “Oh, goodness, Crowley,” he whined, “please. Please, Crowley.”

Crowley loved the beautiful sound of those imploring words. “Anything for you,” he murmured. “Anything you want.” The magic permeated all the way downward, down to lick at Dark Aziraphale’s partially-hard length. Crowley willed tiny, experimental sensations of urgency and arousal into Dark Aziraphale. He tried to start small. But it was still awfully thrilling to do. 

It was even more thrilling to watch. Dark Aziraphale was spellbound.

“That’s good?”

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale murmured. “Oh. Please. Yes. That feels so nice.”

“I’m gonna bring you off like this, angel.” Crowley dropped the floodgates on his magic, and let it diffuse down completely through Dark Aziraphale’s groin, letting it flow naturally without forcing it. 

It had exactly the effect that he was hoping it would have. Dark Aziraphale moaned helplessly. His body twisted into the feeling that was inside of him. “Oh… Crowley… oh my goodness…!” 

The arching of Dark Aziraphale’s body on top of him sent another heady wave of need through Crowley’s increasingly exhilarated body. But Crowley ignored his own body. He idly rubbed Dark Aziraphale’s arm, as he guided the flow of his miracle back and forth inside of Dark Aziraphale. “You better be paying close attention to how it feels, angel,” he whispered, feeling very impish for what he was about to say. “You gotta make this a good memory. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you go back to being one person and these two memories come back to you.”

Both of the Aziraphales’s bodies jumped, particularly Bright Aziraphale’s. Bright Aziraphale had seemed to forget about himself, until now.

Crowley gladly went on, “Are you listening to us, B? I love doing this to you, you know. This is perfect for me. I could do this all day. I got my magic in you, making you feel good, making you hot for me…” He flicked a spike of his magic back down through Dark Aziraphale’s inner thighs, as if he were kissing them.

Dark Aziraphale whimpered keenly.

Bright Aziraphale jumped again. “Crowley…”

Crowley felt very smug. “Yes? You want some, angel? Don’t be shy. Plenty to go around.”

Bright Aziraphale turned around, and the determined intensity in his face took Crowley by surprise. “No, thank you,” he said. “I want something else. Would you please hold the other me off of your lap? I would very much like to join you on the sofa.”

That sounded very promising to Crowley. He began to lift up Dark Aziraphale’s shaking body and bring him to his side. 

But Dark Aziraphale was quick to find his own position. He hastily sat upright. His hips pulled against the side of Crowley’s thigh and gyrated against them, grinding against him with every flow and ebb of the Crowley’s magic inside of him. The grind of their clothes wasn’t enough for Dark Aziraphale, though. He tore down his trousers, kicked them off, and rubbed himself against Crowley. He wrapped his arms around Crowley’s neck, and buried his shy face into Crowley’s shoulder, and moaned continuously. And he was doing all of this in front of this right in front of Crowley’s very fascinated eyes.

Crowley’s trousers were painfully tight now. He couldn’t think straight. For a moment, he merely stared, with lips parted in wonder. He was entranced by Dark Aziraphale’s blatant, unabashed desire for him.

Bright Aziraphale sat on the other side of Crowley. He pulled himself to Crowley’s side calmly. It was a stark contrast to the needy behaviour of his counterpart. “Could you remove some of your clothes for me, please?” he asked sweetly. “And spread your legs, please? I would love to touch you.”

All breath was sapped out of Crowley. The image alone of spreading his legs for Bright Aziraphale was enough to make his hips jerk with desire. He spread his knees wide. He snapped some fingers, and all of his clothes vanished from his body. He probably didn’t have to remove all of his clothes, but if he was going to get rid of his trousers, he thought he might as well go all the way.

Dark Aziraphale made an appreciative moan. He kept grinding himself against Crowley’s body.

The arm that Crowley had wrapped around Dark Aziraphale pulled him in closer, with soft but possessive force. This felt so right to Crowley.

Bright Aziraphale said, “Thank you very much! And, um, oh!” He politely held out an upturned palm. “Can I have some cream, please? That would be very helpful.”

Crowley eagerly snapped again, and lubricant coated Bright Aziraphale’s hand. This time, Crowley remembered to warm it first.

“Thank you! You’re such a dear.” Bright Aziraphale smoothed out the substance between his palms. Then he wasted no time. He slipped his hand onto the weight between Crowley’s legs, and stroked.

Crowley whimpered loudly, and he threw his head back. It was bliss. It felt amazingly good, and he craved to have even more. He longed to thrust into that hand and ride it with abandon. “Oh, fuck… angel… fuck, that’s good.” He tried to focus, though, on continuing to move his magic inside of Dark Aziraphale. 

Bright Aziraphale glanced a couple of times at Dark Aziraphale’s body rutting against Crowley. Then Bright Aziraphale sped up his pace a little. 

When Crowley realised that Bright Aziraphale was deliberately matching the rhythm of Crowley’s magic flowing inside Dark Aziraphale, Crowley moaned deliriously. It made him feel like he was making love to Dark Aziraphale with his own body.

“That was a very sweet thing you said, about finding space for us,” Bright Aziraphale said calmly. “If you want to find some place that we can share, I would be interested. But there’s no rush, my dear. I’m happy with the way things are. Even when I thought I was two people, I was happy with how things were. I was never bothered to share my bookshop with myself. Yet you must have been very concerned about making sure the two of us had the space we needed. You are so very considerate, Crowley.”

“Fuck, Aziraphale,” Crowley murmured. “You feel so damn good.”

“Crowley, please,” Dark Aziraphale moaned into Crowley’s bare shoulder. “Please, more. Please.”

Crowley was restless to give Dark Aziraphale everything he wanted. He didn’t know what more to give him, though. “What do you need, angel? What do you need?”

Dark Aziraphale looked up at him with eyes that were glazed over with need. “You missed one part of me,” he whispered. “Please, can you touch that part of me? I want you to touch all of me. Please.”

Crowley turned very sheepish. That seemed like a very big trespass. “You’re… you’re sure?”

“Please, Crowley, I want that so much.”

Obediently, Crowley willed his magic to stretch away from Dark Aziraphale’s crotch, to extend down under, around his underside, to the hole of his butt. Crowley’s magic inched over the surface, creeping inside, caressing the nerves with feelings of nothing but pure pleasure.

Dark Aziraphale was deeply intrigued and gratified. “Oh… that’s so… that feels so amazing…”

But Crowley could do even better. Crowley knew exactly how to make the sensations even more intense and memorable for Dark Aziraphale, and he was greedy to make use of that knowledge. He curved his magic deeper inside, upwards, until he hit the spot that he was looking for.

A loud, gratified moan exploded out of Dark Aziraphale. He buried his face in Crowley’s skin again. “Oh goodness, Crowley! Oh, that’s so nice, please, keep doing that, right there, please, don’t stop…” 

“Fuck,” Crowley muttered wretchedly, thrusting just a little into Bright Aziraphale’s hand. He couldn’t stop himself from closing his eyes and imagining that he was thrusting inside of Dark Aziraphale, that Dark Aziraphale was in ecstasy because of Crowley’s body. But Crowley couldn’t forget that he was thrusting into Bright Aziraphale’s hand, either, and that made things all the more insane and exhilarating. 

Bright Aziraphale asked him, after a little while, “Does this feel nice, my dear?” 

“Yes.” Crowley’s voice was hoarse. “It’s so fucking good. It feels like I’m fucking him, inside of him.” Crowley wasn’t sure he should be using that harsh word to describe what he was doing to Dark Aziraphale, since the act felt anything but harsh. It felt like making love. But Crowley was too crazed with lust to correct himself.

Bright Aziraphale hummed. “Dear me, you rather are, though, aren’t you? In a manner of speaking.”

Crowley groaned madly. “Oh, damn it, angel…”

“I do hope you’re not holding back at all. You’re making him so happy right now. He loves it so dearly when you go wild with him.” Bright Aziraphale sighed fondly. “You make him feel so very special, Crowley. He loves being with you.”

“Angel, please,” Crowley whined, “please, this is too good, I can’t take it.”

“Do you feel how special you are to me, when I do this to you?” Bright Aziraphale asked. “I would do anything you like. I want to make you be selfish, too. Oh, dear, I hope that’s not bad of me to say. I only wish to give you everything your heart desires. I want to be so good to you, Crowley.”

“Fuck, you are good to me.” Crowley could feel every single one of Dark Aziraphale’s luscious shudders from the inside of him. “You’re so good to me, angel.”

“I’m trying to be,” Bright Aziraphale said cheerfully, it made Crowley ache in more ways than one. “I want to be the very best Aziraphale that I can be. Please, tell me what you’d like from me? Whatever it is that you dream of, I’ll bring it to life for you.”

“I wanna… wanna…” Crowley gasped. “Please, angel, I wanna feel you use me. Use me, please, please, I’ll do anything.”

Bright Aziraphale seemed to understand what he was asking for. He leaned in close and whispered, “But I am using you. You feel so good and needy in my hand, and it seems to me that you feel very nice in my other body, too. You said that it felt like you were taking him from behind, yes? Come to think of it, it’s been a few times now that I’ve entered you from behind, but you’ve never done that to me, have you? You make it look very nice. Is it nice? I think I would like to use you to find out. Would you do that for me, Crowley? Would you stay in this excited state for me, so that I could use you inside my body, too?”

Crowley was beyond comprehending how good that sounded. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

“Oh, but please, finish properly with my other body first. You’re making love to him right now, aren’t you? You look like you’re enjoying it. He must be enjoying it so much, too. You should ask him about how happy you’re making him.”

Crowley didn’t know if his heart could handle it. But he did what Bright Aziraphale asked him to. He shook Dark Aziraphale’s arm a little, trying to get his attention. “Aziraphale… Aziraphale… ”

“Crowley, oh please, my dear, I love feeling you inside of me,” Dark Aziraphale murmured passionately into Crowley’s shoulder. He kept moving his body as he spoke. “I love this so much. Please, don’t stop. I need it so much. It’s so good, so marvellous. You make me so happy, I wish you could be inside of me like this forever. You feel so good inside of me. I feel so warm, so safe, so cared for. You take such good care of me. I want this from you so much.”

Once again, Crowley was compelled to use the force of his willpower to keep his body from giving out. It had taken a precipitous amount of effort, but he had done it. He would have lost it, otherwise, and he couldn’t let himself do that until he’d satisfied Bright Aziraphale.

His body’s near-release must have had an effect on his magic, however, because at the same moment, lightning passed through Dark Aziraphale’s body. He mewled aloud with flawless bliss, and instantly reached his own release against Crowley’s leg. With Crowley’s name on his breathless lips, Dark Aziraphale very gradually slowed his movements until he was not moving at all, merely snuggling against Crowley. He moaned softly at the last traces of pleasant magic inside of his body that Crowley was terribly reluctant to remove.

When Dark Aziraphale came to a stop, so did Bright Aziraphale. Bright Aziraphale turned his attention to removing his own clothes and preparing himself.

Crowley whimpered at the loss and begged Bright Aziraphale, “Please, angel, please… let me do that for you… I wanna do it for you…” 

“I’ll only be a moment,” Bright Aziraphale said. “Why don’t you see to Dark Aziraphale first?”

Dark Aziraphale was affectionately hugging Crowley like he was half-asleep.

Having no other outlet for the swirling need and emotions inside of him Crowley kissed Dark Aziraphale’s face over and over. “Angel, angel. I love you. You’re so beautiful.” His hands glided all over Dark Aziraphale’s body, stroking devotion into every curve and miracling the mess clean when they encountered it. Crowley wanted Dark Aziraphale to be comfortable.

Dark Aziraphale appreciated the touches. He sighed in contentment. 

Somehow, the fact that Dark Aziraphale was fully sated and relaxed, while Crowley’s body was a quivering wreck, made Crowley’s nerves stand delightfully on end. He wanted Dark Aziraphale to be content, because of what Crowley had done to him. He wanted to be useful like this. 

“That was wonderful, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Thank you so much.”

“Can’t believe you let me do that to you,” Crowley rasped. “Fuck, it was good.”

“Of course I’d let you do that to me.” Dark Aziraphale smiled up at him with blinding amounts of love and happiness. “I trust you, Crowley.”

Crowley groped inwardly for his willpower again. His will had never failed him yet, but if it ever was going to fail him, he wouldn’t be surprised if that time was now.

“I’m ready, now,” Bright Aziraphale said. 

Crowley immediately turned to him.

Like Dark Aziraphale, he had removed his trousers. He pulled himself over Crowley’s lap. “I think I understand how this works,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I prepared myself.” He held Crowley’s arms.

However, Crowley murmured, “Can you turn around and lean forward a bit? I’ll hold you.”

“Oh. Certainly.” Bright Aziraphale faced his back towards Crowley and settled himself onto Crowley’s lap again, with his feet curled beside him, and bent over. “Like this?”

That was better. It was the perfect angle for Crowley to give Bright Aziraphale exactly the same treatment as he had given Dark Aziraphale, only with a physical body this time. Crowley’s throat was too dry for him to say anything so he swallowed and rasped, “Yeah. Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

Crowley held Bright Aziraphale’s hips. Instead of thrusting into him, however, Crowley miracled some lubricant onto his own fingers, and gently pushed them into Bright Aziraphale’s already wet hole. He wanted to make sure the way with smooth. Despite what Bright Aziraphale had said, Crowley wasn’t going to enter him until he was absolutely sure that Bright Aziraphale was fully prepared. Crowley would never let himself hurt his angel.

“Ah,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I told you. I’m ready.”

“Just making sure,” Crowley said. Bright Aziraphale had done a good job, but Crowley longed to make this as good for Bright Aziraphale as possible. He was here to be of service. Plus, he had another good reason to probe with his fingers. He curved one finger inside of Bright Aziraphale, rubbing, searching for the spot that he had found inside of Dark Aziraphale—

Bright Aziraphale shuddered bodily. “Oh!”

Crowley grinned. He curled his finger again.

“Oh! Oh my goodness!” Bright Aziraphale gasped. “Oh my goodness, that feels incredible.”

“Good.” Crowley pulled his hand away. “This is gonna feel so good for you,” he murmured. He tilted Bright Aziraphale’s body down further, and with a solid grip on Bright Aziraphale’s hips, he eased his aching length inside. Crowley was on his fire, but he took his time. His mind was devoted entirely to the task of maximising the pleasure that he could give Bright Aziraphale.

Crowley must have hit the right spot immediately, because Bright Aziraphale moaned, “Oh, oh, please, more, Crowley, please, yes, don’t stop…”

“Sure thing,” Crowley murmured. He rocked leisurely into Bright Aziraphale, despite how his body was pleading with him to pound away. “You know, angel, I should tell you. Getting fucked from behind isn’t always this intense. When I’m taking it from you, I go crazy over just the feeling of you rubbing into my arse. I don’t need it to be intense. I like it long, and slow, and satisfying. But I’m not up to being patient right now. I’d hate myself if I didn’t make this unbelievably mind-blowing for you.”

“Please, Crowley, it feels so good, more, keep touching me there, please…” It was obscene how fully and easily Bright Aziraphale’s body slid along Crowley’s length. Even the sound of it was intoxicating to Crowley.

“I wanna come so bad right now,” Crowley murmured, as he pulled and pushed the hips in front of him. ”You have no idea. I want it so fucking much, I wanna beg you for it so bad. But I wanna feel you get off on me even more. I wanna see you get off on me.”

“Crowley, Crowley… oh, my goodness…”

“I like keeping a hold over myself for you.” Crowley’s voice was so deep and throaty that it surprised even himself. “Feels like I’m making things hot for you, when I do it. Making things good. Making my body do exactly what you want it to, just to get you excited. I wanna be so exciting for you. Fuck, I have it so bad for you, angel.”

Bright Aziraphale whimpered over and over. His body was excited and willing in Crowley’s hands, wantonly taking everything that Crowley had to give.

Dark Aziraphale ran a gentle finger over the snake tattoo next to Crowley’s ear.

The touch startled Crowley. It felt oddly thrilling on his hot, needy body. While still taking care of Bright Aziraphale, Crowley looked at Dark Aziraphale.

“I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself, my dear,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Yes, this is very exciting, but you are exciting just the way you are. Haven’t I told you this already? Well, I suppose there’s no harm in reminding you. You are very handsome and charming. You excite me when you simply drive up in your sleek car and tell me to get in. You used to excite me when you would send me notes back in the day, telling me to meet in the usual place and to go alone, et cetera, et cetera. You even excited me when we teamed up to take on the world during the end-of-the-world fiasco. You tended to come up with the most extraordinary schemes. I’ll admit, I used to think you were too exhilarating for me, but I’m over that now. Now I can confess that I’ve always loved that part of you.”

Crowley was about to reply, but Bright Aziraphale let out a very distracting moan, and Crowley almost forgot to speak. “Aziraphale,” Crowley said with effort, “shit. Too much to focus on. Tell me later.”

“Oh, too busy for conversation, are you?” Dark Aziraphale raised his nose at Crowley. “Fine, my dear. As you like. I’ll tell you about something else, and you can sit there and listen. Well, maybe not sit, exactly—never mind. Anyway, let me tell you something. You said before that you were planning out a future with the two of me. I think it’s only fair to tell you that my other self and I were thinking along similar lines. We’re done with the weeks and months when I wasn’t with you, don’t you? I love you so much, and I don’t see why we shouldn’t always be together. We’re a bit of an item, now, you and I, aren’t we? We’re much closer now than the friends we used to be. It only makes sense that we start planning our lives around being together.”

Crowley didn’t know it was possible to be this outrageously aroused and happy at the same time. Yet, here he was. He was so surprised and stupendously glad to hear that Aziraphale, too, wanted to share a future with him. Aziraphale really did love him that much. That made him shed a few tears, even as he kept making devoted love to Bright Aziraphale.

“You can even consider the bookshop as much yours as it is mine, if that is acceptable. That’s what romantic partners do. They share things. I thought about having a duplicate key made for my bookshop for you, but I hesitate to even mention that, because I know you don’t use keys. I think the real matter of concern is that you and I should always be able to find each other. No more losing contact for years until we run into each other by accident. I still haven’t made much use of that mobile device you gave me, but I’ve heard that it can be used as a location marker. The other me and I have asked some of our customers about it, and all of them told us that they use their mobile devices to keep track of loved ones. Perhaps you could show me how we might use it that way. I’m not very quick with new-fangled technology, but I’ll do my best. Maybe I’ll get the hang of it in fifty years or so.”

Bright Aziraphale let go. “Oh… Crowley…!” He whined and spasmed around Crowley’s body, riding Crowley’s continuing thrusts without inhibition. Bright Aziraphale was shameless about how much he loved the feeling of using Crowley’s body to find release. He squeezed every last ounce of satisfaction that he could out of his contact with Crowley’s body. When Bright’s Aziraphale’s body was calm again, he collapsed back, half into Crowley and half into the sofa. He curled cutely against Crowley, seeming perfectly relaxed and content.

Crowley was outright mad with desire. He could feel his own heartbeat in his hard, leaking length. He hugged Bright Aziraphale close, and dutifully willed that Bright Aziraphale was clean. Crowley pleaded to him, “Can I come now? Please? Please? I wanna.” Crowley was holding tightly onto both Aziraphales now.

“Oh, my dear,” Bright Aziraphale said sympathetically. “You’re crying.”

“It’s fine. It’s nothing. It’s good. Please. I wanna come, angel. Can I?”

“Without one of us touching you, my dear?” Bright Aziraphale said. “Goodness, no, that wouldn’t be satisfying for you, would it?”

Dark Aziraphale said, “Can I do it this time?”

“Certainly,” Bright Aziraphale said. 

Dark Aziraphale dragged his hand from Crowley’s snake tattoo, down his chest, to sweetly stroke Crowley’s still-slick need.

It was agony and rapture. It was wonderful. “Oh, fuck, yes, please, more, keep doing that.” Crowley shamelessly met the strokes with his hips. He was hopelessly eager, and he wanted the Aziraphales to see it. “Please,” he whispered frantically. “Please, please.”

“Sh, no need to panic,” Bright Aziraphale said to him, from one side. “Just think about how good it’s going to feel.”

“We love you very much,” Dark Aziraphale said to him, from the other side. “I love the way you feel. Doesn’t my hand on you feel so nice?”

“Yes,” Crowley sobbed. He loved being the centre of Aziraphale’s world like this. “Yes, yes. Please. Let me come. I wanna come. Please.”

Bright Aziraphale wiped away the tears in Crowley’s eyes. “My dear. Let it happen. We want to see it happen.”

“Go on, my dear,” Dark Aziraphale said, pumping insistently with his kind hand. “You don’t have to wait anymore.”

Crowley didn’t wait anymore. He let go, and immediately, the urgency fell away into pure gratification and everything was perfect. He was as overcome by the acute sensations of pleasure as he was by the feelings of emotional intimacy and closeness that he had with Aziraphale. Aziraphale would stay with him. Aziraphale would always be with him. They would walk the Earth together for the rest of time, hand in hand, talking together as they always had, but also smiling and laughing together as they had never done before.

He really didn’t have to wait anymore.


	11. Day 28

The twenty-eighth day was the final day.

It was late afternoon, nearing nighttime. Once the bookshop had shut its doors for the last time that day, Crowley had pulled himself out of the shadows and taken the Aziraphales for a drive. It was supposed to be a surprise, Crowley had said, and so the Aziraphales did not ask him where they were going, despite the rather long duration of the trip. In any case, the ride was pleasant. The Aziraphales were very chatty and energetic, often to the point of finishing each other’s sentences, though they were too polite to actually do so.

They had been treating each other differently ever since discovering that they were the same person. It wasn’t a bad change. In fact, a weight seemed to have been lifted off their shoulders. Bright Aziraphale and Dark Aziraphale had not seemed so at ease around one another, before. Their stiffness, which had lately dwindled to a trickle, was entirely gone. Bright Aziraphale had never been this free with himself. Dark Aziraphale had never allowed himself such a firm presence as this.

While on the motorway, and feeling more interested in listening to the Aziraphales than in watching the road, Crowley asked, “Are you the same B and D as before? Just asking.”

“What do you mean by that?” Bright Aziraphale asked.

“I get that it’s just you in two bodies, angel,” Crowley said, even though such a fact was still somewhat mind-blowing, if he thought about it too hard. “I get that you got split in two again. But you probably didn’t get split in exactly the same way the second time, right?” A small, illogical part of him was sad at the thought. “Like a glass of water,” he said, and he was reassuring himself as much as he was asking Aziraphale. “It never gets split in half the same way, right?”

“Um, no, not exactly,” Bright Aziraphale said. “That’s a very neat metaphor, but that’s not how it is for us. It is more like… like…”

“Like the same water being swished constantly between two glasses,” Dark Aziraphale said. “The water is being swished around so quickly that both of the glasses appear full.”

Crowley thought about it. “Hm. Okay,” he said. “That’s good. I get it. So you are the same B and D. ‘Cause you’re always A.”

When the Aziraphales pouted affectionately in the back seat, Crowley took it as a compliment.

After just over an hour and a half, Crowley parked the Bentley at the side of a stretch of open road. The Aziraphales had taken to staring out their windows for some time now, declaring how breathtaking the scenery around them was, and when Crowley opened each of their doors for them, they were amazed as they marvelled at the landscape stretching all around them.

It was like stepping back in time. Except for the road and the orderly, colourful squares of cultivated farmland in the distance, there was nothing around them but fluffy trees and nature’s lawns that stretched for miles. Crowley had deliberately parked his car at a high vantage point, so that the view would be excellent for the Aziraphales. All around them were gently rolling hills. There was tall, thin, yellow grass and short, wide, green bushes. There weren’t any humans near them, though Crowley was sure he could see somebody running with a dog along the grass from far away.

“This is beautiful,” Bright Aziraphale said.

“It’s simply dazzling,” Dark Aziraphale agreed.

“Glad you like it,” Crowley said. He knocked his knuckles lightly on his car, and the boot opened for him. A covered, rectangular picnic basket inside was oversized and a little unwieldy, but Crowley hooked it over his shoulder like it was nothing. “Come on,” he said excitedly to his companions. “I know the perfect spot. You’re gonna love it.”

The Aziraphales were very pleased. They were delighted and full of wonder. “A picnic!” Dark Aziraphale said passionately. He was glowing with his enthusiasm. “How romantic!”

“That is so sweet of you, Crowley,” Bright Aziraphale said.

Crowley played off the compliments with a smirk and a casual shrug, when really they were ambrosia to his heart. “There’s a bit of a walk, first,” he said, to warn them.

“Ah, that is no trouble,” Dark Aziraphale said.

“That sounds lovely,” Bright Aziraphale added. “We won’t go too fast, will we?”

“Nope,” Crowley said. He knew that Aziraphale liked to take things slowly.

It was a very easy walk. Calling it a hike would have been an insult to hikes. The late summer air was refreshing, and the mounds of soft grass were pleasant underneath their feet. Crowley lazily kept the basket on his shoulder, and his other hand in his pocket. The relative simplicity and solitude of their surroundings reminded Crowley of a long-ago time, when he had first walked the fresh surface of the globe. Usually, he had kept a solitary vigil. Sometimes, though, he had been privileged to the company of someone kind, appreciative, and gentle—someone who ran counter to the aggression and roughness of everything around them. 

In those days, he and Aziraphale had let their wings fall freely from their backs. “Have you got two sets of wings, now?” Crowley asked, as he thought about their wings.

“Oh, I doubt that,” Bright Aziraphale said.

Crowley gave a good-natured smirk. “So you don’t know.”

Bright Aziraphale’s nose wrinkled. “Well, I suppose I don’t know.”

“Certainly, I ought to not have any wings,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I do not have the other aspects of a Heavenly angel.”

“So what?” Crowley said. “I’ve got wings.”

“Yes, that may be,” Dark Aziraphale said, more uncertainly than before. “However, this body is fake. It doesn’t make sense for the wings to be attached to it.”

“Yeah,” Crowley agreed sarcastically, “it doesn’t make sense. The cloning thing, the thing about splitting yourself, that makes perfect sense. But splitting up the wings, oh, yeah, I can see how that’s completely absurd.” 

Dark Aziraphale laughed. “Stop it, Crowley!”

“Are you suggesting that we each have one wing?” Bright Aziraphale said, also with a giggling smile.

Crowley felt very at peace, at the moment. He had a half of Aziraphale to either side of him—each of the Aziraphales always gravitated to him, like that—and there was nothing to dislike about being surrounded by the gaiety of his best friend. “I bet you did,” Crowley said. “Split up the wings, I mean. You would have noticed, otherwise. Can’t you both feel if you’ve got them or not?”

“Um, it’s hard to say,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I think that I feel them.”

“As do I. They can’t seem to come out, though,” Dark Aziraphale said. “It’s too difficult.”

That intrigued Crowley. “Not enough strength even for that?” He wondered. “Hm. Maybe I can see where they are. You know. Yank them out for you.”

The Aziraphales gasped at him, pausing in their stroll, as if he’d said something incredibly vulgar.

Crowley, too, stopped. He blinked. “What?”

“Um… nothing!” the Aziraphales both answered him curtly, their hands clasped behind their backs in the same identical position.

Crowley’s head tilted to the side. “They’re just wings, right?”

“Of course,” Bright Aziraphale said, calming himself. “Of course, they are merely wings. Hardly anything for us to be surprised by.”

“Although,” Dark Aziraphale said, his tone rising into hesitantly suggestive levels. 

Bright Aziraphale groaned.

“Hold on,” Dark Aziraphale said softly to him. “I think it’s not as bad as you imagine.”

“Oh, you don’t think so?” Bright Aziraphale was a bit irritated. Mostly, though, he was bewildered. “How is that we can be of different opinions on this?” he said. “We are the same person! I know that you are me, and think as I do. We stopped being the same mind only a few days ago.”

“We’ve already learned that we can disagree, when our experiences differ,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I have a very good reason for not agreeing with you about this. You weren’t the one who… um… how should I say it…” Dark Aziraphale’s eyes rolled about, searching for one of his charming substitute phrases. For once, he didn’t find anything suitable. “Oh, dear me,” he sighed, “I can’t say it.”

Crowley pulled his hand out of his pocket and raised an unobtrusive finger. “Uh, I’m still here, you know, if anyone’s interested,” he said noncommittally. “I can help. I’m good at helping.”

The Aziraphales gazed on him with gratitude and fondness. “My dear,” Bright Aziraphale murmured, in awe of Crowley, though Crowley wasn’t sure why.

“That is very generous of you, Crowley. On the other hand, perhaps it would be simpler for me to release this body, and reunite us,” Dark Aziraphale said. “Then all of me will understand what I mean. No discussion necessary.”

“Yes,” Bright Aziraphale said, tentatively. “That is true.”

“No,” Crowley said. He refused to let them set a precedent for avoiding talking about Aziraphale’s problems. He treasured this insight into the thought process of Aziraphale too much. “That’s not how we do things, angel.” Then, because that sounded too demanding for his liking, he added facetiously, “You’ll hurt my feelings if you leave me out of it, you know. I’m very easily hurt. I’m made of glass, on the inside.”

It worked fabulously. Bright Aziraphale rolled his eyes.

“All right,” Dark Aziraphale said. “I won’t.”

Bright Aziraphale, too, quickly gave in. “All right.” He shook his head. “All right, we’ll discuss it instead. Dear me. All of this arguing between my two bodies. This is not at all the behaviour that one friend ought to display in front of another. I’m embarrassing myself in front of you. I must seem such a frightful mess to you, Crowley.”

“Uh, yeah, you totally are,” Crowley said slyly, “but that’s nothing new.”

The Aziraphale gave him the most wonderfully embarrassed, incredulous scoff that Crowley had ever heard.

Crowley would have to fist pump to celebrate his success later. “So,” he said proudly. “What’s so bad about me pulling your wings out?”

Again, there was a nervous reaction from both Aziraphales. It wasn’t a negative reaction, however. There was something interesting and appealing about it, even. Neither Aziraphale was eager to clue Crowley in on what it was about. But each of them seemed to know that the other one would say something objectionable, if he was allowed to speak first.

Bright Aziraphale beat the other one to it. “The space where I keep my wings is not exactly open to the public,” he said. “It’s private.”

“Too private?” Crowley said quickly. “That’s fine.” He meant for it to sound reassuring. He understood, too. Wings were part of an angel’s true form, and the place where they were kept was a vulnerable one. Crowley wouldn’t hide any part of his true form from Aziraphale, but that was Crowley. It made sense if Aziraphale didn’t think that way. Aziraphale was simply more private than he was. It didn’t necessarily mean Aziraphale loved him less.

Bright Aziraphale grimaced unhappily at Crowley’s unconditional acceptance, however.

“No!” Dark Aziraphale said with sudden decisively. “It is not too private!”

“It rather is,” Bright Aziraphale murmured to him.

“No!” Dark Aziraphale crossed his arms. “It is not. You are lying to yourself for no good reason. You don’t understand that there’s nothing to be afraid of. I thought we were clear on this already. There’s no reason to hide anything from Crowley. But it’s plain to me why we disagree. You’re not the one who…” he stumbled over his words again. “Crowley,” he declared.

“Yeah?”

“Tell him which part of my body you avoided,” Dark Aziraphale said, his face breaking about with anxiety, “when you had your magic inside me.”

Crowley’s head fell back. “What?”

“Please, answer the question, if you would be so kind,” Dark Aziraphale said.

“Uh… avoided?” Crowley repeated. He was stalling. So much for being helpful, he realised dimly. 

“Yes. Please. It is important.”

“Uh… “ Crowley now felt that he was the one standing in the centre of a harsh spotlight. “I, uh…” Memories of willing Dark Aziraphale to pleasure in bed were not at all complementary to their current wilderness excursion, either. Nevertheless, he answered as Dark Aziraphale wished him to. “I didn’t avoid anything.”

“Are you sure about that?” Dark Aziraphale asked dubiously, suggesting that he knew Crowley wasn’t being entirely honest.

Crowley groaned. “Really, angel? This is important?” 

“Immensely important!”

“Fine, if you’re serious,” Crowley said, cringing inwardly for having to say it. “I avoided your bum. At first.”

“Why did you do that?” Dark Aziraphale asked calmly. “You don’t like that part of me?”

Crowley hesitated. “This really doesn’t seem important, angel.”

Dark Aziraphale’s stubborn, adoring, hopeful eyes begged Crowley to speak, however.

“Okay, okay.” Nervously, Crowley readjusted the weight of picnic basket on his shoulder. “Fine. Didn’t wanna scare you,” he muttered, wishing that he could have avoided making Bright Aziraphale uncomfortable like this. “That’s why. I thought it’d be too personal. Thought it would scare you,” he muttered again, lower.

Bright Aziraphale raised his head.

“You see?” Dark Aziraphale exclaimed sharply to Bright Aziraphale, which was quite a surprise to Crowley. “You see what harm we do to him, when we hide ourselves from him? You think you’re sparing him from something distasteful, but we’ve pushed him away so many times that now he thinks we’re afraid of him. Are you glad about that? I’m certainly not. This is Crowley we are talking about!”

Crowley was stunned.

“Of course I’m not afraid of him,” Bright Aziraphale said. “You’re mistaken. We’re not doing him any harm. That’s silly. It’s quite the contrary. You’re overselling us. Our wings are not pleasing to look upon. I’m saving him the trouble of it. I’m being courteous!”

“You’re being insecure. You may think you’re distasteful, but Crowley does not. I would have said that there was no more distasteful part of us than our rump,” Dark Aziraphale retorted, “but that’s not what Crowley thinks! He was excited to! He loved to! When he asked me if he could put his magic there, why, I’ve never seen Crowley more like a sheep!”

“Sheepish,” Crowley corrected quietly. He couldn’t believe himself for saying it. He ought to have slapped himself for it. He wanted desperately to transform into a snake and crawl under a rock. He felt dreadfully exposed. Normally, he was all eagerness to be exposed in front of Aziraphale, but this was something else.

“Yes, sheepish. Thank you, my dear. It’s the same with the place where we keep our wings,” Dark Aziraphale went on, to Bright Aziraphale. “Sharing that part of us with him would make him ecstatic, not disgusted. You want him to touch our wings as much as I do. It doesn’t matter that they aren’t as nice as his. Our body isn’t as nice as his, either, but that never seemed to make a difference to him. I’m certain that it would make him very happy to, to,” he waved his hand around, then found a suitable word and said, “extract our wings.”

Bright Aziraphale huffed. “I have just had an epiphany,” he said. “I see, now. I enjoy humiliating myself in front of Crowley. That’s why you say all of these outrageous things to me in front of him.”

“Not at all!” Dark Aziraphale said. “It’s only too easy to see how foolish I am being, from the outside. Come now, you’re wasting time.” He walked around to the back of Bright Aziraphale and nudged him forward. “Go on. Tell him.”

Bright Aziraphale whined, “Now this is just childish—”

“Say it,” Dark Aziraphale said. “It’s easy. Say, ‘Crowley, I want you to extract my wings.’”

Bright Aziraphale was pouting, and shaking. “You sound just like him, when you talk like that,” he said. 

“Look at him,” Dark Aziraphale pressed. “We want to let him see that part of us, don’t we? He asks for so little as it is. Why should we keep anything from him?”

Bright Aziraphale didn’t disagree with him. There was a timed bomb of emotions ticking down behind Bright Aziraphale’s nervous, adorable face. Five, four, three…

“Just think of how happy he will be,” Dark Aziraphale said.

“Angels,” Crowley whispered, feeling unexpectedly overwhelmed by what he was hearing, “c’mon, stop this. You don’t have to—”

“Crowley!” Bright Aziraphale’s fists balled up at either side of his body. The bomb went off. “Wait, please! I do! He’s right! I want you to pull out my wings!”

Crowley was silent.

“Please, I’m not just saying it!” Bright Aziraphale pressed. “I’m not afraid of you, my dear. I love you. He’s right, I don’t want to hide from you. I’m sorry. It’s foolish of me to be evasive. That’s what the old me would have done. I don’t want to be like that anymore. You can touch any part of me that you want to. I love when you touch me. Nothing feels better than when you touch me. If it doesn’t bother you, then you can even touch my wings.” This outburst was short-lived however. It left a vulnerable Bright Aziraphale behind in its wake. His eagerness settled down into an old sliver of doubt. “If…. If you want to,” he mumbled. “I know they’re not as tidy as yours. I apologise. I’m assuming too much.”

Crowley held his hand out to Bright Aziraphale.

Bright Aziraphale, fascinated, took his hand.

“I love your wings,” Crowley said. His heart was full of unconditional fondness. “Of course I love your wings. I love your body, too.”

Dark Aziraphale, in an unusual display of tact and generosity, managed to resist telling his double that he told him so.

Bright Aziraphale smiled. “My dear,” he said. “Do you want to touch my wings?”

“Yes,” Crowley said.

This seemed to amaze and delight Bright Aziraphale. He turned around, away from Crowley and towards Dark Aziraphale. “Go ahead, Crowley,” he said. “Please. See what you can find.”

Crowley felt like he was dreaming. He was honoured to be given this privilege. It was a privilege that he hadn’t even known about until just now, but now that he knew how seriously Aziraphale took the matter of touching his wings, Crowley took it seriously, too. Gingerly, he felt the back of Bright Aziraphale’s coat. He reached for the wings hidden in the space between. He could see them, white and scintillating and beautiful, but they weren’t solid enough. He couldn’t seem to hold onto them. “Sorry. No can do, angel,” he said, stepping back.

Bright Aziraphale sounded disappointed. “Oh, bugger,” he mumbled to himself. “And after all that.”

“Does he not have wings?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

“He sort of does. Sort of doesn’t.” Crowley shrugged. “They’re kind of there. Not really all the way there, though. Maybe halfway.”

“You were right, after all, then,” Dark Aziraphale said. “That explains it. We must both have the wings. Ah, I guess that means neither of us has a working set, though.”

Bright Aziraphale spun back around to face Crowley. Crowley hadn’t noticed before, but Bright Aziraphale appeared to be very dazed, and was looking at Crowley in a curious manner.

Crowley tried not to feel too nervous. “Eh, that was okay, right?” he asked. “Angel?”

“You weren’t bothered by what you saw, Crowley?”

“No.”

“Really?” Bright Aziraphale cried, excitedly. Without warning, Bright Aziraphale beamed cheerfully, blindingly, like the sun coming out of a solar eclipse. “Oh, Crowley!” he said sweetly. “I’m so glad to hear that!”

Crowley almost fell over from how relieved he was. He nearly thanked a higher power for hearing those words from Bright Aziraphale. “Damn it,” he said, smiling madly, “you’re gonna give me a heart attack if you keep putting me through ups and downs like this, Aziraphale.”

“Oh, I am sorry,” Bright Aziraphale said. “I don’t want to do that.”

But Crowley wasn’t annoyed or angry. He was too happy to be either of those things. Before he was aware of it, he was laughing madly. He rubbed palm over his face. “Oh, angel, angel. You’re way too cute, you know that?”

The Aziraphales smiled widely. They were as happy as he was.

They resumed their walk.

After only a little while longer, Crowley brought them to one particular hill. It was without and nearby shade to obstruct the darkening sky above them. He dropped his basket, removed a blanket from it, and rolled it out with as much stylish flare as he could. He tempted the two Aziraphales to join him on it, and together the three sat for their evening meal. 

As always, Crowley spent less time actually consuming food and more time lazily admiring the Aziraphales’ enthusiasm about everything. They spoke with high praise about the food, the ground, and the trees. None of it was especially extravagant. The food was ready-made, the ground was simple, and the trees were plain. That didn’t affect how happily the Aziraphales delighted in every part of it.

After they had finished their food and Crowley had thrown their miraculously clean dinnerware back into the basket, the Aziraphales thanked Crowley for the splendidly romantic picnic. Crowley, being his typically inwardly infatuated and outwardly humble self, told them that it was no big deal.

“But this isn’t just me taking you two out on a picnic, angels,” he said. “I didn’t bring you all this way just to eat sandwiches on the grass.”

“You didn’t?” they both said.

“Nope. That part was good, but there’s something else. Something I want to show you.”

The Aziraphales couldn’t guess what he meant, but they were all eagerness anyway.

“Lie down with me,” Crowley said. He stretched himself out on the picnic blanket, and held his arms out to both of them.

There was a very piqued, provocative expression on the faces of both Aziraphales that made Crowley laugh again.

“No, nothing like that,” Crowley said, smirking. ”Just lie down with me. That’s it.”

Bright Aziraphale curled up into one of his arms. Dark Aziraphale took the other arm. They were all on their backs, and looking up at the sky. Crowley removed his tinted glasses, and set them on the grass. He wanted his vision to be completely unobstructed.

“What are we doing, my dear?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

“Just look up,” Crowley replied.

The timing had been almost perfect. The brightest stars above them began to sparkle in the nighttime sky. The twilight of the sun wasn’t quite gone enough yet, however.

“The stars?” Bright Aziraphale asked.

Crowley said, “Wait for it.”

Above them, star after star reached them with their brilliant light. In no time, the sky was full of a startling chorus of bright, shining lights. It was nothing like the view of the barely visible stars that they could see from their homes in the city. Out here in the country, the sky above them was a rich tapestry of twinkling celestial bodies.

“Oh, Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale said. “They’re beautiful.”

“They are so bright,” Bright Aziraphale said, marvelling.

Crowley tilted his head to him. “Hey, just like you,” he said.

Bright Aziraphale gave him a sharp look.

“Sorry,” Crowley said, turning back to the stars. He wasn’t sorry. 

“Crowley,” Dark Aziraphale asked, “why are the stars so bright? What is this place?”

“We’re in a dark sky reserve. One of only two in England. It’s a place where the sky gets really dark and the stars get really bright, so people come here to look at the stars.”

“A reserve?” Dark Aziraphale echoed, astonished. “Like a wildlife reserve?”

“Yeah,” Crowley said. “But for darkness.”

“Ah, how nice.”

“Yeah, it’s cool.”

They looked up at the stars in comfortable silence for a while.

Then, Bright Aziraphale said, “I want to be one person again.”

“Why?” Dark Aziraphale asked.

“There’s something I want to tell Crowley. It’s about something from a very, very long time ago. I can say it as I am now, but I would rather say it as I originally was. As I was when it all started.”

Dark Aziraphale didn’t question him further. He turned his head towards Crowley. “Is that all right with you, my dear? I can always duplicate myself again later.”

“Sure,” Crowley said.

“You don’t mind?”

“Nah, it’s fine. You can go back to being one. One of you is good,” Crowley said. “One of you is easier. Hurts my brain less.”

“Ah, I can assure you,” Dark Aziraphale said with good humour, “the same is true for me. Although, you do seem to appreciate having two of us around.”

“Yeah, I won’t deny it’s fun, angel,” Crowley said. “But I already appreciate having one of you. I fell in love with one of you. You don’t have to rip yourself in two for me to love you.”

Both Aziraphales were too moved to provide a witty comeback.

Still, the loss of the second body didn’t come as easily to Crowley as he would have liked. “This means this body of yours is gonna go away again, though.”

“I’m afraid so,” Dark Aziraphale said.

Crowley sighed through his nose. He hated to let Aziraphale go, even if he wasn’t really letting him go. “Your hand,” he stated firmly. “I’m gonna hold it.”

Dark Aziraphale was understanding. “Certainly, my dear,” he whispered. Their hands held one another’s. “I won’t let go.”

It was pointless, but still, Crowley was glad.

Dark Aziraphale let his head fall back. He looked up at the stars again. Then his body went still, and there was no longer a presence inside of him. A second or two later, the empty body faded into the wind. The airborne flower pins fell listlessly onto the empty space of the blanket. 

Bright Aziraphale’s hand immediately latched onto Crowley’s.

Crowley turned to him.

“I told you,” Aziraphale said to him, softly. His gaze was tilted up and resting among the stars. “I won’t let go.”

There was no reason for Crowley to be sad. Yet there were tears in his eyes, anyway. “Angel,” he murmured.

Aziraphale said, “Aren’t the stars so beautiful? Look at them, Crowley.” 

Crowley looked up, too. “Yeah.” He had always thought that the stars were magnificent. Of course he would think so. He had helped make them, after all.

Aziraphale smiled serenely to himself. “Earth was my first love,” he said. “I did not know what love was, until I came to know this planet and the loveliness of the life that dwells upon it. Earth was not the first place that I sensed love, however. You say you never sensed love from the other angels while we dwelt in Heaven. I cannot make the same claim. I sensed love from one other angel. It was distant, but it was distinct, and I still remember it well. I felt someone’s love for the stars.”

“You better not get all sentimental on me, angel,” Crowley whispered.

“I sense that same love right now,” Aziraphale said.

Crowley hissed, “Didn’t I say not to get sentimental?” He was crying for real, now, if only a little. He clutched Aziraphale’s hand very tightly in his own.

“Sometimes I wonder if you still want to go to Alpha Centauri.”

Crowley thought about it sometimes, too. “No. Not really. This planet is fine. It’s more interesting here. More stuff happens. Besides, aren’t we supposed to be protecting it or something? It’s not like anyone else is gonna.”

“Our friends will.”

“Who? The humans?”

“Yes, the humans. The Antichrist may still have some power left, for all we know,” Aziraphale said. “And Ms Device.”

“Uh, I should probably tell you,” Crowley said. “I sent her a message a while back. I asked her about the clone thing.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to hear her answer. She got back to me, by the way.”

“Well, what about now? Do you have her letter with you? Can I see it?”

“Text message, angel,” Crowley said, fondly. “She said there weren’t two Aziraphales. She knew for a fact that there was only one real, same-old, un-Fallen Aziraphale.”

“Really? How did she know that? Dear me, she must be more powerful than I expected.”

Crowley was about to answer that he didn’t know what she’d done, but then Aziraphale didn’t need an answer.

“Ah!” Aziraphale exclaimed cheerfully. “Of course! I see what she did.”

Crowley twitched. “What?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?”

“No, it bloody well isn’t!”

“Oh, don’t be upset,” Aziraphale said. “It’s simple. She must have asked our young friend Adam.”

“Who? The Antichrist?”

“Yes, him! My dear, you shouldn’t treat humans so lightly. Adam is more powerful than even we are. He would know everything. At least, he was. He is a friend of Ms Device. He would be more than capable of answering her question.”

“So he has got his powers, still?”

“It would seem so.”

“Great. We’re off the hook. Let’s book it to Alpha Centauri.”

Aziraphale laughed. “You are terrible, Crowley.”

“Just kidding,” Crowley said. He was telling the truth. He didn’t feel like leaving Earth.

“Crowley, my dear?”

“Yes, angel?”

“Do you still wish to touch my wings?”

“You mean it?”

“Oh yes, but I’m afraid you’ll have to take them out for me first. I’m far too lazy. I really can’t be bothered to bring them out myself.”

Crowley threw his arm over his own face and laughed hard.

Aziraphale listened to his laugh with glowing contentment.

“Oh, sure, but how about in a bit, angel?” Crowley said. “I wanna stay like this a little longer.”

“Yes, of course,” Aziraphale said.

There was another long, gentle space of silence. Then Crowley spoke again.

“I like looking at the sky and the stars,” Crowley said. “They sort of remind me of you, a bit.”

“Ah, my dear, now who’s being sentimental? I am nothing like them.”

Crowley smirked to himself. He didn’t agree with Aziraphale at all. “I love you, Aziraphale,” he said.

Aziraphale sighed peacefully. ”I love you, too, Crowley.” There was no hesitation in his words.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[WIP] "The Fake Aziraphale" Doujinshi Adaptation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611637) by [SkyAsimaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyAsimaru/pseuds/SkyAsimaru)


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